Score: 8

"Always a Funky Tirade"

submission: Foamy: Squirrel SOngs

date: August 1, 2004

I've seen many of the Ill Will Press productions of Neurotically Yours, featuring that show-stealing squirrel Foamy. No matter what, they still manage to crack a smile on my face. Many claim to despise Foamy, but it is hard to get over how crazy the little guy gets.

For this cartoon, it's like the others. It isn't straying too far from the mold, but staying true to one's own style typically fosters some of the best cartoons. Bitter Films, for example, would become lackluster if it changed itself to a lighter disposition and incorporated a more Anime feel to the drawings. If you have seen Bitter Film productions like "Rejected," you'll understand what this means.

Eventually, however, Foamy has to take a backseat, because it was initially assumed that Germaine, the gothic lady, was the central focus, but she is often forced out of Foamy's way. Next time, involve her in something that does not involve trying to nuke herself, because Foamy can get annoying occasionally...

Score: 10

"Deserves Everyone's Praise"

submission: Moonlight

date: July 31, 2004

The awards accredited to this masterpiece should not surprise viewers. This is the best "Serious Short" for several reasons:

#1: It makes sense
#2: Top-notch design
#3: Straightforward tale that ties all loose ends
#4: Runs for seven minutes and ends--ONE PART only

About that last one: it does not involve multiple parts of three minutes apiece to get the message across. For three, when the story plays out, everything is comprehensible. The story, though old, is superbly executed by the producers.

By the way: the fairy reverts to a human. I hate to let this go (but justice wins in the end, anyway). Yey, the woman tending the graveyard wears the fairy's colors. Look at it this way: a few Shakespearean tragedies tell the end, but the build-up to how it happens compels you to pay attention. After it is done, I'm sure you'll click a FIVE on this animation as well!

Score: 7

"Excellent Game!"

submission: Proximity

date: July 31, 2004

This ought to be in the Gaming Listing under Puzzle/Device, because it can be played various ways and it is fun in practically all of them. This has no technical wonders to yell about, but these kind of games don't require such attention.

Everyone reviewing or voting on this one must admit to themselves that a game at 127.5 kb this good should be commended.

Score: 6

"You are reviewing: Now You're a MAN"

submission: Now You're a MAN

date: July 30, 2004

That struck me as funny (the title of the review is exactly what's displayed when you write a review). This flash has an interesting concept, something half-baked while staring at the screen, wondering what to create today...

There is one technical issue to address and, while you're at it, perform a complete overhaul of the concept, enriching the point to the point of lunacy and lengthening the piece. It sounds rough, I know, but it pauses mysteriously close to the end (probably some effect's Action Scriping interferes with everything). Remedy this at least, then resubmit what is already something that puts a smile on people's faces.

Score: 10

"Go David! Get Your Groove on! It's your Birthday!"

submission: Metal Gear Fiesta

date: July 30, 2004

Someone made excellent use of technology to spoof the beginning of an intense Game-Cube game right now... and I'm impressed!

I started to crack up as soon as Snake couldn't figure out what "Button" the Colonel was talking about. I suppose Paul Eiding's voice is hard to recreate, because neither the Playstation nor the Game-Cube versions of Metal Gear Solid had him speak in a Southern accent. It matched the zaniness, so it's a positive, not a negative.

This is something you have to watch a couple of times (in case you looked away for a moment). It's that ridiculous. It's that funny. It deserves front page honor as well as moving to the official Video Game Parody listing.

Score: 7

"Solid... Quite..."

submission: Mighty Clock 3

date: July 29, 2004

I'm no fan of anything Clock, so this definitely made me smile in the end (escecially when it says SBC, or Strawberry Clock, will NOT RETURN!). That also means you have to find something that would fuel and draw from your immense animating talent, because as the last reviewer said, this is Saturday-morning Cartoon caliber. I hope you find it soon, too!

Score: 8

"Solid Shooter for the Main List"

submission: Raging Flight

date: July 29, 2004

When you browse the "Games" list, you never happen upon this hidden gem. The site administrators should look into updating the lists and weeding some games out.

There is one concern about this game: while the graphics are solid, nobody can resist sudden urges to complain about the perspective. It can suddenly whip around back and forth like no tomorrow, disorienting the player. Most First-Person Shooters try to surprise the player, but in style. This is leaning towards frustrating, but it doesn't become horrible (especially since it's over in less than half an hour, anyway).

Regarding the last guy that reviewed this: that's a wonderful observation you have, sir. Let's proclaim his death to be SHUT UP! I don't care what they use, so as long as a Flash designer does not profit from a flash that borrows licensed properties. And what the fuck is this Combat Instinct you obsess over? Is there something wrong with designing a shooter game that resembles hundreds of others? I thought about screaming that he ripped off Lethal Enforcers myself, you fucking dick-head. MgGrand, do you make flashes too? If so, are they much, much more original than anything else on the site? Thought so.

P.S. If you retaliate by noting that I don't have flashes, don't worry. That will change soon...

Score: 2

"You're Kidding Me..."

submission: War of the Retards

date: July 29, 2004

In the NGBBS, the rules specifically state that nobody should go around, picking on retards. "I mean, COME ON!" For anyone who cares for the material in Howard Stern (as opposed to insanely beautiful women that stroll into his studio for reasons unknown) has got to get a life. Picking on retards is obviously insulting, but not often in a funny way at all. Here is one of those examples.

This should be placed upon a linked pedastal decrying the sort of languid, unimaginative trite that spawns from insulting other people's mental deficiencies. It should be like seeing your personal check posted in the restaurant you pay frequent patronage to--as the reason why that particular establishment does not accept personal checks. When this occurs, know that you are not doing well at all.

Furthermore, although the first one is cool, the rest of the series did not live up to the expectations of its fan base. Overuse of the Matrix techno is about as bad as overusing the techno from Mortal Kombat. Both must be at the low end of techno through their involvement with those movies. Stop using those songs over and over again in Newgrounds Flashes! And that goes for mimicing bullet-time effects, as well.

Score: 7

"Pretty Hard to Say Blam..."

submission: DE_aztec

date: July 28, 2004

ChaOtix thinks a "5 year system just isn't fun anymore..." and subsequently ripped my skeleton out of my body with the force of my own hatred. The idea that any game becomes worthless and unenjoyable after any period of time is a smack upside the head, because someone in the world will find even the crappiest game to be entertaining to some extent. Will we give Final Fantasy the smack-down, too? All incarnations follow mechanics devised in the 1980s, you know.

The Flash pays tribute of sorts to the Counter-Strike series' multi-player system that has many loyal fans. All the characters archetypes that orchestrate the chaos are covered in a humorous fashion (they make better sense if viewers follow this series).

Many don't care for stick-figures, but here, they are properly implemented. Can anyone make an elaborately violent flash without stick-figures? Not until that ridiculous memory size cap is unscrewed (5 MB? Has the dial-up crowd switch to a BIGGER WIRE yet?)

Score: 2

"Utterly Pointless"

submission: A barking dog is beaten.

date: July 26, 2004

Most Flash cartoons submitted by this guy revolve around violence and excessive blood. The Crookie Monster wasn't too horrible, though. However, Livecorpse should advance to serious work, as opposed to gratuitous brutality.

By the way, the creature getting killed was no dog, but the lead character in the children's Anime Hamtaro, coinciding with how oppressively annoying it is.

From what I can gather, Livecorpse died. Everyone keeps saying "RIP, dude." Either the viewers state trendy phrases reflecting approval of Livecorpse's work, or he is honestly dead, and I'm wasting my precious time blamming his crap for no reason than to cleanse the portal of half-baked entries. Maybe I'm doing him a posthumous service by blamming his entries, which he looks upon with disdain from above. One has to be critical of so much blatant violence without a plot, you know.

On the other hand, if Livecorpse is alive and reading this review, I got a message for you. I'm telling your fans to fuck themselves because they're out of their mind to think that "RIP, dude" is an honest-to-God compliment, even to a guy submitting entries under the alias of an undead creature!

And I refuse to apologize. If this guy submitted so much trash, perhaps the natural course of vengeful nature did you ridiculous jerks a favor.