Score: 10

"Did Al Contact You Yet?"

submission: Albuquerque: THE MOVIE

date: November 9, 2006

This has to be one of the toughest things to let pass ("I Hope You're Not Using Dial-Up!") but you got #1 and you're in the top 50 of all time. While that might rapidly change, Lord knowing that thing has to even out after a couple of months, the fact that you captured #1 at all has to be of some relevance on my next question:

Have you contacted Al about Albuqerque: THE MOVIE yet?

This is something he ought to have on his website (just because!) and you might even be able to get some money. Well, maybe not, but it sure would be a vanity while pimping flash talents to an agency or animation shop that you did, in fact, get Weird Al's attention about an excellent piece of work. Pat yourself upon the back and keep at it.

As for the submission itself....

Graphics are a Nine.
Why? Well, it all falls into place, though it does seem kind of simple. Fortunately, it is perfectly synchronized with the music, including the lip synchronizing. The only reason it's not quite a ten is because, at times, it does seem kind of plain, or lacking of detail. Then again, do people really care when they're having this much fun?

Style is a Ten.
It's got the perfect cartoon edge to the whole thing, making this an excellent demonstration of your skill and flair. I certainly hope you're working on another Flash project.

Sound is a Ten.
Not because of the choice of song (can't quite go wrong with Weird Al, really...), but because it actually sounds right. There's no muffling or excessive file size reduction. It sounds crisp, it sounds clear. It sounds awesome. Best of all, as per the classic style of music video, you did not bother to insert additional sounds (none that I could readily tell at least), so you ride on the song itself to convey the imagery. That can be difficult for some people. For you, it's a matter of course. For an Al song, it should be easy to generate ideas, but you make it look even easier than that.

Violence is Ten.
I recall some gross moments. It's either a 0 or a 10 for me; if there's blood and guts, ten it is.

Interactivity is Zero.
Sit back and watch the movie. Interactivity is not necessarily relevant here, anyway.

Humor is Ten.
What else did you expect? Some lame-o complaining that you ripped off Weird Al or rode his easy sails or something? That isn't the case here; to convey imagery from a piece of music is hard whether or not there's any narrative or goofiness entailed. You don't see too many music videos at Newgrounds, since not only must you pick a song and compose a decent set of images, you also have to restrict file size and other contemptible little things. Collaborations are even harder to sell. Sufficed to say, you kicked butt with this sucker through perfectly interpreting the insane imagery of Weird Al's epic about Albuquerque, and let's leave it at that.

Overall is a Nine.
No, make that a TEN! I haven't seen too many music videos that even come close to rivalling this one. Anytime you set a standard to be followed or (by luck, maybe) surpassed, you tend to deserve nothing less.

Score: 8

"Solid (in six weeks' time?)"

submission: Silent Hill 2: CE

date: November 9, 2006

I'm amazed you completed this in six weeks. It's a truly unforgiving satire about one of the best overlooked games out there, one that combatted conventions on what a game is made of, while still having enough irritating slights to pick on.

Graphics are granted a Seven. The style is cool and the characters are decently animated, though there are times when tweening is overused. The use of simple characters had a good bearing on why the file size is low compared to other submissions seen in the top 50. It's not avant garde or complex, and while they aren't intended, time is best spent on improving the look and feel of the characters for the next movie.

Style is granted a ten. It goes hand-in-hand with the humor, but a chibi ("cute") representation of what is otherwise a truly grisly experience goes hand-in-hand with the satire. Also, you grasped the game itself flawlessly; you clearly spent a good deal of time actually playing the game to make those jokes work. Having the voice talent that is more than competent also helps out a great deal. They might not get the sound of the voices, but acting and inflections are excellent. Be sure that next time, James isn't the only guy around (the stuff coming out of Angela was hilarious, especially the complementary grafitti in backgrounds when she spoke). Only real gripe in style (and it doesn't register as a minus): the narrator was a bit trite. Either lose him and try some other device to advance the narrative, or improve the jokes associated with him.

(An added note: many satires tend to bleed outside of the world they're satirizing for quick laughs. Nowhere in this satire did you do that. That "internal consistency" of staying well within the Silent Hill universe is a trait you ought to keep, because it works insanely well. An example of bleeding out would be featuring Solid Snake--'cause he's a Konami-license character--popping out of nowhere for a cheap couple of laughs.)

Sound is granted eight. Use of authentic Silent Hill soundtracks and sounds helps to paint the image. The voice-overs' sound quality is reasonably good--quite good, without any distortions or heavy muffling.

Violence goes hand-in-hand with Silent Hill. It was never meant to be viewed by small children, for example. It has to be a ten (especially with that Looney Tune plank sequence!).

Interactivity is Zero. This is a movie, not a game. Don't feel bad when they give this a zip. Feel a bit perplexed when they do place a score on it (like a ten, for example--when there's nothing interactive about the experience!).

Humor is eight. Some things missed, like the narrator or the retard moments that take a little too long. The intro sequence, like the mirror and reading the note (hearing that is why I watched it three times already!), are definitely up there in terms of why you'd even attempt this movie.

Overall: 8
After six weeks of effort, you created something that's over the 4.00 range and, despite minor aches, shows the promise of a whole series of scathing tributes to an overlooked game. There are plenty of Resident Evil and other such tributes, but I never saw one about Silent Hill that I can remember as funny. Keep up the good work, and know that I'm rooting for you.

Score: 8

"A Lock Flash Actually Tickled ME!"

submission: LL - Final Fantasy: Lawk

date: August 25, 2005

I tend to shy from Clock, Glocks, and Locks. The Star Syndicate are a wonderful bunch, too. Still, this one deserves its excellent score and front page honor, because it happens to be funny at some level.

The regular stuff I hate with these flashes by Locks and Clocks are readily apparent. That computer voice, for one. Everything got done in three days because nobody wanted to do a little voice casting...

Still, it's short and to the point. If you're a Final Fantasy fan, you'll certainly get most of this material. I really like the five-second escape sequence, and the pop-ups. And the Draw Point! I didn't think anyone was really a fan of Final Fantasy VIII around Newgrounds!

Well, this is a four out of five. Considering the agility of its author to come up with a few hearty ribs and display them effectively, it deserves that much, regardless of his or her affiliations.

Score: 7

"Very Good Game"

submission: Fresh Prince vs. The KKK

date: August 21, 2005

Despite the lack of artistic savvy and appeal, the game and themes are fun. This is the workings of a good mesh of tactical intensity like out of the SNES game Blackthorne, along with some utter ferocity straight out of Contra. Hence, you're doing something right with how the game is played. Yet, the scenario is so short, and the game's borrowing of themes from the television show is weak.

It almost seems like ripping themes from the show had been an afterthought. While Will Smith makes an awesome action hero (Men in Black, Independence Day), your sequel might need to include themes from those movies, if you don't integrate more material from Fresh Prince. The only thing that kept Will from looking like some random thug with an unorthodox hairdo was the premise of rescuing Carlton. It's like Kiss: Psycho Circus for the PC. The band appears on the cover art for the box, but not in the game. Pathetic, right?

For research, check out Jeremy Lokken, the author whom I believe had created the Star Trek: TNG graphic adventure games, as well as the Saved by the Bell game. They're all explicit and gratuitous, especially his Reading Rainbow spoofs, but he is the classic guy that demands that his borrowed themes are fully immersed into the playing of the games.

Your next flash must immerse Fresh Prince themes a lot more; thick is the word, here. With the same play mechanics, but with boosted speed, additional skills, opponents, and a longer scenario (about five or six stages), you'd probably crush the competition with an incredible game. In any case, keep up the good work!

Score: 10

"Hey, is this going to be a series?"

submission: Attack of the Monoids

date: August 8, 2005

Okay, this tickled me twice. This looked so absurd, and the artistry in flash was incredibly slick. The downside? It ended quickly, though it started slowly. It was just so incredibly stupid as to give a guy a laugh or two.

4 out of 5.

Score: 8

"What Took You So Long!"

submission: Strategy Guide Ep. 4

date: August 8, 2005

What was the hold-up, man? Strategy Guide has got to be one of the next major series on video games (of the past), and you slacked off for a year or more! Look, buddy, nothing personal, but you have to make this into a routine endeavor.

I have a few peeves, but they're minor. For one, your humor is on the spot, but using more music would spruce things up a little. Dead air is something you should avoid (e.g., just before Guido's stoned relative shows up, there is a pause of more than five seconds without anything said while he jumped off the television screen). Some parts could be tightened up a little, that's all.

The other minor peeve I have about the series is... well, actually I like the series... a lot! Though you haven't improved technically, or introduced anything radically new to the format (which would necessitate an absence), I certainly like how the format is. It isn't broken, and doesn't need any fixing. The theme song is still cool (have yet to purchase that CD), and Guido is still a loveable jerk. I certainly wish he'd lose his cool more often and scream "M.F." more often, but that's still a minor peeve that is compensated by solid writing.

Never take off for more than a year again. 4 out of 5 for you.

Score: 5

"Just seems average..."

submission: Icons Ep 1

date: August 8, 2005

While objectively well made, this packs little beyond exploding children, a Minibosses soundtrack, and possible greatness installed for the future. This "pilot" would not sell too well to actual network executives, since it leaves a miserable first impression.

One problem is voice-overs. They aren't wooden, but technical issues immediately surface: poor mixing and quality. Adjust the clips to 24 kbps for voices and 48 kpbs for the music. In the background, use a single, muted, streamed audio loop to maintain animation speed. Streamed sounds are muffled, but force the animation to keep pace with what's happening.

Another problem lies in the script. Randomness does not equal funny without some hand-waving (quick explanation to move the script forward). Many jokes (except the Duck Hunt Dog) land gracelessly upon the pavement and grind your faces against it for fifty feet or more. And the material is uninspired; these jokes work with precise timing, but otherwise, it did not make me laugh.

Also, if it's not uninspiring, it's hackneyed. You're lucky the NG drones still buy into irony and cynicism, which dominate the site's philosophy on comedy. This flash continues that trend and follows the motions by the numbers.

And a personal gripe: you didn't introduce all the main characters, a cardinal sin for series pilots. Once again, I detect irony and cynicism. This young woman in the cast intro never made an appearance. Whether it is a failure to notify and recruit a female voice actress before production, or you deliberately tease the audience into false expectations of what's to come... you fail on both counts.

If this sounds harsh, it is. I'm tired of flash shows that parade sardonic twenty-something white males as if being a smart-ass wins you the lottery. Still, I would be infinitely impressed (and relieved) if you set out to utterly prove me wrong in the future. I don't wish for you guys to give up before trying.

2 out of 5 for decent effort.

Score: 7

"Humanize the "God""

submission: Decline of Video Gaming 3

date: July 29, 2005

Just as "The Decline of Video Gaming" underscores some of the principle flaws of the industry, so does it share similar problems, none of which destroy its real worth as one of Newgrounds' best satires.

The first issue: voice acting. The main characters sound disenchanted, yes, but they (and everyone else, except for the lady--she sounded good) came off as flat and stolid. Send rehearsal clips and receive feedback before sending a final version. Never hold back when speaking lines and let them flow out as naturally as possible. If there's a hint of strain, it's wooden.

The next problem deals with sound compression. The streaming audio (I'm guessing it's streamed) is so badly muffled, you really need to crank the volume to hear a conversation. Even if you have to submit something much beyond 10 MB (you got away with 7.5 already), do anything that will prevent your sound quality from managing to shovel through the planet's core even after hitting rock-bottom.

The last problem is the screenplay. Face it, it rehashed everything we came to expect; such is the fate of sequels. You'd think the villains would change, or that you'd discuss the stagnation or lack of innovation in favorite genres (such as first-person shooting games). The first two in the Decline series were funnier because they were fresher. Don't get me wrong--I did laugh--but be sure you introduce fresher material next time. I did consider the efforts your groups took in revamping the the series' visual style with new flash techniques, and that is where your short film shines.

So, this is an objectively good flash--superior to most of the stuff that comes through--just add fresher content, adjust the sound quality, or just work on your acting skills, and you'll wow them with the anticipated sequel (sigh).

Score: 10

"Well-Written, Brilliant Concept, Technical Issues"

submission: TehKar - Seduction ep. 2

date: July 17, 2005

Some highlights, drawbacks, criticisms:

*: Too many options? Never enough options!
Alex's aggressive personality shot down a wide variety of options and outcomes a game player might have sought. The next episode should expand to include many PCs with various personalities.

Never suffer someone complaining about "too many options." They don't think beyond linear terms.

*: Art and music could be tweaked
MP3 music loops annoyingly skip a beat before restarting. Convert the files to .wav (they don't skip) and use a sound recording program to edit the sound files and erase the repetition.

No doubt you're an artist, so why not employ a scanning machine with flash projects? Upload sketches to flash and trace them with flash's tools to improve each image's visual quality.

*: Well-written, but you preached...
The written text is top-notch, though long-winded. The interview section was where you got much off your chest, but doing endangers your power to entertain. When a celebritiy discusses politics, the audience is less likely to accept the reality of a performance from that celebrity. Stay a blank slate and avoid stating beliefs in a public forum--it hinders more often than it helps. See it another way: let the art speak for itself. A message should be about a truth, not proof towards an argument.

Still, this flash is deceptively bold behind its conservative format, with an intelligent, more refined eroticism. Greater ambition and interactivity in the next episode should afford this quirky series a brilliant spotlight at Newgrounds.

Score: 6

"Unpolished, huh..."

submission: VEIN

date: July 10, 2005

Your computer crashed and you lost a whole bunch of this? How many more people do I have to tell off about getting a stinking auxillary hard drive before attempting any serious creative project?

What you have here is objectively okay, though it's far beyond a teen rating--very far. The animation could be tweaked, but what can you say to a man that actually attempts this level of animation? Nude bodies in flash is pretty hard, and your attempt is pretty good.

Still, there's very little rhyme or reason behind this whole thing. There's more than what meets the eye, but the sheer grittiness and randomness besides combine to confuse the audience.

This submission could use some work. I know you're reeling from losing your material to technical issues, but at least you should remember your ideas to redo them. Trust me--with this weird stuff, you'll undoubtedly make a showing of yourself at Newgrounds.