Score: 0

"Not terribly clever..."

submission: Willium

date: June 22, 2005

When will these flash artists just grow up? In the Star Syndicate, we can count on a good idea being run completely into the ground, or a bad idea being run completely into the ground.

A previous Syndicate flash derailed "EMO" people. This one derails goth people. You know what? We need more flash that derails Locks, Clocks, and Star Syndicate people... if only to be fair.

If you have to complain about goths, look at it like advertising: the more you ignore it, the more it goes away.

Score: 7

"Funny 'cause it's stupid"

submission: Final Fantasy 8 Spoof

date: June 19, 2005

I happen to like Final Fantasy VIII, but when I believe this flash's only redeeming quality is the music selection (The Black Mages... dude), that's pretty damn low.

Are you cosplayers by any chance? The whole setup was quite goofy (the wandering especially), and kind of underscores the fallacies in logic inherent in many role-playing adventures like Final Fantasy. In emulating the game itself in real-time and live actors, you've actually nestled in a bit of charm.

Now if only we can stop other stupid jerks from putting cardboard boxes on their head and burning them (as a response to this flash's utter lunacy)... Anyone smell a live-action Metal Gear spoof coming along, yet?

Score: 10

"Not that funny!"

submission: Metal Gear Solid STS's 2

date: June 19, 2005

NOT THAT FUNNY, YOU SAY?

I think you underestimate the power of the Dark Side of the Force.

That was, again, pretty damn goofy--firmly in line with any self-respecting spoof. The coconuts thing seemed a bit out of place, though. I know interrupting your flash for commercials is sort of your motif, especially with that L'oreal ad in the previous Snake Tale, but honestly... coconuts? That was Liquid there, right? That's just dumb. I suppose you're critical of that, but everything else was perfect ("Read... ALL my thoughts? Well...").

Click a five...

Because she's worth it!

Score: 10

"Even the censored beeping was poorly done..."

submission: Metal Gear Solid: STS's

date: June 19, 2005

Don't kick yourself for attempting Snake when you're a seventeen year-old girl. You're stretching your range off the bat.

But seriously, this Metal Gear spoof is one of the funniest I've seen. Don't feel bad that you didn't get a voice talent worth his salt. In my opinion, the do-it-yourselfer adds a special charm to the piece. Hell, it's the only charm you'd get out of a flash cartoon, period. We're all amateurs around here, and we don't have to kill ourselves over it.

Never forget about Trey Parker and Matt Stone. They make some godawfully funny stuff, and they often ask celebrities to play menial parts, like pigs or other such animals. They do it themselves, voice acting as well. Since you made me laugh out loud, you're getting a five--and that's a rarity from a darkling like me!

Score: 0

"FUNNY, but still sucked..."

submission: Mortal Kombat Cheerio old

date: June 17, 2005

A monumental piece of turd that could have done better if it had been revamped, Mortal Kombat Cheerio is laced with misspellings throughout its text portions (which ran longer than the action almost). Still, it was funny to watch. I mean, random guys and cereal boxes were getting battered by two MK dudes, redefining what being a cereal killer truly is. And the obnoxious cliffhanger in the end? Priceless!

However, I know that song--the piano piece--is derived from Lunar: The Silver Star Story, not Final Fantasy. You better get your facts straight before writing the credits, buddy.

Score: 0

"Still got a long way to improve..."

submission: MGS: True Sneakyness Redo

date: June 14, 2005

You better not be satisfied with what you have here.

First of all, it drags. You didn't cut out dead air, or when characters are moving slowly, resulting in a pathetically slow pace.

Second, you didn't optimize this at all, huh? The file size was big for a cartoon with just a few gags. It's probably because you used practically the complete theme from MGS2, and failed to incorporate enough gags for the sequence (you filled it in with plenty of dead air, though).

Finally, let me make something clear: I admit Snake is hard to perform, but you never bothered to perform multiple takes--you did it in one shot, I bet--and never revised it. And everyone heard you loud and clear, especially the distortion that comes from yelling much too close to the microphone! Even digital ones do that. Clearly, you didn't give much thought about the voice acting part, including the guards.

I gave you a zero, because you failed to deliver on a potential that people assume deserves a three or four. Even your art style is from an outside source. Sorry, but this means you need more practice. Savor the green while you can, I doubt that I can stomach it myself.

Score: 6

"Anything that makes you laugh..."

submission: The REAL revenge.

date: May 31, 2005

I'm not surprised this flash didn't get a high score, but have a problem with swallowing how it got to be "Turd of the Week" (though the irony is a nice touch).

It lacks depth, and is just there for the toilet humor. I got no problem with toilet humor personally, but I won't endorse it, either.

If your flash projects had more depth and variety per flash, then you might reach the big time. On the other hand, who wants to see a Sith Lord expel a spiky crap out of his ass and expect some kind of "Meaningful Dialogue" with his unwitting associate?

Don't mix intent with output, folks. Rate flash on their output, not intent. Just because you think toilet humor sucks doesn't mean the flash itself sucks--this one happens to be well put together, considering its limitations and premise.

Score: 10

"Ha, Triforce, huh?"

submission: Zelda's PRIDE force

date: May 31, 2005

I don't believe nobody would dare to entertain the silly concept behind this flash, Nalem. Here's why: fans, one dozen for a dime, would jump on the chance! Mentor is a good friend to take the chance, anyway, because the concept had to be done well.

I think I've seen your stuff before, and they happen to be nice. The adult themes are flat-out cool, and everything about this demanded a clear-cut production. Nothing artistically fancy, but you score well particularly in sound and comic timing, both of which are crucial.

You proved to me today that there is a God. I still say that Link is into cowgirls, and that Malon is much too eager for her own good...

Score: 7

"Reminiscent of "Rejected!""

submission: Email!!

date: May 29, 2005

The independent animator-styled aspects of this silly cartoon reminds me of the Bitter Films series, the most popular of which is the "Rejected" cartoon that people have ripped out of cyberspace. It's nowhere near being dark like "Rejected," since your flash is happy-go-lucky and pretty much goofy, rather than harsh or sadistic.

Since you reminded me of "Rejected," a hilarious cartoon, I will remember your flash fondly!

Score: 8

"Wise to Stand Out..."

submission: Mario vs. Bowser

date: May 29, 2005

At first, I thought this was going to be yet another reenactment of a glorious video game battle, sprites and all, by a flash artist that knows choreography but can't draw in flash for crap. It's almost like those Civil War buffs that go to untold lengths to emulate painful battles fought in their area.

And then a supposed newbie does this. And I must ask: are you really a newbie, or am I dreaming?

The "adult" touch at the end makes it stand out. It's genuinely funny, and captures everything about Mario that we love with that special twist only flash artists can provide. I laughed out loud, and you should be honored for that.

Still, the fight drags somehow--it seems slow. Maybe if you skipped a few beats, it would get the pace straightened out. So, I thought it would be mediocre, until I checked out the humor at the end. What is presented here remains solid overall. Great job!