Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Mario's Little Problem]

Well, it's better than most first attempts; they end up getting submitted even though they suck. There isn't much in terms of story or content, but it consists of the essentials of Flash Production: Scene Selector, Credit Page, Play Button, Replay Button, and Menu Button. Face it: most authors these days don't bother with that stuff anymore, despite the relative ease of programming involved. It adds professionalism, interactivity, and all that jazz. The story itself is disappointing, though it's okay for a first try. It's tame compared to the orgies that can happen with Sprites, but it's a step in the right direction.

[Missile-Toe WIP]

Such a place as DUMPING GROUNDS! But man, this is good. You should definitely finish this one and release it around Christmas this year. The voice-overs are awesome but very rough in production quality. This needs to get finished, in any case. Just, post new developments in Dumping Grounds from now on, okay? It's hard to critique unfinished work.

geniusface responds:

Dumping Ground, huh? I had never heard of such a thing... thanks :)

[brom.]

This has been a public service announcement from "I don't give a shit please stop fucking posting this wanker-fest".

It's a very brief cartoon, more like a slideshow presentation. The sound quality is inconsistent--some of the screams are way to loud and will startle the unwary, which is everyone--and finally, it does reek of first-time-ever attempt at Flash. I remember when my brother submitted one about Master Chief way back during Halo 2 (he has since gotten rid of it to perk up his batting average). I bet this one will go the wayside as well, assuming that future submissions by davosaurus will be far better.

It's still worth a couple belly laughs, deriding the idiocy of standing up a broom during a solar flare. Now we have to go and research this to make sure it isn't some urban myth or larger-than-usual deception that's easily replicable. Anyway, davo should submit something soon, get his recording levels down pat, and make us laugh in better ways than spewing hate on a bunch of idiots. There are things that deserve our attention, which is pretty much the point of this presentation. Put money where mouth is.

davohsaurus responds:

Yeah, this was my first stab with a draw pad and I'm still getting used to it but still wanted to make something. I have some projects in the near future and am going to play with the audio levels some more so I don't bust ear drums.

All in all, I have to say thanks for pointing out the flaws and there will be improvement.

[A request from a friend.]

The music sounded low to me. Check your volume settings on your computer.

It's nothing special, but it is a commission, so you have to go back to your buddy and say, "Pay up!" Keep going, and don't be afraid to solicit suggestions from friends if that's what keeps you consistently submitting!

[Donut Quest]

Chris Voigt's mind is never in the gutter, but his taste in animation sure as hell is. This is one of his tame ones, mostly because it excludes common Greasy Moose characters and devises a setup that likely exists outside of that. It's a modern urban fantasy satire called "Donut Quest". It features an electro-synth rendition of his old thrash metal band's back catalog, replacing the music that was intended for the piece (but never arrived). In light of that fallout, "Donut Quest" rocks, plain and simple.

Our protagonist finds his refrigerator deprived of donuts and discovers his roommate chilling on the hammock outside with the box. Throwing a conniption, he drags out the scoped rifle and takes potshots to prevent the very last doughnut from being eaten. His buddy jacks a kid's scooter, while he abducts and rides a llama in hot pursuit. Extreme though as this appears, it reaches epic heights when they encounter a red-skinned satyr deep in the forest (perhaps a parody of Adam Philips' irascible Bitey of Brackenwood, who is also a satyr) and a bullet clips the creature's horns, angering him beyond reason. Despite the madness that pours out, will the roomies reconcile, or will their lives and their doughnut deprivation fall to rubble like the city around them?

In terms of content--as stated above--this is one of Sexual Lobster's tamest pieces yet, chiefly because it does not involve classic Greasy Moose characters as Fernando or Gooseman. It is just as frenetic, overblown, ridiculous, and Looney Tunes-esque, so no worries about whether he's going soft (he isn't). The quality is still up there, thanks in part to following a comic, or applying an excellent storyboard. Little touches like vehicular accidents and drying a tear from the eye after ecstatic laughter help to convey a sense of reality and immersion into the affairs. There is even filaments of heroism among the roommates, which prevent you from thinking they are stock; they're not perfect, but they are human, and given to bouts of reason as well as passion. The end is expected though satisfying, even if it's a little far-fetched. On the other hand, what can one do when the army is getting the situation at hand?

Anyway, there are glimmers that Chris Voigt's classic emphasis on randomness or constant piercing hilarity is coming to a brief close. It's a smug notion to think you can rest on perversions and graphic content forever, or to subside on one brand of humor throughout your whole tenure in Flash Animation. Here, we have a situation that does not involve constant drug or sexual references, yet contains the same brand of hilarity that makes the Greasy Moose material so cool. It's a rough little trip around the block, but if this represents where Chris wishes to take us in future cartoons, then so be it. I'm all for it, in fact.

The last piece of this puzzle is the soundtrack; as a music video, it requires this. Chris used an old track from his thrash metal days and gave it an electro-synth spin, making for a juicy tune. I recommend you download it and parade it around like it was from the 1980s. While the cartoon doesn't suck, if it did, this track would almost likely be the saving grace. Small wonder why Chris doesn't submit more music to the Portal, including stuff not heard in his cartoons!

"Donut Quest" is something you can show to an 80s buff or a young kid or your parents, and you won't worry about if they'll be offended or "not get it", and it's probably the only cartoon that Chris Voigt has made thus far that represents him at his current best. That's saying a lot, considering who the "Sexual Lobster" is touted to be!

Sexual-Lobster responds:

well i think this is by far the biggest review i've gotten, congratulations!

although my band wasn't thrash metal - the song that i originally made this too was metal, but it wasn't by me. my band was more of a pop/rock outfit.

re your third last paragraph, i would say this is just a deviation from my regular schtick, ill have more of that.

[Dbl Rainboom P1 Animatic]

Not bad, but I would prefer you solicit via Dumping Grounds instead. Still, it does have promise, and the soundtrack being completed ahead of time will keep you on-track. Looking forward to the COMPLETED version soon.

[Love the Nukes]

It is one of the really rare instances when a Clock production goes above and beyond the usual conventions and pulls off a memorable performance. Here, it is "Love the Nukes", a protest piece about nuclear energy. Whether you agree with the sentiment or not, or even choose to believe that this is nothing but propagandizing, you cannot help but appreciate the polish and even some of its novelty.

After Radio Tube Clock slips and breaks open a nuclear warhead with his buddy, he scrambles for iodide to prevent precious metabolic glands from exploding. When they discover the wrapper invites them on a tour of a major nuclear power plant, they are oddly enthusiastic about going. What they discover there are the pratfalls of any nuclear power plant: technical precision to an unmanageable extent and difficulties in expelling the radioactive byproducts. Finally, they take a high elevator to the skyline, where they observe planet earth and ruminate upon the fall of humanity after a massive proliferation and self-extincting nuclear war.

The visuals are polished, to say the least. This doesn't happen with every run-of-the-mill Clock movie; this one is actually pretty to look at. Another feature are voice-overs. They aren't mixed together well so their volume levels are equalized, but this is one of the rare examples where authors with a Clock moniker are willing to voice themselves. Usually, it's a case of Speakonia or combination thereof. Here, it's all them, and it's a wonderful sensation. Let's be very honest here: isn't actual voice-overs superior over Speakonia? Yeah, thought so.

While RadioTubeClock suffers the anxiety of living near a nuclear power plant, he pretty much uses this excuse to completely tarnish it, disregarding anything beneficial or providing a fair presentation that has both sides have their say. It's a case of leading them by their noses, which is often the case with many Newgrounds flashes centered on political matters. The fact is many of us fail to have any maturity or consideration when considering the merit of an opposed viewpoint. It translates to the screen, and that causes even supporters to blink or wince or step back and see this for what it is: a piece of propaganda. A glamorous, transcendental-for-a-clock-movie piece of propaganda.

It's also an April Fools' Day Flash, so this wonderful experience of hearing Clocks talk is nothing but a gag; they aren't going to adopt this as their motif and never will. None of this should dissuade a serious discussion over how to figure out a way to solve an energy crisis or offer up a compromise that is mutually beneficial; in fact, part of why I appreciate "Love the Nukes" is that it's a perfect conversation piece. It is meant to provoke people into word or action, not to discourage it. Part of its success rides on being so one-sided, a distinction that will earn it bad press, but is not as severe a weakness as one may think. There are plenty of people who are proponents of nuclear energy, having weighed the risks and are willing to devise ways to satisfy both parties. They'll stumble upon this Clock production and go, "Screw you, that's not how it's gonna end! Here's how it ends!" And they'll make a Flash of their doomsday prediction with the same production values, and so on.

In either case, "Love the Nukes" is required viewing for detractors of Clocks, let alone the nuclear energy debaters. It shows the camaraderie and the ability of Clocks as well as their ability to adapt from old habits. It also has reasonable visual appeal, stunning and perhaps even unsettling. For what it is, it's well-engineered. I'm giving this a 4 of 5 Stars.

RadioTubeClock responds:

Thanks for the well thought-out review! I like to put a lot of detail into my work, it's satisfying seeing things that i've visualized in my head come to life. I'm planning on working with a fellow clock to balance the voice levels better in the future, although such things are usually easier said than done. I've never regretted using real voice actors, although it definitely slows down the production of things while waiting for lines from everyone.

I'm aware that nuclear energy has it's fair share of advantages over other energy sources as well, but I figured that providing one side of the argument, like you said, would help to promote discussion. i was originally going to mimic the 'scary tunnel' scene from Willy Wonka, showing scenes related to the disadvantages associated with fossil fuels, such as spills, air pollution, and conflicts, but I ended up deciding to keep the movie short and to the point, as even without this scene it still ran a good five minutes. I also figured that such imagery would make this movie a lot darker than it already is, and more so than I had intended.

As far as the Clock Crew goes, I like to think there is spectrum of different tones and production values that our flashes cover, with my works covering the more 'quality' side of things. I'm glad that my movie let you see the often lesser known side of the crew while bringing up some interesting discussion.

Thanks for the review.

[The Muffin Man]

"The Muffin Man" is a "FleckMyLife" production that wishes to be funny but turns out morbid and depressing, the product of an emotional breakdown.

Here, a Muffin Man, a legitimate baker, has his life turned upside down from the slander of some dirty punk. He sobs and arranges his suicide inside his own oven, only to come out as a series of depressed, saddened little muffins.

Now, when I see things like this, I think, "Jesus Christ, someone just died recently (Edward Gould), why do I need to see something like this?" For one thing, there is no punchline, no turnaround for the muffin man, just a breakdown on realizing your brand of baked goods are somehow displeasing to the eye. What the hell? Is this supposed to be humorous? I didn't laugh, hate to say, and while I might consider this to be an example of hazing at work, it doesn't exhibit any level of realism that would sustain that claim.

"The Muffin Man" is not a very good movie, from a technical standpoint or as a composition. Instead, it just comes off as an attempt to produce a diabetic pastry without adding sugar or anything remotely sweet to it. What we get is a product that tastes like paste. The inspiration for "The Muffin Man" warrants a harder attempt, or perhaps drop it entirely. It's just not fun, and its release is one of the worst-timed I have seen this year.

[KONY2012]

Kony 2012? Kony 2012! KONY 2012! KONY TWENTY TWELVE! TWELVE!

This is a conservative hit on activist propaganda. Yes, it's conservative. Why? It considers the facts taken from all sides before it demolishes what began the sensation. Conservative. It doesn't get radical and send horrible jabs--it just gives an exaggerated projection of reality and dares us to prove otherwise. It pops a balloon that needs popping and asks the whole Kony 2012 crowd to put its money where its mouth is. Such is the way Newgrounds handles virtually all political issues that come its way. This is one of the really good ones, although it's not the very best one that can be produced.

Psychicpebble first starts with a comic summary of the documentary content, lampooning some of the nonsense it tries to stuff down our throats, and then describes the classic internet response as over-bloated (with an over-bloated ginger going insane from a microscopic erection, etc.) and finally shows the people behind everything as greed-driven scam artists, and derailing everyone as fucking stupid without even bothering to let the Raptor finish his sentence. We get the message. It's pretty simple: don't be duped.

Of course, Newgrounds style demands that most if not all of the message needs to be heavy-handed with severe blunt force objects. Voice acting is dramatic and much of it is screaming, with RicePirate, TomaMoto, and Egoraptor providing some of the schlockiest voice-overs under short notice to help exploit the madness. Oney scores the soundtrack while Psychicpebble pulls out the stops to storyboard and animate each part of the sequence. There isn't a deluge of character animation, as it is much about a documentary presentation and its effects than it is about animating these caricature characters. Everything was done to get it out ASAP under short notice, so while the animation is nowhere near as good as it should be, it holds up just enough. The sound is where we get the most laughs anyway, because some of the visual gags are depressingly shallow.

So yeah, it isn't a perfect fucking production, I hate to say. Props to the voice-over talent for pulling out garbage under short notice, Oney for scoring, and psychicpebble for rushing out to create the best anti-Kony 2012 message on Newgrounds so far. I'm pretty sure the section devoted to this will have maybe one or two that top this one. Even so, its an okay piece in terms of production, and with the craziness involved, it should belt the truth into people and leave them laughing aloud despite their discomfort.

[Fluffo]

Is it too late to marvel at this one's brilliance? I mean, let's face it: right now on the Front Page of Newgrounds is nothing but parodies and tributes; one satire entrenched in video game marketing, that's about it. "Fluffo" not only embraces the Newground style of original characters and production, it exemplifies it.

In this short by oxob3000, the little creature Fluffo explores a cavern in the arctic filled with wonders and mysteries, but gets the cold shoulder from a shadowy predator. Can he make it out with wits and fur intact?

Now, oxob3000 has made several Stick Figures in the past and the fluidity of the animation for both Fluffo and his enemy--not to mention a few good prop effects--sets itself above most standards and at a low, low file size of 2.9 mb. Very few people I know personally can pull that sort of thing off. Next, the soundtrack and effects are juicy and well-mixed, fitting the mood like leather gloves.

Finally, and this is most important: the action was so quick and concise that the character Fluffo could easily be replicated time and time again, a little adventurer out in a brave new world. The great part about the character is that it doesn't have a trace of the violence that is almost mandatory when referring to a stick movie. Face it: you can't be without it. With characters that are mobile at some level, this decides to take another route: survival. The wilderness crossed with fantastic creatures turns this into a nature program of sorts, like the stuff from National Geographic. Influences like Adam Philips and the Ice Age movie franchise also leave notable marks, though to be certain, this is all oxob3000 flexing his muscles and showcasing another side of him. The rabid cuteness of Fluffo must be the most profound juxtaposition to oxob's back catalog, but without that catalog, there would be no Fluffo.

The influence of Fluid Anims and other stick figure speicalty sites--sites that concentrate less on anatomical detail and emphasize effects and consistent output--have groomed a renaissance man out of oxob3000. "Fluffo" is a step above and beyond the fold--modest at first glance, but striking regardless.

Post-Script: While you're at it, check out Fluffo's Newgrounds-based soundtrack that catches the cartoon's essence perfectly. The musicians are pretty talented!

oxob3000 responds:

You notice things in this animation that I never even though of o_o lol
I'm glad you liked it, and thanx for the review :)