Score: 6

"The Synth"

submission: Dragon Skin

date: September 1, 2008

The "synthesized" aspects of the song make it sound... I don't know, flimsy. That's what I use to describe the song. This one could use more than a little work.

It also hurts when the riff sounds very close to "Decisive Battle"--part of the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack. This is the sort of fluffy stupidity that deflates all seriousness and gives power metal a disdainfully bad name.

However, I can envision (hear?) a remastering of the initial few moments of the track--or sections of the track--and creating slick video game loops out of them. If anything, the music lends itself to an arcade feel that would be ideal in an action game of old school nature, say a run'n'gun Metal Slug or Contra clone. I know the recent game "Infiltrator" utterly lacks a musical score, which sort of deflates its appeal since you sort of expect some kind of background music in a run-and-gun!

In any case, this needs to shed more than its skin to achieve greatness. The drum samples, for instance, need to match the loudness of the guitars, and beef up the bass. That can always use some boosting! If anything, shelf this baby for a rainy day, then list all the mistakes you hear and correct them one-by-one. It isn't like this song has no potential at all. It couldn't be defined as power metal without that.

Score: 10

"If I had a sister..."

submission: When The Time Comes Instrmntal

date: August 31, 2008

...I'd grant you full range, boy.

This song is THAT good.

In its current state, it is definitely a background music piece, especially in a Flash production. In its projected full version, it'd be the music during the credits. Either way, it's win-win for you. Also, this song is actually well-mastered, and that is often an obstacle for many musicians at this site, when their material sounds cloudy and noisy, therefore useless in a Flash. And of course, beyond Flash, this thing sets out to become an effective piece to listen to when you need something in the background to listen to... something DECENT.

Again, if I had a sister, you could fuck her and I wouldn't whine about it.

Score: 10

"Brutal, Psychotic, and Lovely"

submission: The Rapture - Monolith

date: August 31, 2008

Compared to some of the tracks produced by your group, this one sticks out as well-produced... that is to say, your talents shine through a good recording of tracks. This can be considered the definitive demo for your group.

Now, if I may ask, could you post lyrics? Like all black metal, you can't possibly get around the power-metal-high-pitched-operatic-and -then-back-to-doom-metal-growl sort of stuff that your vocalist expertly provides. At some point, there will be something missing in translation, hence a request for lyrics to be posted isn't a horrible one. Surely you can understand, from a fan who utterly enjoys the song enough to bother asking?

Hail Satan. Actually, fuck him, he owes me cash and he'll never deliver. Fuck him in his goat ass, motherfucker.

Score: 10

"Wait a Minute, What the FUCK?"

submission: The Paladin

date: August 15, 2008

Exactly why did people hate on this one? I mean, you're crossing into Weird Al territory when you take somebody's song (in this case, a Kenny Rogers song) and redo all the lyrics to suit your intentions. This is one of the really good WoW spoof songs I've heard. It doesn't matter if you're vocal chords aren't behaving perfectly, because I've seen the "That's the World of Warcraft that You Play" song on YouTube and I believe THIS SONG IS FUCKING BETTER!

3.00 / 5.00 (+ 0.017)

Who had the fucking audacity to Zero-Bomb this one?

Score: 10

"Excellent Work"

submission: Fragger

date: August 15, 2008

I always enjoy someone who delivers a sense of humor in anything he or she creates. This is one of those moments.

Keep showing up with this stuff dude.

Score: 10

"3.93 / 5.00 (+ 0.078)"

submission: Spring Me From Hell (preview)

date: August 15, 2008

Don't worry Mr. Bad Man, we'll drag this motherfucker out of Zero Bomb Hell. The title certainly fits. We're all doing the best we can with our RESPECT clicks, all of us (if not then we can use their heads as stepping stones across Purgatory's lava).

In any case, this is faintly reminiscent of early metal before thrash became a defining attribute. You could say it's the equivalent of the Load/Reload era of Metallica, but most people would consider that an insult. Not every song needs to be impossibly fast or lacking the original attributes of psychedelia that pervaded most of our progenitors.

Devastus is right about the drums. I understand that, being new for you, they're sticking out of your songs of late. What we'd give to hear from a drummer who submits material around here, swear to God....

Still above and beyond most of the Two-Girls-One-Cup fans' metal submissions, though. Continue destroying civilization as it continues to displease the lot of us.

Score: 9

"More Blues & Country than Funk...."

submission: Funk Ass Motherfucker!

date: August 15, 2008

...But I don't give a shit so long as it loops and sounds seven-eighths toward absolute coolness.

That's because most assholes only get halfway to absolute coolness.

Excellent job, asshole!

Score: 8

"Nice Work"

submission: Mac8 - A Long Time Ago

date: August 15, 2008

Pooling into emotional veins isn't exactly emo... or well, neither intrinsic nor exclusive to the genre. I thought emo by definition exaggerates emotional sentiment to the point of being ludicrous melodrama even with insignificant things. Frankly, I can do without most of that stuff receiving radio play. On the other hand, I prefer musicians who are able to communicate with their music rather than trying too hard to be clever. I also enjoy musicians who routinely release even the dorkiest material. In essence, I deeply respect the sheer chutzpah you have in spades (and clubs, because hearts and diamonds always deserve a firm routing).

The only complaint I have is simple: ditch the drum loop. Honestly: you can get away with making really pretty music by minimizing percussion to light cymbals, a mild triangle, or a tambourine that isn't struck, only stirred and not shaken. This drum loop actually competes for attention--attention that's strictly meant for the mellow guitar. I can imagine a complete removal of the drums and this song would fare better.

It's only a suggestion--no need to follow through; it is quite good as is--but take it from a guy who listens to his mother prattle on about folk music for hours on end: some ideas stick to the psyche... and in the eardrums (no pun intended). Of course it went without saying that this is fluid and lovely, which is rare coming from you.

Keep rocking.

Score: 10

"Perfect Evil"

submission: The Black Death

date: August 15, 2008

Okay, first it is harsh. Second, it is short. Third, the beginning sample can be sliced out to create the perfect boss music without infringing upon someone's copyrighted material.

Fuck yes.

Score: 10

"INTRO-tastic"

submission: The Short Bus To Hell (inst)

date: August 15, 2008

The title also conveys a great deal of wit on part of the musician. Sometimes, wit helps in separating the typical motherfucker to one who really does fuck mothers.

RESPECT!