Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[smoke kills]

Obviously a Studio Effort

There are few Flash Studios or individual Newgrounds contributors that try to be topical and poignant. This Newgrounds Flash has seriousness and satire in the delicate balance nobody ever sees with on-line satire--certainly not flash.

Smoking has been considered a health risk for fifty years now (it wasn't always like that). The public recognizes that without government interference. The U.S. Government taxes the "Big Tobacco Companies" and product to death. Since these companies are tied to other businesses, it isn't just tobacco products that are affected.

These taxes work like tariffs--taxes on imported goods--by reducing the product's popularity. It's called "Deterrence." Even if you believe it works, it's like the death penalty--in that case, the deterrent tries justifing the execution of convicted killers to indirectly prevent murders from occurring in society. It's a morally flawed method of doing things. Putting down or limiting a large company isn't going to change anything, either.

"Smoke Kills." Nobody needs to be held by the hand to know that. Picture an eleven year-old with a butt smouldering in his mouth. Anyone over twenty sees that kid's face on smokers. If they go to Newgrounds.com, they might see an eleven year-old sucking on someone's ass hole. It's because most guys that frequent Newgrounds have a really dirty sense of humor. Dirtier than lung cancer.

I pay thanks to Antimult Studio on behalf of all Newgroundlings. Please submit more in the future.

[Kerri's Big Invention]

Total Laugh Fest!

Nobody should click on the "X" at the upper-right corner of the window without thinking to themselves, "This one's a Four." And if they think it's any less than that, then they really are some of the most cynical jerks you'll ever come by. This animation has to be Five or higher, and the reviews should have a solid string of Tens to compliment that sentiment.

Joeseph Blanchette has effectively torn down the old standards he originally set with his premiere Flash animation with this one. It pays tribute to many facets of popular culture while effectively skewering them in the process. And he never comes off as an abrasively sardonic pig, either, which is rare for many Flash artists. To be certain, he puts a great deal of effort in every Flash he makes. This ought to become his profession--or find someplace else where his talents will be recognized and praised. He deserves that much.

The flash itself is wonderful. It is a perfect blend of Joe's original ideas, with pop culture references, set upon a framework of non-stop comedy. This is a cartoon of Looney Tunes quality. Here, we find Kerrigan taking serious blows to her social life in the pursuit of the next greatest invention since velcro. Obviously, trouble and hilarity equally ensue, often hand-in-hand.

If you're new to the site and you just came across Kerri's Big Invention on the front page, clicked it, but are still unsure if it's good enough to see, stop second-guessing. Click the "Play This Movie!" without hesitation. I guarantee you won't be disappointed; if there is one thing Joe doesn't do, it's that.

[b3 hit - mix]

What was all that about?

I think I've reviewed plenty of your work to sense a pattern. This one was completely disturbing. It ought to prevent anyone from thinking that Mausland centers on masturbatory aides like the Frank's Adventure series.

Onto technical standards: the animation is crisp and swift, the music (while not fitting the mood for violence) is crisp and clear, and your personal stance on boy bands is rendered quite lucid: you hate them and, if they won't die anytime soon, you will blow your head off. That message can be made clear if you can identify the style and origin of the background music.

Anyway, at around 500 Kb, this is quick and easy fun, with a loop to it as well. Keep up the good work. And keep up the bad-ass work while you're at it!

[You are a F*cking Moron5]

I Love This Series

Frankly, the "You Are a Fucking Moron" series is a breath of fresh air for celebrity roasting.

It focuses on quotes and behaviors of celebrities to prove their stupidity--once and for all. Superior intellect is often not a celebrity's strongest link. Someone can climb the ladder of fame faster than I can type and, for my mind and I, that's a bad thing.

The series' success in roasting celebrities on account of their brains is exemplary. If you overlook bad language, one finds a well-animated & topical host that cleans house--with superb voice acting. Reginald is the new standard for Flash Animators everywhere. His design and the background suit the mood well and does not detract from the main source of hilarity. His voice is off the wall--some people actually speak like that in front of a camera!

The fifth installment talks about good ol' President George Dubbaya Bush. And although I voted for him and stand behind his policies (no matter how financially expensive they become), I still find it fun to pick on how inarticulate he is. How much he deserves it is anyone's guess, but each president has flaws for the political cartoonists and bad comedians to exploit. He might not BE a moron, but he can SOUND like one!

Anyway, excellent production values and a roast-based premise that does not rely upon violence make this series a must-see for celebrity haters and a solid overall Flash for Newgrounds.

[BEEBO Part 6]

Each Guy Has the Same HEAD!

Ending up in Communist China after a harrowing burrow out of the depths of hell, Beebo's owner (still that disgusting wretch without any pants and with yellow-stained underwear) is captured by a group of guards, whom believe the guy has something to do with McCain.

Meanwhile, Beebo prepares to go medieval upon the freaks that wrong him. This is the creator's favorite Flash of Beebo for good reason: the action picks up and there's this sense of deadly urgency. And the owner today will be partly dippy with a chance of stupid.

Technically primitive, Beebo, The Cat Who Smokes, is another over-the-top gross-out-fest that gets better with every episode. It is suggested, however, that new viewers have the courtesy to view previous installments before making any final judgment.

[BEEBO Part 5]

Better and Better

Beebo, Retard Owner, two brothers, a loud-mouth old guy and a swave, silent operator are playing a healthy game of Uno. Retard, naturally, is losing. He starts badmouthing Wisconsin, and a guy from that state comes along and thoroughly beats the dignity out of him, stuffing cards in all pores of Retard's anatomy.

That's the highlight of the whole Flash: the fight and the aftermath. He rightfully got what he deserves. Anyway, the plan to escape by digging out fails, thanks to Retard's inability to grasp the effort-increasing powers of a shovel. He just whips it at the operator like the Retard he is. And he still hasn't found any pants to put on, or at least a change of underwear.

It finally happened: I laughed out loud at this one. It is sort of a culmination--it takes time. People new to the series are instructed to view previous Flashes of Beebo before making any final judgments about the series.

[BEEBO Part 4]

Beebo and Piece of Shit Owner Go to Hell! Sweet!

So, this guy has an incredibly bad record and goes to hell. The cat was slated for heaven, but he decides to shove the cat into the semen-infested underwear that he wears all the time--WITHOUT ANY PANTS FOR UNKNOWN REASONS! This guy would go to hell simply by parading around like the Master of the Universe in his underwear. I wish he had super powers, so he would at least be attacked and viciously crippled time and time again by an evil super villain, which would probably round out the haphazard storytelling.

Overall, I like the idea of going to hell for this guy. He certainly deserved getting his penis and testicles ripped away by a cat that should have went to heaven. One problem: to solidify the fact that he was, in fact, in hell, the maker could have at least added some sex appeal with a stellar cast of porn stars (not that they should be naked, but simply be there to tease him for eternity). The inclusion of Kobe Bryant as the terrible judge was pretty lame and tasteless, though.

[BEEBO Part 3]

This Isn't Too Bad

Earlier Beebo Flashes were muddled and technically decrepid. This one fares no better, except for the addition of drug humor.

Three Jamaicans wash upon the shores of America after their perilous escape from the island, which, in God's fury for anything Sodom & Gommorha, was fired upon with fifty feet-wide meteors. At America, they are saved from certain death by Beebo, and, in return for his generosity, they stuff him in the toilet. While Beebo smokes whatever the Jamaicans came along with, the owner (still without pants, still with yellow underwear, still with mullet and bad attitude) returns home, hears the Jamaicans' story, and drives them off with boiling water. In the meantime, one of the guys thinks the owner looks a lot like a whale he had fought during the journey, and, without hesitation, shoves a lamp-post through the guy's chest. But before Beebo has a chance to light up, the owner manages to shoot the furball through the head.

Now that I've spared many people from having to watch this one, feel free to watch the flick and pretend that I didn't warn you. At least it's better than the last two and, for a sequel, that's pretty damn good considering how sequels go.

[BEEBO Part 2]

Dude, This Sucks.

Well, most of it anyway. First, many thanks for not continuing those stupid Pope jokes from the last episode. Christopher Walken has an Australian section for his diner, huh? And Paul Hogan, like a total jerk, eats the sandwich our protagonists had ordered. This time, Beebo's owner (who is still dressed without any damn pants) sends the cat out to save the day. That pretty much summarizes this guy: he is a total frigging loser. First episode, he bashes the cat around, the next one, he has to ask politely for Beebo to save the damn sandwich. Maybe it's only because the diner forbade smoking?

As I said in the title: Dude, This Sucks.

[BEEBO Part 1]

Issues, Issues, Issues

A cat that not only smokes, but gets his body mangled by a plunger for it. I really didn't like how the pope got margainalized as a cash-bumming crackhead, but beating upon a pimp-like cat with a butt in his mouth was pretty cool. However, I was hoping Beebo would win, since Fugly McStupid was not a prize to behold, what with his yellow underwear, a WWF t-shirt, long hair in what appeared to be a mullet, et cetera. Also, the guy has issues. Attire aside, he has LOTS OF ISSUES.