Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[PSN is Down?!]

Going Under FUCK!

That's why I always purchase a fall-back game that doesn't need network play.

Not everybody can be the next Egoraptor, and this is proof. It comes close in spirit, though. A cleaner microphone and doing multiple takes for the voice-overs would improve the sound quality a great deal. The animation and artistry is shoddy. The wall graffiti doesn't look right; next time, use the free transform tool to shape the wall exactly according to the perspective so that the graffiti distorts accordingly. This is one of those cartoons where perspective work would really lift up the visual quality.

And perhaps it is with a sense of irony that the transition sound effect is the "1-Up" fanfare from Super Mario Bros., a Nintendo product. You don't notice it at first, but there is that sense of company disloyalty that stems from frequent maintenance fiascoes. Then again, everyone will laugh along with the Tourettes sufferer who endures them. Look for the little things, people.

Xaude responds:

You make nice points there man. Thanks for the tips.

[Drugs, drugs, drugs!]

Surgeon General's Warning: This Stuff Will Kill Ya

I remember those public service announcements but never really needed a reminder that drugs were awful. But some ads had to have been convincing. This could have been that ad. It showed heightened expectations that fell once reality is shown.

"Drugs, Drugs, Drugs!" is an excellent homage to anti-drug movements because it's a public service announcement in itself, tailored for the Newgrounds crowd. It's a low-size Flash packed with laughs, but with one caveat: the window is raised during the commercial but is lowered during the next scene, as some reviewers have pointed out. We don't think of it at first, but it's there, and never explained.

The Encore is worth the price of admission alone, however. Someone will likely release a cover through the Audio Portal of that song.

BillyNapalm responds:

Good eyes - I never noticed the window thing until now. I'm glad you still liked it!

[Osama Bin Laden At Sea]

Shameless Self-Promotion

Junkyard Animations is going to capitalize on the news of Osama bin Laden's death with the shirt that nobody will ever wear in public. I cannot help but half-smile to this.

JunkYardAnimations responds:

hey, it's at least worth a try.. if i make a million I promise i'll give you a thousand!!!

[Yotam plays Portal 2]

Warning: Racist Overtones

LazyMuffin is one of those entertainers on Newgrounds that never fails to stay topical and disjointed at the same time. I know plenty of guys on cable news television that are like that, which is why "Yotam Plays Portal 2" is another nail in this kid's coffin: he's going to end up being a ridiculous cable news commentator, a talking head who, by design, manages to keep this crowd's interest and spirits.

Like many game tributes and parodies (e.g. Halomen), this short cartoon captures an aspect of the original game but leaves out anything that might spoil one's experience in playing the actual game. That has led to some of the truly memorable tributes, because you don't have to worry about the parody ruining the experience of the game. It also takes something and drives it to its foregone conclusion while also introducing something completely different that, as it turns out, is the real message or theme... and it's one that practically any player can identify with: compulsions drawn from playing a game too much.

But a lot of people will be spooked by the overtones displayed here. I had figured that, since Yotam lives in Israel, he would be a bit more sensitive to its citizens. Though they are goofy and absurd, it might irk a few of us.

Still, players can identify with the central theme, which coalesces in various ways like looting everything from a dungeon, going back and forth between there and a village pawnbroker to ensure every last scrap of usable gear gets liquidated before hitting the next dungeon (if anyone ever played the "Avernum" games, they'd know what this is about). Then you start to do useless or anticlimactic buffoonery, trying to see if it can ever be done, just for the satisfaction of messing around. I recall figuring out the deadliness of falling from great heights in Hexen, and for a while refused to stop jumping off the cliff over and over again on multiplayer mode. My brothers and I would do it in unison, just to see if we could see each other fall during our descent.

So in all, I got a kick out of this. It's a simple, simple cartoon that should have been named better, but I suppose that's all part of the joke to divert our attention from the true subject until it hits. It's just a shame that LazyMuffin couldn't be bothered to take a piano piece from the Audio Portal to suit the ending.

LazyMuffin responds:

I'm going to be a talking head? COOL.

I think being from Israel actually makes me desensitized. I just used a jew train to describe an awful smell, I don't think it's that bad. The swastika is just a funny shape.

I don't consider this a parody, I just reference Portal 2 cause the idea came from the white gel situation. Then I just added the idea of gaming OCD and gave another example. I agree that the name is there to trick you, but I really didn't know what else to name it, if I had named it "Gaming OCD" it would have given away the punchline.

The music is royalty free ):
It's hard sometimes to find something perfect on the audio-portal, especially if it's not a trance.

[RPG Quest The Movie EP04]

Lame, with Rating Issue

Repeated uses of the F word warrants a Mature Rating ("R" Rating). One F word for a PG-13 movie (T).

it's not meant to be very good. I get that. It could have been done better in that regard... or better in general. Take your pick. By this movie's execution, I know well that no RPG Quest webcomic actually exists.

dullsworth responds:

I understand. You found paradise in America. You had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. So you didn't need a friend like me. Now you come and say "Don Corleone, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "Godfather." You come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder - for money.

["Heart Broke"]

Emo Emo Emo....

Well, this goes over the top and under it at the same time! I thought there would be a plot with this "Heart Broke" considering it included one voice sample, but it's just an overblown showcase of someone getting jilted real hard... and reacting to it even harder.

When do you know when to stop? I mean, even if someone saw the opening, which explains the trigger but not the cause of the resultant behavior... a good number of them would likely be disgusted, even horrified. The intentions were toward a joke, as though this stuff was nothing but a reflection on how people blow these things out of proportion. As things get blown out of proportion, the gore piles up but the laughs do not pile on. Sadly, the excessive, pointless brutality fails to get the humored reaction that it desires. It gets a bunch of blank stares instead.

Tack that on with the sensation of wasted effort. Claymation is virtually a classic animation approach without tween symbols or anything that Flash provides. Though crude in its cartoon aesthetic, the gore effects and character animation for four different figures took quite some time to complete. On top of that, Newgrounds' size restriction forces this one to be featured on YouTube for high definition (like it would get any prettier?). In short, this claymation had lots of effort pooled into it, just so people could gawk and shake their heads at it.

It's no wonder that its technical wonders and content got it Front Page status. Newgrounds tends to favor those who try to make a joke out of gore, like Assassin or Pico, All Fads Die or Madness. It's all the same to this crowd. Still, if you want a better representation of "TheSJProduction's" claymation ability, there are plenty of examples in his author profile and flash catalog than "Heart Broke".

TheSJproduction responds:

What? I have no idea what you just said, lol. The claymation HAS NO MEANING, its just simple and right to the point "broken heart". Art is art, the whole thing is made out of clay, and some hummingbird feeder for the blood. I made this because i'm showing how a person over reacts to heart break, and pretty much making fun of this pathetic planet i live in. idk if this answers your questions, i can't understand what you are saying. Can someone emphasize this for my human knowledge? lol
- thanks i guess-
~SJ~

[asdfm0vie4]

Utterly Disappointing

This is one of the biggest crews that made the lousiest garbage. I bet not even one person in this list contributed to the creation of "asdfm0vie4". There are scads of asdf shorts littering YouTube, and I suppose this is an homage to how easy they are to construct, and how awful they really are.

Which gets to the part about being utterly disappointing: if you're gunning for Turd of the Week, you might as well make something truly horrible and awful, and not just a satire that might actually have some relevance.

Heil responds:

u dont no nothing u fking moron

[HTFM:2]

No Improvements over Previous Episode

Yay, they get killed in a freak accident. Yay.

This sucks.

tacomanworld responds:

have you every watched HTF?

[HTFM:1]

Dull

Obviously inspired by idiots who ride shopping carts, as well as Retarded Animal Babies.

Kind of blah and lackluster... not to mention the lack of a replay function.

tacomanworld responds:

hey guess wat u suck donkey balls and go out with your mom and have to sell all ur stuff to get ur brain bigger so somehow u have the brain power to speak dumn ass

[A SlapHappy Quickie #11]

We Will Give You The Best Sex Ever

That damn song is in my head.

For a Flash made in one day, this is kind of okay. It's a random blurb, but hey, not every cartoon has to be a masterpiece.

Doesn't stop it from sucking major.

tehslaphappy responds:

WHA