Neophyte-Ronin's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[DangerCLOSEhalf.7]

Two Game Overs Under Ten Seconds, No Retry Button?

What kind of fucked-up control scheme uses WASD and the Mouse but doesn't use Left-Click to fire? You have to hold the space bar down? And the ship moves way too fast. Consider revising the numbers on those Cartesian figures in the code. Also, um... the first point: can't control for shit. For a test of a game, it rubs it in your beta testers' faces about how much they suck. Some kind of Troll-inspired game design? You have no choice but to suck when the game's control scheme sucks.

Just another possible free blam point when this should have been in Dumping Grounds for more positive and constructive scrutiny. Not that I'm saying this should be blammed (it's better than some things I've seen creep through), but soliciting suggestions from the people watching the portal isn't going to get you the information you need. Most reviews will simply say "It Sucks!" and not bother to elaborate.

Just keep trying. It's all I can say. And revise that control scheme!

DeathByStarfish responds:

I guess im the only one who played counterstrike cause i have no problem using my thumb for the spacebar. And i guess making fun of the testers doesnt help my reviews but meh. Do better. Ill look up this dumping ground thing you speak of. Itssupposed to be fast paced controls

[The Greatest Orb 4]

Unfortunately not the last Avoidance Clone

The chief complaint I got--other than a designer's negligent attitude towards known bugs, or their attempts at evasion in the matter--is that you can die real quick and never know what hit you. Then you're relegated to trying again almost immediately.

That's what I hate about "Avoid" games in general: they're marvels of lazy programming. You don't need to program lives or design a fancy control scheme or use lots of hitTest code or anything like that. Just a few lines of code, sprinkle on some window dressing (though I concede the design is at least cute), and you're good to go. No major beta testing period, just a steady hand and that's all the player needs. The only difference here is, to my amazement, the environment scrolls around, virtually unheard of in these games.

So while this game is bug-ridden filler to the glut of Avoidance games bobbing up to the surface like buoyant turds, really the festering cynicism is directed towards the concept itself. It's an utter waste of time. Avoidance games are a distant offshoot of shooters and paddle pong clones that make the most out of mouse interaction. They're just easier to program, test, and release. That allows for the music and graphics to get their emphasis during development.

What a shame that those are the only two strong points of "The Greatest Orb 4". Maybe it's good that this is the last of the "saga", so the developers can concentrate on a project that's worth everyone's attention.

MonoFlauta responds:

Show me one like this one, just one :)

[Pong my Brother-in-Law!]

Never Scored a Point with That Fat Head....

Don't listen to anybody commenting how you can't devise something, even something that's fundamentally flawed or mediocre, based upon a silly in-joke or involvement from relatives. That's just missing the point entirely.

The major issue here is that, from a few minutes of play, I was in a constant stalemate with the computer. It tracked the head with such flawless, precise effort that it was impossible to get a shot past it. Eventually, I just quit, zero points on both sides.

While Pong has been done to death, it has been done differently each time. This one's challenge rating is exorbitant, utterly ridiculous. The only good part about your in-law's fat mug is that it's a nice, wide target, which eases your ability to smack him back to the opponent but only makes it harder to get past the opponent!

In all, it is a grossly flawed game. That's why I gave it the zero. How you conjured up the idea behind the game is your business; you may even want to pursue more cooperation from relatives and friends in your Flash endeavors. Just keep in mind that if you're going to create a game, you ought to give it a beta phase where people can test whether or not it works, or if it can be beat.

michawthorne responds:

Tis a game of patience, my man... nearing the impossible styles of NES Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Double Dragon. Yet I am currently winning 15 to 7. Got what it takes? Thank-you for the tips. Here's one for yourself: the enemy ruler is not fond of simplicity.

[Hierarchical]

Can't Fit on a T-Shirt, Either.

I hate the presentation with a passion. It is the thing that should not be. For a flying shooter game, the word "Hierarchical" does not really come to mind. But I suppose "Pompous Donkey Rimmer Airliner" can't fit in the Newgrounds Flash Submission form.

Another thing I despise is that when you lift the nose of your machine, you shoot at an angle. Who does that? Maybe for realism this is okay, but this is another one of those meaninglessly pixelated flash games where everything is in boxes. Boxes! Far be it to consider that realistic. Flash's claim to fame is its functionality and emphasis on vectors for smaller-sized games. I know this one doesn't surpass 1 MB but I'm sure this game would be smaller if characters were rendered in vectors. Anyway, thanks to that angle-fire bullshit half of your shots made while dodging are pulled off target.

It's a shooter. Yippie. One of the really sucky ones.

Magical-Zorse responds:

Everything is made of boxes

[Butcherbugs]

They're in My HEAD!

Expand upon it.

It was made in three days, right? This was a thrill to behold in Full-Screen Mode, and the formation concept is something that will be ripped off by everyone else who sees it in action. Might as well take the hint and see if this can become a shooter with tons of levels, faster pace, or what have you.

Congratulations. This is likely the best of the crop from NG Game Jam 3.

Glaiel-Gamer responds:

i wont expand on the formation idea in the near future, maybe the far future though

[Music Explorer]

Sound Notion, Fun Even, but Poor Interface

The interface is rough but it's a genuine app that is actually quite fun to use. Let it play randomly and you'll find music you never even knew existed! Very cool. Still... that interface....

mastermachines responds:

Thanks for the feedback. Which part of the interface did you dislike? The search menu, the video display part, or both?

[Journey to the right]

Dull Construct of a "Better Mousetrap" Game

Judging by the first couple of flights, it would be a taxing feat to gather up enough cash to upgrade the machine. Also, the obligatory tutorial is far too lengthy and succeeded in boring me well before I started playing. Those two design bugs are the least of your worries.

The game engine seemed too slow and lacked ambient sound effects or even a simple, relaxing 20-second loop to accompany the experience. It didn't immerse me into the game, or made me care for the concept.

In all, it is a game that lacks incentive for most players to grasp onto it. Even so, there is a definite lack of harsh sentiment in the game itself. It's inviting, for the most part; most games of this ilk (hit-it-as-far-as-possible game) are often bawdy. If anything, building a better mousetrap to crash repeatedly is akin to an episode of Mythbusters.

With a few tweaks and "Journey to the Right" might actually be a decent game. Otherwise, Newgrounders will yawn and pursue something with a bigger body count.

DaveV responds:

Thanks for your review, i agree with most the issues you pointed out. I actually had to rush the final stages of the release and didn't have the time to add most of the sounds i wanted and didn't get a chance to balance the money earning speed. I'm gonna keep working on it in the next week.