Neophyte-Ronin's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[Super PSTW Action RPG]

...He Ain't Replying to Reviewers

Super Press Space To Win Action Role-Playing Game...?

This is satire... disgustingly bad satire... period. It picks on video game marketing and the dumbing-down of popular genres. If you value freedom and challenge in games, this is only going to piss you off. Do not expect anything better after just a few weeks of work.

It's all forced. You can't use force in satire. Government is force. If government is force, then it's only good at pigs, grunts, and courts. Everything else is superfluous. Government is, however, never a satire, since that and force don't combine so well. Don't pay your taxes and watch how satirical the government is.

Ad Debunking:

For "Dynamic Real-Time Combat", nobody will get it until they see "Press Space To Win". All you DO IS PRESS THE SPACE BAR to advance the game. No "Win" here.

"Upgradeable Stats" simply means that only certain playing styles--based on stats--will actually work. Lots of people prefer strength first. It's overused and unimaginative. Too bad the joke we "get" isn't "funny", though.

"Magic Spells" in such games are traditionally limited to "Evocation" spells that center around the four hermetic elements. Fire is overused. There are other spells from pen-and-pad games that receive no attention, spells that can work well in an action role-play if people don't mind programming extra variables and other nuances. Unfortunately, nobody is brave enough to try a change of pace, whereas the tired-and-true elemental approach will sell a game.

"Shops" sell antidotes and nothing but antidotes. Why do poisons only reduce health? Why not cause full-body paralysis, or make someone go unconscious? Why do I actually need to use an antidote in this game?

I counted two bosses... but one counts for two because he is allegedly bad-ass. I'll say. I doubt the ladies would want to taste that jerk. He doesn't even have a sexy voice. Did I read something about industry-standard pros performing voice-overs?

So, are these cinemas really worth the trouble, considering the decrepit game? Why, of course not! They have the terrific odor of cheese slicing through every last shred of my patience.

And when it came to testing my skills against the bosses... Pressing Space constantly made for a dull viewing of DBZ-inspired superhuman lunacy. It was enough to make me sick. Want some perspective? Think Final Fantasy: Advent Children. Enough said.

The soundtrack is of the proper diversity and length of a true-to-form Newgrounds Flash Game... but here, it is completely wasted, another fold in a satire against modern-day action role-play games. It's all a mishmash of John Williams rip-offs and dying soldier/honor code fluff.

Finally, the game intentionally sucks. This is on par with "The Most Unfair Platformer", but at least in that game, there was an objective you struggled for.

Super Press Space To Win Action RPG is just another sad author's sad cry against the commercialization and banality of modern video games... a trend that will continue as such arrogant fools do not nose-dive into that scene and tear it asunder with new concepts instead of old conventions. If such games drain the author's psyche, then devising a game that challenges--rather than merely pokes fun at--such games is preferable to forcing us to doubt the wisdom behind our video game preferences (and purchases, for that matter!).

If people think this review is too sour or morbidly serious, then they should wonder why they bothered to spend five or ten minutes reading it. It's the same length of time spent on Super PSTW Action RPG. Perhaps this writer should spend less time mincing the ineptitude of a satirist and work on his own projects? Of course, nobody should criticize the critic in the first place, especially while he's conducting research on how to design a game... and what to avoid.

In any case, keep up the GOOD work. Meaning DON'T WASTE TIME ON SUCH GARBAGE!

Rhete responds:

LMAO

You're taking this way too seriously

[Penguinz]

Incomplete but a Cheap Thrill

I don't say bad things unless I suspect potential greatness: this game seems "superbly incomplete", so to speak. For everything Penguinz delivers, it has half as many drawbacks, half of which revolves around how the designers seemingly threw it together without considering where they could expand upon... and what they could have done without.

The first complaint: inability to toggle sound and music on or off INDIVIDUALLY! Take Dimoria's "Cold Test" track. It's thematically consistent, but without volume controls for music AND sound, I can't play other music while hearing in-game sound effects. This should be easy to fix. It's cheesy to play Megadeth's "Wake Up Dead" while blasting penguins away, but hey....

Also, the track loops very poorly. It needs an action-script gotoAndPlay that playbacks at a proper cut-off point, or tweak the track through a freeware sound file editor like Audacity. Don't feel bad; many flash designers fail to edit loops properly. Even so, it's a wonder why few ever address such a problem.

Another issue with sound: I imagined the game lacked sound effects, but on reexamination, I discovered the music overpowers whatever sound does exist. I can't even tell if the sounds are stereophonic. Also, audio cues are crucial for a players' ability to succeed, as well as to become immersed in the game. I would love to hear anything else besides hard music and constant gunfire. That's not immersive, that's noise. Other sounds like ambient arctic winds or voice-overs would tweak the experience further.

Now, for game design, it's an arena-styled shooter akin to defense games. The swarms get bigger and bigger and you must find new ways to handle each wave of adversaries. Occsaionally, a boss proves troublesome for the unwary. Finally, it's all-or-nothing, meaning no extra credits in case you die; you restart the campaign from day one without any consideration as to how you died (lagging or internal bugs in the programming, such as how you bounce back while shooting but never while getting damaged by an enemy). This formula has proven popular of late--and easily repetitive. This game requires more arcade-inspired mechanics to flesh it out.

The game has diversity of munitions and minions, but not in environments. "Dull" equals "Sucks" in most game players' circles. It's hard to tell if hills add strategic depth since character running speeds do not adjust while climbing up or sliding down. We need hazards like falling into icy water. We could press the "S" Key to hide in the shadows at certain points of an arena, dodging gunfire and eluding their awareness so you can "head-shoot" them. Sliding down slopes and ramming enemies would be cool. If immersion in water has a time limit before damage, wimming may become a mechanic.

Improving enemy AI isn't such a bad idea, either. They just run in and strike from a prescribed distance, mob tactics with little chance of handling superior firepower, like the kind they face (with an astute player behind the helm).

Finally, you're a commando getting swarmed a few arenas... aren't you supposed to be travelling through enemy territory towards a final boss? Navigate complex platform stages, fight gigantic bosses between swarms of minions, don't get hit... "Penguinz" needs lessons from old games like Jackal, Bionic Commando and Contra. Alien Hominid did.

The arsenal is also imbalanced. The minigun trumps all in terms of efficiency and safety; even the chainsaw--with theoretically unlimited ammunition--is a death wish because melee doesn't work! I recommend each weapon be revamped, including the minigun.

Last complaint: the character ought to react to damage, like get knocked back!

None of these are oppressive faults... just glaring. Overall, controls and aiming are responsive and effective. Blood splatter animation and diversity of creatures--among the games' top selling points--are impressive. Penguinz takes itself for granted; it has potential to expand upon itself and make for an excellent game. The sequel better not disappoint!

Jimp responds:

Hey I didnt see this first, great review thank you very much for your time!

The sequel will not disappoint, I promise :)

[Quickdraw]

Fine Finish... Recommended for western fans!

Western-themed games are rare these days. I won't buy "Red Dead Revolver" since developer "Rockstar Games" is notorious for using innumerable cliches (convince me with a straight face that the Grand Theft Auto series could possibly prove otherwise). It's a travesty to see so many shooters on Newgrounds without a western edge.

This game has two drawbacks: Part Two is too predictable in terms of enemy placements, and the boss battle hit direction is poor. Barrels didn't explode when I shot them, so you might want to consider some revisions. The game compensates greatly with Part One's concepts. I saw this idea in a samurai game, but that one gave you a split second to respond. This model is vastly superior. All you need are proper typing and reflexes. And the shotgun's "Kick," emulated by the cross-hairs turning invisible, aptly captures the effect of a real shotgun.

This solid, western-styled shooter sends water to once parched wastes, though things could have been tweaked further.

BARMan responds:

thanks for the well thought out review :)

[Tempur 1.0]

Nicely Done!

This fighting game has deep customization, but a limited game...!

I haven't seen flash fighting games recently that capitalize on a Dark Asian world like this one. The last customizable fighter involved signature characters from popular video games, but the originals here may be customized, and look quite good.

Unfortunately, while features are comparable to a fighting game, the game has little variation. There is one attack buttona and a specialty button for countering and grappling. That isn't hard, but since the game starts rewarding the counter-happy and punishes aggressors, the balance of the game loses sway. There are many aggressive-type fighting game players that would scream at the developer for this.

If a second version could expand with techniques earned through experience or tuition, like in River City Ransom or Double Dragon, then this game would be a sure fire hit. This is four out of five.

Jannata responds:

Thanks for sharing your thought on the game, Neophyte_Ronin.

[The Legends of Hiro]

Incredible

When something this cool comes along, everyone cheers (and bars their impressionable children from it). Make that a warning: This is geared TOWARDS ADULTS.

The style and execution are worth a player's time; the designer should look into designing inexpensive graphic adventures for a living, since this radiates quality and love for the craft. And since file size cap wasn't breached, could Newgrounds denizens expect a series of quests featuring "Guy Who's Wise Hiro?" Or did we misinterpret the "Legends of Hiro" part?

"The Legends of Hiro" centers upon interacting with the denizens of Hiro's region, collecting the components necessary to banish a demon from the nether-world. With witty humor littering the interplay, particularly skilled (and naughty) players may discover a big "secret" as well. Yet, the game is short like many Flash-based "Graphic Adventures" (the technical term for the genre, since role-playing encompasses more complex elements beyond conversation and item-collecting).

This game is exceelent, but it is also classier than the Frank's Adventure series, featuring a more vibrant character with the correct level of sensuality that doesn't become utterly tasteless.

Visual-Noize responds:

Woooha, that´s the best review I read till now! Thanks very, very, very much ^_^ Are you working with a games magazine? Trés cool!
Yepp, you´re right, it´s a Graphic Advneture, no RPG ^____^