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82 Game Reviews

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A Mature-Rated Vending Machine Slaughtering Game?

At first glance, I figured, "yeah, yet another one of those 'incremental progress' games where you repeat something over and over and get a little new bonus here, another bonus there, based on how well you conduct some kind of juggling routine." In this case, whoever has played an MMO game will know the interface and cool-down concepts displayed here. Tanoku's take on the concept is satisfying, but if you're asking for a quick, effortless play-through, make no mistake: "Mike Shadow, I Paid for It" is a long, grueling ordeal. Casual players might think it gets dull since the proper way to advance is obscured beneath the countless options available. In other words, the game's boasting of its own features threaten to overwhelm or stupefy an audience who thought beating a vending machine to death was meant to be simple. I agree. How complicated must it really be to destroy a tacky, impersonal machine?

We start with Mike Shadow, a stick figure looking for a quick, refreshing fix. When the machine eats his quarter, he will invoke the horrors of the apocalypse to obtain his revenge. Your mission is to play a juggling game; each technique deals a certain number of hits with a fixed critical hit chance that will double damage. As his patience drops, you must hit the buttons in succession just as the attack animation concludes (use the gauge below the action as an additional indicator) so you prevent him from losing all his patience just by hanging out. Use the correct combination of techniques with proper timing to maximize the efficiency of your aggressions, dealing the most number of moves and the most amount of damage before your patience wears thin. Special Bonus techniques are available when your anger peaks. As you strike the machine, cash may fall out; use this stuff to "purchase" new techniques, improved stats, and even special effects to ensure you deal even more damage over time. Upgrade your original miniscule powers with greater ones, and so on.

What makes this game tricky is knowing where to invest the cash whenever you do acquire some. Aside of certain minor milestones that grant bonus money, you really have to wonder which ones do the most. I recommend players invest in both Critical Strike and Money Chance statistics as they become available. Trust me: you'll be doing yourself a favor. It can get tedious if you don't expedite the material rewards here, because the game has this vicious tendency not to cater to the casual crowd.

The payoff for your trouble, however, is getting to see Mr. Shadow get utterly over-the-top on this machine. It's not a bloody, bloody episode, even though it is brutality in general (against an inanimate object? Not necessarily tantamount to deviancy), although there are some humorous cinemas between your attempts which feature everything from zombies getting slaughtered (probably the reason behind the "M" rating) to just utter strangeness and coolness. Tack on a slick hardcore metal soundtrack and you have the workings of a technically plush game. Too bad the game contains premium features exclusive to Mochigames... another one of those practices that feels more like catering to a business interest or a watermark that proves your stuff must now belong to somebody else. If I were one of these flash game designers, I'd take greater ownership over my work and distribute all features of a game no matter what site it is presented. There are better, less manipulative ways to generate traffic for a site.

Mike Shadow looks like an actual contender among stick figure characters like Johnny Rocketfingers or Fancy Pants Man, as though he could become a main character in a whole series of games, not just this one. With the way he fights, he could teach all those Xiao Xiao imitators a lesson. "Mike Shadow, I Paid for It" is funny and stylish enough to warrant the character to reappear in other games. And if you get past the initial slow, slow pace of this game, maybe you'd agree. Or maybe you're too busy venting your frustrations out on the miracles of modern technology!

Why Hasn't This Gotten Front Page?

Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to perform a series of simple operations with your mouse and your wits. The first task requires you to search every area for clues, although most of the time, like in Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, most of the little doo-hickeys you can interact with are just there for show. It takes a while to find something that corresponds to what you're trying to do, but given some investigation, the first puzzle is surprisingly easy. The second part is just a masking layer effect (good example of an effective application), while the third part resembles some of the design features of the Newgrounds site (namely, the infectiously addictive mouse-over-to-blam portal .swf that was on display until about a few years ago, when they gave the portal page a make-over).

This is a modest foray into Actionscript by Ashley Voortman. Nothing incredible, but it's a game based on Newgrounds, a straight-up interpretation of what goes on, and nothing nasty. Good. There isn't enough clean humor on this ice cube to fill a star cruiser.

The perspective work is unusual; instead of one fixed angle where you interact with something, let alone view it, there are multiple perspectives, but really this feels more like a mirror image effect than a true perspective. It is a trippy effect, though.

Another big nod goes to the techno-heavy soundtrack. Many of the same musicians featured in "Mission Newgrounds" are still around here somewhere. Techno happens to be prominent in the Audio Portal, so using a soundtrack laced with that stuff adds to the authenticity of this being a Newgrounds-centric game!

There's nothing really wrong with a graphic adventure game, so long as it doesn't take forever to complete. This is a nifty little tribute to a cool site in the net, without grandeur or fanfare, so take it as it is! Also note that although it is a primitive code, it is the first foray into Actionscript that Ashley has made, and the style she has toward the medium is quirky enough to scout her for a project.

Stop While You're Ahead

Yeah, that was great, yeah.

No more.

jonohomo responds:

You loved it. You just cant accept the truth

Transferring Mind-Numbing Riddles to the Masses

If there is a kind of adventure game I naturally despise, it has to be the point-and-click. Ever since "Escape from Monkey Island" debuted with its irresistible charm and humor, every code-sucking schmuck has attempted to duplicate or even surpass it. In Adobe Flash, the tools and design materials provided for developers grant practically everyone with a basic understanding of coding to create their own point-and-click adventure games. A lot of them are not very good. In fact, only a few avoid being utterly deplorable. So, what does JonBro's latest adventure game, "Riddle Transfer", have above the relentless horde?

Well, for those who followed his previous "Riddle" series, "Riddle School", know that this is technically the sixth game released... yes, that's quite true. People who haven't played the fifth game might be a little confused in the beginning, wondering where these kids came from and why they befriended a gray, but therein lies the trap with writing a story that connects each game together: newcomers are leery of playing a series that started well before they decided to play a recent sequel. Other games, like Final Fantasy, Avernum, and the Legend of Zelda do not share this limitation, which is probably a key behind their success stories. Even so, JonBro sets the "Transfer" series in a new setting, derives the best game elements from previous episodes from the "School" series, and gives all players the chance to experience a new story that does not really require a background in the other games.

"Transfer" picks up where "School 5" left off: victorious over the sinister, despotic gray physicist Viz, Phil Eggtree and his friends are returning to earth. However, a sinister agency based in "Zone 5.1" manages to ensnare their transport and imprison each kid inside the facility. Phil must help his associates escape this dungeon and find a way to preserve the secrets behind their mission in deep space, lest any corrupt or unthinking interests apply that knowledge.

First thing off the bat: "Transfer" is bigger than any of the previous "Riddle School" games. It is filled with nerve-wracking puzzles, gallons of clean wit, and pokes fun at a number of cryptid lifeforms. It even includes a cameo from NG user Goat-Man's titular character. The soundtrack is a bottomless pit, all derived from the Audio Portal, and the feel of the game is far sleeker than most graphic adventure titles. The game should keep you around for at least one hour, perhaps more if you're not perusing a walk-through or cheating in some fashion. Production values and overall presentation are top-notch.

The problems should be obvious. Although it doesn't affect the game directly, needing some familiarity with previous "Riddle School" games might affect someone's desire to play it now. And if they play it after going through the other games first, they might be exhausted or their collected experience will affect their impressions about this game. Depending on their take on Graphic Point-and-Click Adventures, that might be an unsavory one.

The Puzzles come in at a close second. The real issue is their inconsistent difficulty ratings: some are too simple, while others are just mind-numbingly frustrating. It takes a great deal of investigating before you stumble upon a new key item and, like many graphic adventures, they operate by their own seeming logic, with few hints between. "Riddle Transfer" isn't just the hardest "Riddle" game out there. It's one of the hardest point-and-click games out there, period. Ordinarily, I would imagine the puzzles get harder in a linear fashion, but being an open-ended adventure, JonBro probably could not pace the game accordingly. That, above everything, is one of the reasons why I shy from point-and-click games: the solutions often serve to frustrate the player beyond hope. I want to be challenged, true... but I also want to WIN!

"Riddle Transfer" took half a year to produce. Let's hope the next one takes less time to address the faults of the first one. It's too promising a series not to.

JonBro responds:

I give my respect to you for the time you put in this review. Your complete honesty is very constructive!

It is certainly true that I started this off in a strange manner that probably didn't pay enough mind to people who haven't seen the other games. And even after having revised the intro several times, I guess I still made that large oversight. But as this is the first game in the series and the only one with a real reason for this kind of problem to exist, I'm afraid there's probably not much I can do for the future games in this regard. I shall try my best anyway.

I was worried about the puzzles in this game. While I never intended the design for this game to be incredibly difficult, I do acknowledge that some of the puzzles could have definitely been better hinted-at, and it was disheartening even for me when I realized my ideas for this could only properly be put together if the grass puzzle was one of the earlier ones. I tried to make up for this by not making the game completely linear, allowing you to perform easier puzzles as you went along, yet it still ended up being inconsistent. So I will also think harder about this in the sequel's design.

Thank you for your criticism. And of course, thanks for all the positive comments, too. This whole review was very enlightening.

Decent, Uncaptivating Art Game (Sense a Pattern?)

Being an Art Game, there isn't a great deal of game depth but "BlackLight" is a charming experience for the scant twenty minutes of play. It is also a production of a Newgrounds Game Jam, in this case the cap on frames-per-second was set to 12.

You start as an infant, then, a young boy, then a teenager and finally a young adult. While you go around the place, you can click on stuff and things happen. Look carefully. Once you figure it all out, though, things get pretty bland. If there were good things to point out, the art direction and use of a Newgrounds-borne soundtrack are perhaps the key elements of note. Some of the tracks induce yawns more than anything; they're soothing melodies for bedtime, or after sex when you're cuddling with your lover (assuming you guys even do that or have lovers in the first place!), but not the best thing to hear in a video game, especially a platform hopper that does require a sharp sense of timing at crucial moments.

Anyway, congratulations to the participants for a workable, bug-free Art Game. As for "BlackLight", it's nice... nice... not thrilling, but nice.

CloudEater responds:

I have mental problems! but thanks for the review or whatever this is.

Noticed a Freezing Bug

The game froze on me while in the rainy forest setting. Other than that, this is a slick piece of work, a Street Fighter clone but a good one, all rendered in Flash to boot!

Impossible

I sincerely doubt these designers have any clue about what made 8-Bit shooter games fun, because I sure as hell do. Two words: Learning Curve.

In "Blastral", which features sound effects ripped off from Metroid and an endless pit of chiptune music, you fly forth and try to shoot things that NEVER DIE, and then you get hit once AND DIE, and then you square off with a boss that DOES NOT DIE! And along the way, you collect green power-ups that do not have any visible effect on your survival, while dodging endless patterns of bullets while CONSTANTLY DYING!

It would have been a lot cooler if your weapons were actually effective. Battles against creatures take forever and there are no provisions of any kind worth mentioning. If your first try through the Easy setting got you killed multiple times over, the first thought is that your complaints toward the developers would get brushed aside, as if you just botched the controls (no option for left-handed maneuvering, which pissed me straight off) or weren't paying attention well enough. You would feel as though your intelligence just got insulted. Big time.

Such is the sentiment with all these Bullet Hell games. Few exceptions exist where you can sit back, relax, and only feel threatened during crucial moments, not ALL THE TIME, like this evil little departure. No. This is not a retro game. The games designed back then were designed to have some chance of selling, knowing that trade and consumer magazines would influence sales. If one of their reviews suggested that their game was frustrating to untold lengths from the very first level with no remorse or compensation, then the game WOULD NOT SELL! It would eventually garner a reputation as a Quarter Pit, and people would either pass by the game or pass by the venue. A similar effect occurs with console games today. That corresponds to another issue: if this was an actual coin-op, I would stop spitting quarters into the machine after the first game credit.

Having said that, do not think that this game is truly retro. It has retro window dressing, but the Bullet Hell concept is a modern variation of the top-down shooter. It entails creatures that are impossible to kill, that keep shooting in strange patterns where you have to concentrate solely on avoidance above offense. The only place where this sort of skill has any real application is along a South Cal freeway during rush hour, as the great Waleed Hawatky has said requires "weaving in and out of traffic like my name is Magic."

Which I will close, saying: any game that reminds me of rush hour traffic will be considered a chore, and chores are for preoccupying kids from anything they might consider actually fun. Don't give these creeps the chance to rob you of precious time.

I'm Ecstatic the Designer's Going to Burn with Me!

This game... this very game... is what is wrong with Newgrounds, with Video Games... EVERYTHING! It's all wrong! We're all going to hell in a hand-basket and this flash proves it. It has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and spreads inside the confines of your once-pristine memory as an infection... and infestation! Much like humanity. Everything sucks, and if you don't think so this game will remind you of why that is.

"Rapture Raptor" is another shoddy scheme to poke fun at the belief in the Rapture but it contains sound effects that screech and grind like rusty gears. Did you check your oil, little guy? This garbage wouldn't be stranded alongside the Portal if you did. Also, micro-games don't work if they're inane and stupid. Also, not being sure WHICH button to press to restart/replay one of those games is enough to make me leery of playing them AT ALL. If the designer can't get his interface right, what makes him think we will?

The Rapture happened. However, Jesus didn't find anybody among his faithful up to snuff and basically just passed over everyone, meaning everyone on Earth is going to Hell. He came to this decision when he played the beta to this piece of utter shit. So there is, like, no hope for humanity now that this game has been made. Be sure to bring some marshmallows for the trip.

TheBlueberryHill responds:

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

If my Audience was Japanese, It'd be Silent

Evil-Dog and I have at least one good thing in common: we didn't execute anybody. We did, however, end up dead once our mercy was discovered. Cambodia is a little known country that suffered a massive autogenocide in the 1970s. This game pays tribute to its victims.

"The Killer" features the twist of allowing the player decision over whether the victim dies or not, and the ending changes accordingly. This is almost necessary, because if it didn't have this, then it would be a regular movie and not require holding the spacebar down at all.

Chilling is the word. Most non-games don't appeal to be but I sucked it in and tried one. The use of transitions from day to night and so on really egged it on, while the lyrics of the soundtrack simply telegraphed the author's emotions onto us. It's important to latch on and identify with something naturally and not have to be led on by some sort of trick like a musical number.

On the other hand, stick figures and pixel graphics does seem like laziness. First of all, the faceless aspect of it does remove our impression of humanity from the picture. Mr. Magnuson runs the risk of being labelled an Essayist, creating everything just to prove a point and woe to any storytelling or aesthetics that get in the way. Even this problem is conceded, given the final images before the powerpoint presentation. If Jordan drew and animated (or tweened) two figures in realistic fashion, he would have to incorporate realistic drawings of all the victims piled upon the beach, an undertaking similar to the images seen in the final chapter of the Watchmen graphic novel. In other words, making a collage of slaughter with realistic human figures would probably force Jordan to enter therapy or take hard psychotropics to overcome the task. No, I concede to the advantages of authors who use stick figures as a means of avoiding direct contact with the grisly side of their subject matter.

In any case, anybody who shrugs "The Killer" off as a worthless art game or hippie foghorn is an apathetic lout. Wholesale slaughter of any sort does not need to happen. Seriously! Limited resources? Just a matter of perspective.

Brilliant Flash Shooter, Real Hard, Real Cool

"Stallone vs Trollface" is unlike other Flash games of its ilk. What it has is a premise of tactical and strategic depth that surprises you even if it's an otherwise polished action shooter. The toughness of the game will keep you there for a good half hour, but the limited number of stages will end the game too soon. It's almost the same feeling if you've played through Portal: great concept with unlimited possibilities but too short of an experience to exploit it.

We start with Stallone, perhaps a pound-for-pound representation of the actual action hero actor (akin to one of the bad boys you play as in the original Konami shooter "Contra"; the other guy you play as in that game is modeled after Arnold Schwarzenegger). He arrives deep underground in hopes of shooting a new movie but finds himself at odds with a big creature with a nasty attitude. With little else but his unlimited assault rifle and his wits, he ventures deep underground, searching for the creature while dodging his heavily armed minions. Stallone also encounters miners who have become hostages to the creatures; to progress through each level, all hostages must be contacted and rescued. Perhaps as tribute to action movies as well as ripping off design elements from Bomberman, Stallone can locate three kinds of explosives used to obliterate foes or burrow a path through each level. If those fail, he always has an automatic rifle, but watch it: Stallone cannot take more than one or maybe two hits, while his enemies are hard enough to eat nails and ask for thirds.

Part of what makes Stallone vs Trollface such a brilliant adventure is that the game is tough as nails. Though you have unlimited continues, you need to keep your wits up to avoid unpleasant close encounters with a bad guy. Even blowing holes strategically to create a point of cover or using ricochet from bullets or grenade throwing come into place. The hokey graphics and premise also add to the fun, and there's a sense of humor tinged throughout everything, especially the Game Over signs that don't outright insult a player's skill. Another good chunk of the game is that it is reasonably hard, not atrociously hard; while sucker punches are possible, the game awards those with a sense of patience and timing while handling the many opponents you will face.

If there is a true drawback to playing as Sly in the warrens of the planet, I haven't found it. This game goes highly recommended for anybody interested in some carnage, a tribute to action games, a good challenge, or just plain hokey fun.

When one is drained of all humor, anything beautiful is met with one of two things: disdainful worry or worrisome disdain. Anything ugly is met with violence. Flash is complex and beautiful, not a toy. Keep that in mind... or things get ugly real quick.

Age 41, Male

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