Neophyte-Ronin's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[|~Puzzatales!~|]

Puzzatales, Paving the Way to Another Flash Trend!

The creative, seamless conversion of movie clips into animated jigsaw puzzles may inadvertently start another rabid trend. I solved just one set of puzzles, gratified by the tongue-in-cheek cinema, before realizing what just happened: I had fun for fifteen minutes. I haven't actually HAD FUN playing a game in ages! The cinemas reward a player, even if jigsaw puzzles are typically associated with the elderly. The irony ought to hit kids upside the heads; ever wonder why your grandmother spent so much time staring at those little pieces of paintings that no kid in their right mind would bother to care about? Well, guess what, Clown-Shoes: if you played this game and conquered each and every story... well, you just became your grandmother for at least fifteen minutes!

Now, wasn't that fun?

The only issue I had was the character models, when vigorously animated, did not appear as polished as Spike's Speed Animations (those are mostly line-art, but still...), which compels us to ask if future installments might involve other artists and animators, in addition to programmers. It seems Spike is long overdue to participate in or initiate his his own collaborative project anyway. This project reflects well on him; it suggests what can be gained with a partner in crime in the background... the "Power Behind the Throne", as it were.

Since Puzzatales will become popular for months, even years, SpikeValentine and his cohort Moonkey ought to start planning the next installment, or compel others to follow their lead and develop their own... ultimately both, I fathom.
Moonkey's programming might become as discussed and sought after as the Scripted Camera used in Adam Philips' works. As SpikeValentine's first game, that is not just a promising first step... that is downright monumental.

Post-Script: I know of one thing we ought to give thanks to God for: goth babes.

[anti-virus nanobot alpha4]

Send this to the Alphas Section

The core elements of frenetic pacing and wayward enemy patterns is intact. Controls are stellar, although it seems like this is how a fully tricked-out machine would fight; you'd go from low to high-tech in terms of firepower and speed over the course of the final version.

The sound mixing is harsh. Consider a diverse range of explosions and effects as you develop the game further.

It has a good shot at being another good vector shooter, so continue the project. Just... remember that the NG Mag is where an alpha is appropriate, not the portal itself.

[Super PSTW Action RPG]

...He Ain't Replying to Reviewers

Super Press Space To Win Action Role-Playing Game...?

This is satire... disgustingly bad satire... period. It picks on video game marketing and the dumbing-down of popular genres. If you value freedom and challenge in games, this is only going to piss you off. Do not expect anything better after just a few weeks of work.

It's all forced. You can't use force in satire. Government is force. If government is force, then it's only good at pigs, grunts, and courts. Everything else is superfluous. Government is, however, never a satire, since that and force don't combine so well. Don't pay your taxes and watch how satirical the government is.

Ad Debunking:

For "Dynamic Real-Time Combat", nobody will get it until they see "Press Space To Win". All you DO IS PRESS THE SPACE BAR to advance the game. No "Win" here.

"Upgradeable Stats" simply means that only certain playing styles--based on stats--will actually work. Lots of people prefer strength first. It's overused and unimaginative. Too bad the joke we "get" isn't "funny", though.

"Magic Spells" in such games are traditionally limited to "Evocation" spells that center around the four hermetic elements. Fire is overused. There are other spells from pen-and-pad games that receive no attention, spells that can work well in an action role-play if people don't mind programming extra variables and other nuances. Unfortunately, nobody is brave enough to try a change of pace, whereas the tired-and-true elemental approach will sell a game.

"Shops" sell antidotes and nothing but antidotes. Why do poisons only reduce health? Why not cause full-body paralysis, or make someone go unconscious? Why do I actually need to use an antidote in this game?

I counted two bosses... but one counts for two because he is allegedly bad-ass. I'll say. I doubt the ladies would want to taste that jerk. He doesn't even have a sexy voice. Did I read something about industry-standard pros performing voice-overs?

So, are these cinemas really worth the trouble, considering the decrepit game? Why, of course not! They have the terrific odor of cheese slicing through every last shred of my patience.

And when it came to testing my skills against the bosses... Pressing Space constantly made for a dull viewing of DBZ-inspired superhuman lunacy. It was enough to make me sick. Want some perspective? Think Final Fantasy: Advent Children. Enough said.

The soundtrack is of the proper diversity and length of a true-to-form Newgrounds Flash Game... but here, it is completely wasted, another fold in a satire against modern-day action role-play games. It's all a mishmash of John Williams rip-offs and dying soldier/honor code fluff.

Finally, the game intentionally sucks. This is on par with "The Most Unfair Platformer", but at least in that game, there was an objective you struggled for.

Super Press Space To Win Action RPG is just another sad author's sad cry against the commercialization and banality of modern video games... a trend that will continue as such arrogant fools do not nose-dive into that scene and tear it asunder with new concepts instead of old conventions. If such games drain the author's psyche, then devising a game that challenges--rather than merely pokes fun at--such games is preferable to forcing us to doubt the wisdom behind our video game preferences (and purchases, for that matter!).

If people think this review is too sour or morbidly serious, then they should wonder why they bothered to spend five or ten minutes reading it. It's the same length of time spent on Super PSTW Action RPG. Perhaps this writer should spend less time mincing the ineptitude of a satirist and work on his own projects? Of course, nobody should criticize the critic in the first place, especially while he's conducting research on how to design a game... and what to avoid.

In any case, keep up the GOOD work. Meaning DON'T WASTE TIME ON SUCH GARBAGE!

Rhete responds:

LMAO

You're taking this way too seriously

[Ultimate Tactics]

Better Not Be "Ultimate"; Far From It, Really....

Ultimate Tactics reminds me of classic strategy games by Atlus, the developer behind Ogre Battle and Final Fantasy Tactics (they had a part in the game's development). However, there are plenty of hard knocks to address, forcing us to admit that this game is nowhere near perfect.

Very few songs get old after a while and they are grievously muffled due to compression while streaming, but they capture the mood of the game perfectly, so they are worth applauding. The soundtrack stands out.

Ultimate Tactics liberally borrows the cartoony style of Eastern turn-based strategy role-play adventures. Graphics are top-notch and solid overall, although making green tiles into what is supposed to be a natural landscape is downright treasonous. It is hard to dissolve such a blemish, considering what the designer has to work with, but it should have been a priority.

A graphical glitch sometimes occurs where a "bar" at the top of the screen appears after a previous graphical effect fails to execute properly, typically after a battle is resolved. The only solution is to close and reload the game in the browser. The buttons themselves are unaffected, so it is still possible to save the game before closing. It's more "surface nuisance" than anything, like when the old NES refused to properly upload and display the graphics, or when they went spastic. On that note, I guess this happens on Firefox--the browser I use--whereas IE or Linux might beg to differ. Mac or PC might pose a factor as well. In any case, look into it.

I had problems while targeting opponents that were A) behind an ally and B) one height increment beneath them. That was but one control issue, a byproduct of using the mouse to click on targets. The lack of keyboard shortcuts and the click-through-and-click menu interface made for rough experiences. All this... and the game's conflict resolution speed (displaying an action, the action itself, etc.) are abominably plodding. Players cannot quicken the pace through any means. Pair this with a lack of visual effects and you unleash a snore-fest. The lack of good "VIS-BANG!" stuff made me cringe; that stuff makes (and breaks) a turn-based strategy role-play game.

If players experienced a snappier pace, more of them would willingly play through the entire scenario, which is, for what its worth, quite long. However, It should be noted that this game is much too easy. In fact, the strategic elements such as topography, gauging distance, and striking from behind are so subdued that they are barely worth pursuing to secure victory. The enemy rarely strikes hard enough to pose a threat, so only ill preparation (no MP before a fight, low health, etc.) could account for failure. In short, most battles are tedious endurance matches. Thank God the lock-picking mini-game shakes things up... a little bit, at least.

Finally, and perhaps most damning of all, is the linearity and vapidness of the story itself. It's the classic mutant insurgency tale but without heart, no character, and little attachment or understanding as to what is going on. Linear or not, role-playing of the serious persuasion requires a greater degree of storytelling, a sense of risk, and a smattering of personality in order to ensnare potential players. Most turn-based strategy games of yore pride themselves on developing the individual players well enough for the rest of us to care about them.

Since Ultimate Tactics lacks these necessary elements and then some... it is safe to say that a second version had better address each and every one to succeed. There is potential, but this game needed more concentrated efforts before it could give the strategy role-playing genre any true justice.

Post-Script: If anything in this game is hackneyed or unimaginative, the text messages certainly are. Reading them is tantamount to watching hands of a clock.

[Hero's Arms]

Accident Waiting to Happen....

Berzerk tried their hand at a true-to-form retro game. Hero's Arms might take you back, but it is horribly irreverent to its source material. Ironically, true to the era, this game IS strangely addictive and enthralling, in line for a franchise with surprisingly smooth play. It even one-ups most Flash games of this era. Now, how cool is that?

Lukewarm.

Most bugs and complaints in Hero's Arms are blamed squarely on deliberate, campy flaws that play charades with the essence of a truly rough-hewn '80s classic.

#1: hitTest bugs

Enemy movement, moths and magipigs in particular, do not flow with the landscape. Moths don't fly over lava (well, understandably since heat rises) and escape through doors fly through walls. Magipigs teleport straight into walls, and then their fireballs pass right through. Also, the portal program fails to take proper boundaries into account. Even old school games had enemy behavior better than this. The only hitTest bug here is that there isn't aren't enough PROPER hitTests!

#2: Lack of Variety

The trouble in conceptualizing items and their functions is that programmers get lazy. Instead of manufacturing new item types for the second half of the game, the designers simply re-hashed old versions of said weaponry into more powerful incarnations, even going so far as not bothering to replace the old objects (as old school games would). Either I fail to "get the joke" or the designers were exceptionally lazy. I bid toward the latter (never, ever assume your audience is stupid).

That leads to the second part of this complaint and, incidentally, it deals with the "Second Quest" phenomenon: it plays out exactly like the first one, only with harder opponents and newer versions of antiquated weaponry, but you NEVER BOTHER TO REPLACE THE OLD STUFF.

The bestiary faces a similar dilemma. Developers made a progression of foes who are merely harder-hitting re-hashes, making this game into a monotonous hack-and-slash routine. No matter how immersed a player becomes, it's all for naught if they do not bother to recall the arduous leveling-up process.

Another issue is the soundtrack. NEVER make a repetitive soundtrack! Most soundtracks in the '80s were unusually complex and even catchy because musicians dealt with limited sound-fonts. They compensated with complex music theory. Fortunately, music can be turned off.

Truly epic, memorable games anticipate tedium and create caps on levels or intricate tasks to retrieve treasures for survival. The original Legend of Zelda had a second quest, three times as difficult since instances of items and adversaries were skewed. You're forced to fight with fewer items and must think on your feet to survive.

#3: Utterly Cheesy

Clearly, someone decided to hammer at the holes of yesteryear games but forgot the nails to pound with. The humor is miss-and-miss. It's supposed to spoof retro '80s adventure games. You'd think fish in a barrel is easier to shoot.

I didn't even know a village existed until playing the second half of the game and getting stuck. The lack of interaction or information regarding the game world--beyond homicidal bad guys rushing you--is not funny, but frustrating. On the other hand, NOT finding the first metal armor at the village shop made me into a trained killer and master escape artist. It happens after running around naked and brandishing a fucking STICK....

Speech text from villagers made me puke. In-Game cinemas made me gag in their goofy homoerotic depravity. It was so kiddy-kiddy that it detracted from my incentive to beat the game. They even described a new weapon as 'bad-ass'. Honestly, when does the hurting stop?

Nobody deliberately translated games to be funny. Localization companies used to change things around liberally. They would "dumb down" games to appeal to younger audiences. This was true for NES games. The difference here is that I'm sure the guys behind this one DO speak English AND understand western culture. No excuses!

Worst Complaint:

The 'best' items are exclusive to Kongregate.

[Bang! Heroes]

Twitch, Twitch, Twitch... where's my cover?

Overview:

I recently reviewed a game where the ability to crouch was available. Forgive me if I am biased.

Issue #1: Lag

While on a low-end machine, I discovered the uncanny trouble of lag. The game is complex to a T and the game starts having problems through the second act of the game. It is theoretically smooth--the game is engineered well--but there is so much happening as you play that it bogs down while running around in a gunfight. That's a bad thing.

Issue #2: Control Issues

The basic control array omits either hiding for cover in the shadows or crouching low to dodge fire over the head. There are no natural points of cover and enemy bullets move through obstacles. I understand that the player's fine-tuned aiming with the mouse is exemplary, but good God! If you had an award where you got through the game without getting shot--let alone killed--then you'd have to give its value at a thousand points, bare minimum. You're going to get shot. You're going to get frantic and you're going to hate yourself in the morning.

Even worse than the limited control scheme is the melodious pace of the game. Granted, levels are big and immersing, but it takes a while to get to the shop and acquire new powers, and there never seems to be enough gears to go around.

The worst aspect of the game, personally, is enemy behavior. The zeppelin-inspired aerial turrets can be leapt upon, but they ascend to an altitude just out of reach, thus they dismiss the opportunities that leaping on their blimps could provide. You might as well blow them out of the sky and move on; they'll only live to shoot at you. Also, the armored stationary turrets are wanker festivals each and every time you face off with them. Whether it is Steampunk or not, involving an automated cannon fusillade as annoying as that thing ought to be given a second thought, rather than just a first.

But Bang! Heroes definitely pleases the Contra in all arcade game players. Few at NG ever hope to compete with the sheer beauty of this game, let alone the incredible soundtrack. It is obviously reminiscent of Gunstar Heroes and the twitch-fests of yore like Contra and Super Turrican. Any game that stirs those sorts of memories has performed a miracle.

Then again, there are still bugs to be worked out, lag to be dealt with, and some fine-tuning of certain enemy's AI. Bang! Heroes is cheeky fun, but right now it is only after careful consideration would anyone want to linger and pull through the game.

[Red Moon]

Definitely a Series....

Opening Statement:

I hope designers are committed to sequels. This game screams 'franchise'. Like the Thing-Thing series, franchises have their control scheme and difficulty remastered with each version, so story or not, the game evolves over time. Unlike the Thing-Thing series, Red Moon can incorporate a cohesive learning curve and work to prevent player frustration or even intimidation during play.

Points to Consider:

#1: Story: don't get it.

Obviously I missed how Eivana considers such abusive relationships worthy of her continued attachment. If no sequel were planned, I figured Eivana would gut these trouser stains for her freedom instead of conquering a ruin. Rarely does dark fantasy achieve the proper mood AND some fleeting sense of psychological realism.

#2: Playability, a Love-and-Hate Relationship

Fighting and striding as Eivana is a blast since her control scheme is tight, atypical of most NG action games. However, her crouch and aerial downward blast techniques are two moves I failed to use because they are one-trick ponies--they are used in so few situations that they warrant disuse. Then the King's blasts kept killing me until I stopped being frantically nimble. Also, I never used that downward blast on living creatures. That might have cured a headache quicker, but such instances were rare. Using super moves as tools was a rarity as well, enough to be a mere novelty. You won't use something unless you discover its practicality. If situations that applied crouching arose before the final boss, maybe I wouldn't have bashed my keyboard in twain.*

Jumping is over-stressed; battles pale in comparison to the dread felt while staring down cliffs and hovering rocks--two dozen too many painful leaps. Most deaths result from a slip of the keypad while running up walls than actual sword-fights.

Now, on the other hand, fencing is accomplished brilliantly! While utterly different from Ronin: Spirit of the Sword, the swordplay in this game immersed me just as well. (I recommend Ronin: SotS for a spin!). Charged hits are cool, each strike dealing various levels of carnage. Fighting revolves around agility and aggressive first strike capabilities, although I recall parrying and swaying--not jumping--are necessary in fencing. No matter how well-executed the combination system is, swift and hard hits alike, there's little hope of escape once the enemy starts swinging. I can only prescribe preventative medicine, a dire ordeal. See, that's where the agility and aggression come in....

Even worse is when enemies corner you. It's great if YOU do it, but once you're cornered, forget it, you get pounded. Crowds are infamous for this. Most fighting games program instances that prevent someone from being beaten in a corner, such as enemies backing off to let Eivana wall jump and over the enemy to safety, preventing the high frequency of cheap deaths.

Final Complaint: Despite 20 Levels, the game is exceedingly short with few reasons to replay.

#3: Soundtrack Issues:

A four-song soundtrack gets old quickly.

Also, the lack of moody ambience threw me a curveball; this game NEEDS howling wind and running footsteps! Enemy howls or cryptic laughter from boss enemies are necessary audio cues from which to anticipate attack routines, allowing less confusion and fewer cheap deaths. The Power-Ups could use a splash of sound, too.

What DOES exist--and Nemesis Theory plays a role as usual--is still excellent.

In Conclusion:

Nobody pilfers quarters from a teens' hands with vinegar, okay? Restructuring the difficulty is a necessity. Going by unlimited continues--with or without the "RED MOON DEITY" award in place--is still frustrating in the end.

Red Moon is fundamentally cool and even fun, but a direct sequel without changes (except increasingly "creative" stage layouts that only cause frustration) will be panned. Expand Eivana's powers, the bestiary, sound effects, and optimize to reduce file size. Boom. Franchise city!

*: Now that, obviously, is a joke. You probably figured that one out, though....

[Area 101]

Needs Improvement

A small viewing area is a chore, the lack of sound effects and mellow music derailed any sense of urgency, and the delivery overall seems too lackluster. It's interesting, however, how you can adjust your score by spending it on upgrades. But who would want to accomplish anything in this game if they're not having any fun?

[Penguinz]

Incomplete but a Cheap Thrill

I don't say bad things unless I suspect potential greatness: this game seems "superbly incomplete", so to speak. For everything Penguinz delivers, it has half as many drawbacks, half of which revolves around how the designers seemingly threw it together without considering where they could expand upon... and what they could have done without.

The first complaint: inability to toggle sound and music on or off INDIVIDUALLY! Take Dimoria's "Cold Test" track. It's thematically consistent, but without volume controls for music AND sound, I can't play other music while hearing in-game sound effects. This should be easy to fix. It's cheesy to play Megadeth's "Wake Up Dead" while blasting penguins away, but hey....

Also, the track loops very poorly. It needs an action-script gotoAndPlay that playbacks at a proper cut-off point, or tweak the track through a freeware sound file editor like Audacity. Don't feel bad; many flash designers fail to edit loops properly. Even so, it's a wonder why few ever address such a problem.

Another issue with sound: I imagined the game lacked sound effects, but on reexamination, I discovered the music overpowers whatever sound does exist. I can't even tell if the sounds are stereophonic. Also, audio cues are crucial for a players' ability to succeed, as well as to become immersed in the game. I would love to hear anything else besides hard music and constant gunfire. That's not immersive, that's noise. Other sounds like ambient arctic winds or voice-overs would tweak the experience further.

Now, for game design, it's an arena-styled shooter akin to defense games. The swarms get bigger and bigger and you must find new ways to handle each wave of adversaries. Occsaionally, a boss proves troublesome for the unwary. Finally, it's all-or-nothing, meaning no extra credits in case you die; you restart the campaign from day one without any consideration as to how you died (lagging or internal bugs in the programming, such as how you bounce back while shooting but never while getting damaged by an enemy). This formula has proven popular of late--and easily repetitive. This game requires more arcade-inspired mechanics to flesh it out.

The game has diversity of munitions and minions, but not in environments. "Dull" equals "Sucks" in most game players' circles. It's hard to tell if hills add strategic depth since character running speeds do not adjust while climbing up or sliding down. We need hazards like falling into icy water. We could press the "S" Key to hide in the shadows at certain points of an arena, dodging gunfire and eluding their awareness so you can "head-shoot" them. Sliding down slopes and ramming enemies would be cool. If immersion in water has a time limit before damage, wimming may become a mechanic.

Improving enemy AI isn't such a bad idea, either. They just run in and strike from a prescribed distance, mob tactics with little chance of handling superior firepower, like the kind they face (with an astute player behind the helm).

Finally, you're a commando getting swarmed a few arenas... aren't you supposed to be travelling through enemy territory towards a final boss? Navigate complex platform stages, fight gigantic bosses between swarms of minions, don't get hit... "Penguinz" needs lessons from old games like Jackal, Bionic Commando and Contra. Alien Hominid did.

The arsenal is also imbalanced. The minigun trumps all in terms of efficiency and safety; even the chainsaw--with theoretically unlimited ammunition--is a death wish because melee doesn't work! I recommend each weapon be revamped, including the minigun.

Last complaint: the character ought to react to damage, like get knocked back!

None of these are oppressive faults... just glaring. Overall, controls and aiming are responsive and effective. Blood splatter animation and diversity of creatures--among the games' top selling points--are impressive. Penguinz takes itself for granted; it has potential to expand upon itself and make for an excellent game. The sequel better not disappoint!

Jimp responds:

Hey I didnt see this first, great review thank you very much for your time!

The sequel will not disappoint, I promise :)

[stickBRAWLER]

Solid Fighting Engine

This is a good achievement of straightforward programming. It handles extremely well but the enemy AI is simplistic and victories typically happen when someone gets the first strike and repeatedly bashes the other guy. It also happens to the player, especially when a gang shows up.

This is a very transparent engine. There are all sorts of things one could try, like a selection of fighters with different powers (pick-your-poison spiel) or interaction between the arrow keys and the attack button for a greater diversity of techniques. Perhaps these can be unlocked as the player gathers experience points, or trained for reasonable tuition fees.

It seems incomplete, although it does stand somewhat on its own as well. If an artist or three can step up to the plate, a powerful brawling game can be seen in the future.