Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Fisthead vs. Pinata]

"Assholes Don't Deserve to Have Bitches."

Ah, the actual author submits his Uarts opus... or rather. UNLEASHES it onto Newgrounds at last! To clear up his comments, someone submitted "Fisthead" onto Newgrounds without permission, which spurred an official release with a disclaimer. Now that it is here, I can tell everyone all about how cool this short cartoon is. It is a gory satire on extreme superhero cartoons, featuring gratuitous exploitation of the fairer sex and a gimp with a fishing pole. There are also ninjas, but LordSpew must be a pirate fan.

In this over-the-top tribute to Saturday Morning Cartoon heroism and Adult Swim (heavy inspiration stemming from the Superjail series), "Fisthead" pits its titular superhero against a nefarious sentient creature called the Pinata; trapped inside its lair and beset by henchmen who wield weaponry based on his only known weakness, he must punch his way up the tower and defeat his nemesis before it's too late. Yeah, we've all heard this plot before. Sufficed to say, justice wins in the end, even if it gets a little sticky.

One of the first things you will notice about the animation is that it has excellent lip sync and solid voice acting; only in a few situations (such as Pinata's harem exiting the scene) does the animation quality drop, and even in those moments it stays above the average efforts of other animations at Newgrounds. The extreme flexing sequences are worth the price of admission alone; everything is made to present Fisthead as an overblown adrenaline-guzzling nuke, so much that his cheek muscles stretch too far when he's screaming like a madman. Pair that with a killer thrash metal theme song with high-pitched chorus, and you have a character who likely gets his own series, on this site or on network television, just from the personality alone. The comic writing and storyboard coordination, not to mention sound production, are all excellent.

Creating a compelling narrative, however, becomes difficult even if we suspend our disbelief. Main issue: none of Fisthead's villains pose any real threat. Also, no conflict or climactic sense of risk is given, since it is unknown why Pinata, besides his arrogance and Machiavellian demeanor, is on Fisthead's shit list. The awesomeness gets undercut when we realize that, even if we weren't supposed to, there's nothing here for us to actually care for. It's just a gag of gruesome gore, nothing we haven't seen before, devoid of any true emotional content. It's one thing to be clever and a sharp wit, but something else when you want to actually communicate something valuable or significant to the audience. LordSpew's production does not reach that far; he's got everything else going for him, but this is the sort of material that B-Movies and bad video games are made of.

Of course, "Fisthead", if the project continues, will become well-established in the Newgrounds spectrum through satirizing the use of extreme presentation and violence, something that Newgrounds is well-accustomed with so far. If it can get us to care about the guy's plight, or give him a situation that challenges him, maybe the challenge to keep us interested in the series wouldn't be so difficult.

LordSpew responds:

2 minutes got cut out of the beginning due to the film only being allowed to be 2 minutes long for the school assignment. The part that sets up why either of these characters are in the predicament is in the works. The animatic and voices had already been recorded but I chose to, for the sake of premiering him asap to just give people the craziest parts. I can't promise that a villain will ever totally challenge him. Its more like... villains naively stumble into him thinking they stand a chance. The villains end up being as stupid as he is and always meet a gruesome end. I think that we all need some senseless gore, honestly. fisthead facilitates this. It is funny. I, personally am tired of characters that make too much sense and follow this generic "hero" archetype. He will accidently kill civilians and only with the laughter about how funny he does it , will he be forgiven.

[Stop, drop and roll]

Stupid Puns and Senseless Sadism are Not Funny

Any Flash that types out "LOL" anywhere inside of it should provoke suspicion from viewers.

So this author called "ALEXADVENTURES" decides to make a brand new flash sit-com called "ALEXADVENTURES!", a series of shorts about a guy who works as an office stiff. "Dumber Than Advertised" comes to mind, considering the only way an adventure happens in office buildings requires a Christmas party, a dozen disenfranchised terrorists-turned-criminals, and Bruce Willis.

As for Alex, he's just an asshole. Assholes are, to personal memory and in general statistical terms, not funny. They smell. They smell very bad.

Then you have his companion, who burns to death. The phrase "Stop, Drop and Roll" alludes to the proper means of extinguishing fires off your body. Considering the guy fails to grasp this and continues burning profusely, one could imagine that we're just better off without one more moron. Now about that other one....

The cartoon is described as a "Test" to determine whether or not the rest of these cartoons, which have yet to be uploaded to the Internet, should be presented before a willing audience. Judging by how poor this piece is, I regret to inform the author that "Sharing is NOT Caring". It might be better to just skip the upload altogether and give the rest of Newgrounds a moment's peace, provided that the rest of these legendary "ALEXADVENTURES" have equivalent quality to "Stop, Drop and Roll".

Alexadventures responds:

This isn't even part the "Alexadventures" series, its just a short. Totally not related to anything im working on at the moment,

And the "Stop, Drop and Roll" title, it was originally called "Fire" but i
thought it simply wasn't catchy enough, i can easily change it but i probably won't.

[Bjorn - Deleted Scene]

What?

Yeah... and am I supposed to care about this? First there's a poor impersonation of The Dark Knight and then there's a MudGOL (from Final Fantasy) that shows up. Then it cuts off, The End.

That just... didn't make any sense. Of course, it is listed as "Deleted Scene", but this could have been part of many "Deleted Scene" compiled into a single file, rather than just one. This could have also been an Easter Egg inside an existing, completed work.

In other words, never showcase single Deleted Scenes and expect a positive review.

BjornStrongcock responds:

Thanks for watching!

[Deliverance ep. 2]

Deliverance: Making Couriers Cool Again

"Deliverance" is PParreira's debut cartoon series, unpolished and campy. It has enough seriousness behind it to keep one's attention while throwing out parodies and mischief that prevent it from becoming too dramatic.

In this story, fun-loving Dan and his associates, straight-laced Jackoo and silent redhead Aisan, set out to become military recruits. However, in the previous episode, Dan shot down a messenger bird in a parody of the NES game Duck Hunt and led his crew under false pretenses to the home base of a hardcore Russian military organization called Vrauden Force. Meanwhile, Artisan, a courier agency manager, tries to convince one of his agents to deliver captured firearms and munitions to Vrauden Force HQ, a contract worth 350k in Pounds. A confrontation between these parties will likely occur in the next episode.

Several The voice-overs, while okay, also sounded faint, as if the recording levels were inconsistent. Also, going over the register on a microphone when yelling is painful for everyone involved. The color scheme, hints of web216, tend to drag the art direction down. The animation and scrolling are both choppy as well. If voice and music go out of sync, it can be remedied by typing the frame rate as a little under .03 as much, meaning 24 fps becomes 23.97 fps. It is an imperceptible straightening out of the sequencing that the program compensates for. That's one known workaround to exist.

There is plenty to love, of course. There are parodies of "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" and "Mythbusters", littered with J-Pop rave parties and silent film excerpts in a continuous stream of absurdity that is both clean and cracked. The redhead Aisan has become my favorite character: she tags along, says nothing, and does things that just stick out and make you wonder... like, how? WHY?

The only thing I want to see is Deliverance in its entirety. PParreira should make every effort to ensure this thing, no matter how outlandish or poor-looking, is completed as a series. It is great when you're a flash author, greater still if you've created a whole series.

PParreira responds:

thanks for the review
as for the voice clips, I still don't know why it got out of synchronization, but if I changed the frame rate it would affect the whole flash, and it just starts to unsynchronize after the silent 50's clip.

Well, at least on my next one I didn't had the same problem.

[LL-Awards]

Give the Lock Legion a Cookie for Good Effort!

At least it ain't spam.

Most crews on Newgrounds get type-casted into delivering said refuse but this is actually okay. It's a cartoon, with a plot, punchlines, tension, and some absurdity.

In "LL-Awards", Samegame Lock has produced a good chunk of flask material but is at odds with the Legion's recognition. Can Sunshine Lock assuage the wounded ego of one of his growing talents?

This is a good demonstration of a sit-com episode and not of a typical crew submission. It is small in size and to the point. It even features a workable running gag, a sort of non sequitur corresponding to a character's perceived involvement and actual inclination. It's a nice callback that served as mortar between all these little bricks, and is a handy example for other flash artists, including those who are leery of a crew's inconsistent portfolio.

Some of the music could have been changed so as not to risk copyright issues but it fit the mood in what I could call "flawless dissonance". Typical "Speakonia" voices dub the whole experience, although I have noticed several instances where the subtitles do not exactly follow what is heard. If subtitles are meant to help deaf people enjoy the Flash, then it better be accurate. I doubt they are intended to be a gag in themselves, judging by their presentation in the Flash. Profanity was pervasive, as if the comedy leaned upon it being like that. While the Flash has the timing and it can crack plenty of smiles and laughs, some might consider an excess of profanity as a writer's crutch and vote lower than they normally would.

Also, the pronunciation of "Samegame" was botched by the Speakonia. I think it's supposed to be pronounced as the two words Same and Game. If that were the case, typing the name with a hyphen between the words might help ("Same-Game"). Then again, I might be wrong in how it is properly pronounced.

In all, "LL--Awards" delivers some good comic mischief in a short run and demonstrates Flash's ability to generate a silly cartoon with just a few props, tweens, and rhythmic timing. There are plenty of flaws, but rough diamonds are worth more than rocks any day.

************************

[Note - the use of the "F" word more than once, along with general pervasive language, demands a "Mature" or "R" rating for the cartoon. Nothing personal here, just adhering to MPAA guidelines. It might be a good idea to switch the "T" rating to the "M" just to better represent the content.]

Courgy responds:

That is one substantial review right there.

Thanks for the feedback bro.

[Velociraptorism]

What are you, the Church of Scientology?

Cute. Real cute.

At least it's not another one of those ASS-DUFF movies. This proves beyond reasonable doubt that 10-Ton Entertainment can transcend the stupidity of past releases and come up with a tall tale for the ages. The pace could be quickened though, and the stiffness of the voice talents ought to be shaken off. Other than that, this is nice.

RageNineteen responds:

I really don't know..quite how to respond to this. It starts out with a REALLY condescending tone, then infers that I've only ever submitted asdfmovie3 to my account even though I have about 5 or 6 good movies in there but then turns into genuine constructive criticism and compliments?

Thanks...I think?

[judgement day may 21 2011]

Party Like it's 1844

God this looks like one of those stupid ass-duff movies, like their version of a religious epic. It's also a waste of time, because once again it derails religious types without putting any real thought into it. Just point at, defame, move on, eat, drink, sing and be merry for tomorrow has no end, and blah blah blah.

It's time to end this shit. Besides, it's irresponsible. The last thing you want to do is laugh at the wisdom of the ancients when you don't have a clue about what they were actually saying. That goes for people who misinterpret (often literally) holy scripture. Seems a lot of people just miss the point.

The people who wave signs that the world will end often do so because nothing is infinite, everything collapses and, for them at least, something has made them reconsider their old assertions about our mortality. There's a lot to be said about someone who anticipates horrors and one who lives without a care about the future.

Why May 21, 2011? Got a more magical date than that? There's a thunderstorm tonight where I live. I don't think one of those is the beginning of something called the "Rapture". It's just another minor miracle we can only study but never truly duplicate. The world will end when it wants and we can do nothing to stop that. The only thing we can do is quit bitching at each other over who believes what. That way, OUR own little world might actually be saved.

Post-Script: This is okay. It should never have used music from Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars, but it works. This might even get Front Page and, if it does, hats off to you. Whatever. I still say it could have been better than just another ASS-DUFF movie. Kind of kills the message, right?

captainTAICHOU responds:

message? what message? I think you are looking too deeply into this. I watched Naruto, ate some chips, made a flash about judgement day and then i masturbated for 5 minutes.

There's no message in this video, trust me.

[::Roommates::]

Nothing Special, Just Half-Smile Worthy Fun

Just to be sure, the use of the "F" word twice, spoken or otherwise, warrants an "R" rating according to the MPAA (in NG terms, a Mature, or "M" rating). Freakin' is okay, however. If it's used once, it gets a PG-13 (aka "T").

Now that we've squared that away, I must say that, while the sounds are low in volume, they are both clear, with solid voice-overs. It's a cute sit-com skit with the emergence of a prismacolor elder goddess to boot. While it's nothing extraordinary in terms of visuals, it is actually a good example of flash cartoon design. It's also low in file size (considering Flash is meant to be that way), so props to that. The use of pixels, on the other hand, is raster in action; smooth vectors would probably reduce the size and make things look even better. But that's neither here nor there.

Given the compact time frame and ease of creation, this can be a fair series if you put efforts toward that. It's a little too much like Bert & Ernie (which summarizes Destructo Box, come to think of it), and by that I can safely say that I'm happier without roommates. Far happier. Stick with what works with you, but don't be afraid to try something original.

ViolentBuddha responds:

Thanks for reminding me to change the rating (totally forgot about that bit of written language towards the end of the skit) and that insightful review. :D

[It's over, Marcus!]

Too Late to Consider THAT, Buddy

Suicide Prevention Week is always a blast. My favorite web comic character, Yuuko Ishida, was born from this week.

This is a nice anti-suicide flash. Light-Hearted and without the traditional crass attitude of other cartoons. And yet still hilarious.

P.S. Look up Sapoman in the Audio Portal and listen to his song "Knife". It's a more serious approach to the subject.

Steinberg responds:

Just went to Sapoman page and he have some great work, thanks for showing me him.
Also I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the review!