Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Jimothy Sprinkles Ep. 2]

Electrical and Fiery

Man oh man, this is deserving of Front Page. Whoever drudged this sinkhole up was gunning to clip the tires of all the animation snobs who think everything has to be clean lines and feasible. This is highbrow-turned-lowbrow and I loved every minute of it, being a cross between David Firth and Junkyard Animations, with a very black humor and incredible sense of timing with the jokes. Production values are low, but who cares?

This is all about the impossibility of such a supernatural creature in Hugo Boss with a penchant for gutting women into pig chow and wearing people's scalps as masks... and getting away with it every single time no matter how outlandish. Therein lies the brilliance of this dark comedic horror show: it exaggerates the presence of evil in everyday life until it becomes an elephant sprawled upon the loveseat in your den.

While Jimothy Sprinkles Ep. 2 isn't groundbreaking or trendsetting on its own, one thing is certain: it is one of the highlights in John Sanderson's disturbing repertoire of cartoons. This is recommended for any lover of the macabre, or anyone out for a cheap laugh punctuated by horror movie overtones.

jackthetrippr responds:

This is the best review I've ever recieved. I'd give you a handjob if I could.

[Clayos - ZOMGIES]

Halloween Collection! (NO! Zombie Collection....)

Should have waited for Halloween or something if the voice-over crew was being lazy. If most of it was already finished, something else could have been released in the meantime.

Still... it's okay. It's only a personal slight of mine to think that zombie movies and games are grotesquely overrated, but I did chuckle a little bit. A little. Meaning nobody could be that stupid and be featured in the final battle in a zombie movie. It was impossible to maintain a suspension of disbelief, which is required if you want someone to laugh with the joke.

Production values are up there, of course. The look is cartoony, the female voice-overs are well-portrayed and their recordings are sharp as ever. Trouble is... Mr. Price's voice-overs suffer from being too distant in comparison to the ladies', so some mixing issues have to be cited.

The F-Word got dropped twice and there is a fair bit of gore. According to the MPAA's criteria, you're allowed one F-Word for a PG-13 (or T Rating around here) but beyond that is an R rating. Not like us Yanks are picky about such things, but it might warrant a revision in the rating, just to be safe.

One last caveat: when you shoot a firearm with a bent wrist (like if you were shooting your head), you shatter your wrist in the process due to the kick-back of the gun. It'd be better if she discharged the gun with her thumb, so she only blows the head away and keeps the wrist intact. I make the assumption that she's going to get up and want to feast on brains, and a limp wrist would only be a liability to her survival.

Overall, Clayos' ZOMGIES is a good demonstration of how to create a cartoon in Flash: short, sweet, and loaded with black humor. Next time, scout for a more reliable voice-over and consider the feasibility of a joke before you insert it.

Kreid responds:

Very... technical there :P

[Party Time?]

Yep, Pretty Much a Horrible Blight Upon the Earth!

For a do-it-yourself job, it's pretty... bad. There is some wit to be had in this piece, although that music will freak people out and I'm sure the visuals can cause epilepsy.

I know a guy in Australia, his name is Jon. When he composes a Flash he makes a note to count the number of hours it took and how many weeks. His material is incredible, but some take close to 100 hours of time to compose. Give yourself that amount of time, spread across several days, before you come back with a new Flash for us.

marmph responds:

Thank you for the very thoughtful review. Don't worry, this will never happen again.

The fact is, I have worked (and am working) on some games that are months-long projects. I just thought it would be interesting to see people's reactions to this kind of animation.

[Castlevania Whip Crack]

Gross-Out Spoof, rambojoe Style

You know... I was reading those Author's Comments and figured, "That's right, they're going to have Simon get killed constantly by Death!" Instead, the uh... well the uh... uh....

Yeah, anyway, this reminds me a lot of Contra Rampage, which had a fluid frame-by-frame style and perverse sense of humor. Same thing here. The second act is reminiscent of Pleasure Island II by Greasy Moose (aka Sexual Lobster) but is nowhere near as pretty. The animation is fluid but ugly and crude. Maybe that's the motif of rambojoe or the other animators.

This is definitely recommended to anyone who likes Castlevania, homoerotic animal husbandry, or just wants to kill it with meteor. There is little doubt that this, as long as there are no game parodies there at the moment, will get the Front Page for a spell.

kalabor106 responds:

Yeah this was sort of a random idea. The constant beat down of death might of been a fun one too, hum. Thanks for the review.

[BBTNG Episode 2 FB poop]

The Next Generation of FatBadger?

Funny in a bad way, this is a runner-up for Turd of the Week. Nice spoof of Star Trek: The Next Generation... but it's nowhere near being an homage. And again, the cracks on Japan's disaster continue. This is not for anybody who prefers to keep those seven minutes for some other endeavor.

FatBadger responds:

Hey man not sure what you are referring to. What movie did you just watch?

[Horace And The Deer]

Creepy but a Major Camera Issue

I saw WHITE in the first shot. Apparently, the camera is messed up. Either reposition the symbols to cover that up or adjust the scripted camera (or whatever). Reset the parameters of the flash if you have to.

Eerie and bizarre to say the least. The music improved this effect. I still think Horace is too cartoony to convince us of the mood, though. The deer was somewhere between Bambi and The Ring. Interesting Play Button, too. Even if this is a half-baked first flash, a strange style and potential exists in the author.

StevenCarpenter responds:

Where do you see white? I don't see any when I play it. Thanks for the constructive criticism though!

[I Love Jesse]

Masterful Efforts, Brilliant Parable

Unlike most flash with a religious allegory or theme, this one is a serious one that forces you to think. Mr. Lam's intent is successful in this case.

This is actually a hardcore piece of work that exemplifies what Flash is capable of. The use of tweens and lip sync are fluid, the cartoon style throws you in, and the do-it-yourself voice-overs, complete with a crowd (unheard of in most Flash!), helps to immerse the audience. As Krinkels said, however, the theme is difficult to decipher; it requires audience interpretation. Whether this was deliberate and part of Mr. Lam's motif or simply a flaw in the narrative is anyone's guess.

"I Love Jesse" is not just a parable but a sharp satire of modern day, extending well beyond the religious arena for which it is designed and inserting itself into other facets of everyday life and of human behavior. Thank goodness Jon took time to rethink the concept and pump reckless hours into it. Shout out and get this movie known to all the crazies populating this site!

nahtanojmal responds:

Well I have to say that is the most intellectual review I have gotten. Thank you :D

[the Murder Paradox]

Brilliant Collaboration

All things considered, I hope you get in the top 3. First place wouldn't be too bad, either!

"The Murder Paradox" is a classic take on perception that decries the notion that "Hell is Other People." It's moving and even has a twist.

At first, I thought this as another "Dot Dot Dot" rip-off, as there are countless text animations due to its popularity. Then I found the art direction and some voice-overs lacking. It seemed inconsistent. Then there was a firearm in the middle of the street. You never question something so out of place when it gets overshadowed by something even more shocking. As the plot unfolded I realized something amiss--a plot inconsistency--and then the twist came. By then I was hooked and came to realize that this is passable in its visuals but stunning in its depth and content.

The realization and juxtaposition between perception and reality toward the end is why "The Murder Paradox" is a great flash by itself and a surefire contender in the competition it was made for.

NuclearTeddies responds:

Wooo, you used some fancy words, but I think I get all of it :)

I must admit that we were inspired by dot-dot-dot, but the story changed a lot in the progress of making the animation, and so did the function of the words.

At first we just wanted to start with the main characters arguing, with the words they used being visible. However, we later changed the story in a way that made not only the gun, but also the nemesis an illusion (therefore the 'paradox' was lost, but we liked the name :D ). The words would then return throughout the story a few times, to visualize the ideas and the true nature of the main characters :D

I'm really glad you got to like it by the end, even though you had some mixed opinions about it throughout the beginning :)

Also, we ended up first place in the regional rounds, which means we are up for the national competition next month :)

[Her Needs]

A Heartfelt Letter to Pavel

Dear Pavel,

Besides my ceaseless demands for the amount of time you siphoned from my day, I should congratulate you for making the kind of horrible, twisted material that gives Newgrounds its notoriety. No doubt Tom Fulp or some other jerkweed among the Admins will spot this and say, "Oi! This will go GREAT on the Front Page!" You know it will happen.

Which comes to my second point: since I cannot blow the whistle at this point, I should stress the necessity, if possible, of switching that Mature rating to an Adult one. Visual representation of a sex act with genetalia--not just an off-camera schtick--is X-rated material. Mature is more like... oh, say rated R, where off-camera stuff happens, or is implied through sound effects or softcore (i.e. sex act without seeing genitals in the shot). Your flash cartoons always got a laugh out of me but watch it. If you had put an "E" rating on this, someone would have blown the whistle on it.

As for what worked in the cartoon, one word: timing. 'Tis legendary. How could this cartoon get any worse? Wait for the end. Few have ever mastered, let alone perfected, comedic timing of this caliber. If the content doesn't send them screaming for the hills, "Her Needs" might be utilized--with an appropriate disclaimer--to petition your way into collaborations or commissions as a resume showcasing your technique. If they look past the gross stuff, you're in.

But for anyone else who casually happened upon this, they would gag. Comedic timing notwithstanding, I suggest you branch out to other kinds of material. All things considered, the crudity should have stopped ages ago. Well, maybe....

Thank you for reading,

Neo

JunkYardAnimations responds:

I appreciate the time you took for writing this review, and out of respect I will change the rating to Adult! Thanks my main man!!