Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Final Fantasy Fanfare]

"YOU JUST GOT BONED, F, T, DUBAYOO!"

[Better as a Music Video than a Parody, although they're pretty much both, so....]

I haven't seen a Final Fantasy tribute that includes so many characters since Legendary Frog. In the same vein, a lampoon song is used. BrentalFloss' lyrics are applied with fluent ease to poke fun at the age-old grinding element found in these games. Want a real challenge? Never stop to level up, like, ever, and don't be afraid to run in case you're getting besieged. Some games are cooler if you don't bother to linger and hunt squirrels all day. "Final Fantasy Fanfare", of course, makes no distinction between players: everybody who has played a game like this knows you end up farming monster corpses. So it decides to shatter the serious tone of those games with something that characters must sing after encountering so many of these stupid freaks that, to wit, often have no relevance to the actual plot (unless they symbolize inner monsters within the party, in themselves or one another, but again... lame diversion).

Instead of that, let's play a game as a fun diversion: can you prove your utter geeky side by identifying all the characters? If you can, you're probably someone who will burst into flames at the slightest hint of sunlight. As per the influence of Brian Clevinger, the Light Warrior party for the first Final Fantasy is devoid of religious types. If you look even harder, the author also slipped in a tribute to the late Charles Schultz. It doesn't fit into the context of the characters, but if I made suggestions on who would fit what roles, I would find myself bursting into flames at the slightest hint of sunlight.

One of the drawbacks of the video is that the art direction is pretty crude. While I'm tolerant of all art styles, the variations of "Chibi" just seems like a cop-out--admitting you either dislike a proportionate style or you are just too lazy to put added effort--and since it has been done to death, its appeal and impact have eroded over the years.

Despite the hype in the pre-loader, this is the furthest thing from a Tonberry & Cactuar/Sabotender reunion, although they, unless they are getting poached, would not fit into the context of the video anyway. It's like featuring a bunch of ninja babes on the front cover of an Archie comic who never appear in the episode. While seeing those morons in action after five years might be pleasant, it never happens here, so whoever does recall those early parodies ought to feel gypped. Remember "GoldenEye: Rogue Agent?" Critics had been temperamental about how a mediocre game rode the waves of the James Bond film and N64 game "GoldenEye", when it had little or nothing to do with them. If the addition of Tonberry and Cactuar is otherwise random, I might let it slip by, but let it be known that a Flash author ought to be leery of artificially inflating the expectations of the audience.

Of course, none of these drawbacks prevented me from smiling profusely. Many of the good parodies and tributes are non-sprite, and the "Final Fantasy Fanfare" proves that. With the way PParreira is going, creating an original series and parodying famous (infamous?) franchises, he is prone to becoming Newgrounds' next King of the Portal, or at least one of its most cherished niche animators.

[Stop, drop and roll]

Stupid Puns and Senseless Sadism are Not Funny

Any Flash that types out "LOL" anywhere inside of it should provoke suspicion from viewers.

So this author called "ALEXADVENTURES" decides to make a brand new flash sit-com called "ALEXADVENTURES!", a series of shorts about a guy who works as an office stiff. "Dumber Than Advertised" comes to mind, considering the only way an adventure happens in office buildings requires a Christmas party, a dozen disenfranchised terrorists-turned-criminals, and Bruce Willis.

As for Alex, he's just an asshole. Assholes are, to personal memory and in general statistical terms, not funny. They smell. They smell very bad.

Then you have his companion, who burns to death. The phrase "Stop, Drop and Roll" alludes to the proper means of extinguishing fires off your body. Considering the guy fails to grasp this and continues burning profusely, one could imagine that we're just better off without one more moron. Now about that other one....

The cartoon is described as a "Test" to determine whether or not the rest of these cartoons, which have yet to be uploaded to the Internet, should be presented before a willing audience. Judging by how poor this piece is, I regret to inform the author that "Sharing is NOT Caring". It might be better to just skip the upload altogether and give the rest of Newgrounds a moment's peace, provided that the rest of these legendary "ALEXADVENTURES" have equivalent quality to "Stop, Drop and Roll".

Alexadventures responds:

This isn't even part the "Alexadventures" series, its just a short. Totally not related to anything im working on at the moment,

And the "Stop, Drop and Roll" title, it was originally called "Fire" but i
thought it simply wasn't catchy enough, i can easily change it but i probably won't.

[Bjorn - Deleted Scene]

What?

Yeah... and am I supposed to care about this? First there's a poor impersonation of The Dark Knight and then there's a MudGOL (from Final Fantasy) that shows up. Then it cuts off, The End.

That just... didn't make any sense. Of course, it is listed as "Deleted Scene", but this could have been part of many "Deleted Scene" compiled into a single file, rather than just one. This could have also been an Easter Egg inside an existing, completed work.

In other words, never showcase single Deleted Scenes and expect a positive review.

BjornStrongcock responds:

Thanks for watching!

[Madness Abrogation]

Aren't Those Episode Names Just Plain Annoying?

Although its many imitators often just annoy me to death, the original "Madness" series engineered by Krinkels is one of those cartoons that first evolved from a simple mass slaughter and its gray-scale, faceless, emotionless, red and yellow cretins somewhere out in Nevada into an apocalyptic scifi/horror series that has never failed to please with its stunning animated choreography, ripping soundtrack, and sheer brutality.

Having reached a new milestone with "Madness: Abrogation", the tenth official episode in the series, it is unlikely that anybody can top its visual and visceral splendor. It will turn off plenty of viewers, as always, thanks to an indecipherable, operatic plot that fails to offer any resolution in the future (perhaps as Krinkels, the author, always intended as a joke on the audience, for who really thought the "Chicken Dance" music could create villains as creepy as "Tricky the Clown"?).

As a plot synopsis, Hank and his loyal associate must brave another facility operated by the "1337 Crew". Of course, there is a dark void of corpse-sucking personified violence who serves as ringleader, along with a series of giant crewmen, ichor-blooded crewmen, and other pleasantries and traps. Oh, and a stone-scroll-shear game... for who goes first down a dark pit.

Hank has seen better days. If the unhealed wounds littering his frame are bad enough, he sports a crustacean-like arm to replace the one before and his size seems to have been altered as well. Why he continues to spar with these cretins, or what their purpose is, will always be unknown. As usual, Krinkels sprinkles strange computerized warning messages on the screen as a means of dialog, but these do not help us draw conclusions about what is happening.

In all honesty, Krinkels is in love with his ability to amass a stupendous plethora of goings-on in a single screen with impressive fluidity and just one guy at the animating helm. This has resulted in two things: long waits for the next episode in the series, and the audience gets forced into replaying or at least rewinding whole sequences to make sure nothing is overlooked. Even if the gripping sequences kept you from looking away from their sheer awesomeness, it can prove to be tiresome when the action is constant and the plot is nonsense.

Now, the plot might not be the point, but there are recurring characters like "Savior", a dark parody of the Christ that pokes fun at the whole eternal life/resurrection belief by having the character restore countless thugs and crewmen as zombies instead. This horrid aberration must have an origin and fate contrary to the eternal origins of whom he is based, right?

Or "Tricky"! Madness Combat's "It" or "Joker" character, a hobo with facial makeup and an absurd cult following among fans... surely Krinkels can cater to their need for an unstoppable antagonist (actually, he does so here, so that's kind of moot).

Even Hank, also featured in "NG Rumble", perceived as the original faceless slayer of a world tainted with techno-biological insanity, has no suitable epilog devoted to him. All of this amounts to an eventual sequel in the series, just to beat around bushes again!

Despite these complaints, which target the series on a whole rather than a single episode, "Madness: Abrogation" is at the cutting edge of flash cartoon choreography and proper effects, especially sound mixing. Look past the horrific themes and excessive gore and you have a cinematic style that few have mimicked with any success.

The heart of Madness is that chaos surrounds the screen without explanation, without remorse, without any seeming hope, and the protagonist (often Hank in this case) must tread through this nightmare-infested apocalypse with just his fists and wits to start. In a sense, the "Madness Combat" series is in the horror sub-genre of adventure fiction, where the only stakes are one's life and sanity. Perhaps that alone, being surrounded by insanity and trying to stay sane, is what makes "Madness Combat" not only popular but also endearing and enduring as well.

[Deliverance ep. 2]

Deliverance: Making Couriers Cool Again

"Deliverance" is PParreira's debut cartoon series, unpolished and campy. It has enough seriousness behind it to keep one's attention while throwing out parodies and mischief that prevent it from becoming too dramatic.

In this story, fun-loving Dan and his associates, straight-laced Jackoo and silent redhead Aisan, set out to become military recruits. However, in the previous episode, Dan shot down a messenger bird in a parody of the NES game Duck Hunt and led his crew under false pretenses to the home base of a hardcore Russian military organization called Vrauden Force. Meanwhile, Artisan, a courier agency manager, tries to convince one of his agents to deliver captured firearms and munitions to Vrauden Force HQ, a contract worth 350k in Pounds. A confrontation between these parties will likely occur in the next episode.

Several The voice-overs, while okay, also sounded faint, as if the recording levels were inconsistent. Also, going over the register on a microphone when yelling is painful for everyone involved. The color scheme, hints of web216, tend to drag the art direction down. The animation and scrolling are both choppy as well. If voice and music go out of sync, it can be remedied by typing the frame rate as a little under .03 as much, meaning 24 fps becomes 23.97 fps. It is an imperceptible straightening out of the sequencing that the program compensates for. That's one known workaround to exist.

There is plenty to love, of course. There are parodies of "Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney" and "Mythbusters", littered with J-Pop rave parties and silent film excerpts in a continuous stream of absurdity that is both clean and cracked. The redhead Aisan has become my favorite character: she tags along, says nothing, and does things that just stick out and make you wonder... like, how? WHY?

The only thing I want to see is Deliverance in its entirety. PParreira should make every effort to ensure this thing, no matter how outlandish or poor-looking, is completed as a series. It is great when you're a flash author, greater still if you've created a whole series.

PParreira responds:

thanks for the review
as for the voice clips, I still don't know why it got out of synchronization, but if I changed the frame rate it would affect the whole flash, and it just starts to unsynchronize after the silent 50's clip.

Well, at least on my next one I didn't had the same problem.

[Aaj 2: Testicle Trouble]

Welcome to Adult Swim, I will be Your Guide

Some things need time to develop properly. Take a look at the Metal Gear Solid series. Those games took, like, forever to get released. Each of them. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!

"Aaj 2: Testicle Trouble" features good voice-over talents, an actual plot that isn't random bullshit artistry, and plenty of horrible wit. This is another good addition to Mation-Moron's catalog and portfolio, enough that the author would do well to stay consistent and develop this series above the others. Plenty of absurdity to exploit, see. It also takes time to mess with itself to get jokes, citing the production time as a chief complaint. It is also sure that it is very below par and, if you take the plot seriously, you would agree.

This is a science fiction tale about a special consumer product designed to improve your intellect with the side-effect of boosting the intellect of one's gonads (in this case, Jasmik's testicles). Convinced that his shrewdness has improved, Jasmik begins purchasing it en masse and pursuing intellectual fields, even pontificating that humans have evolved from Manatees. However, when the side-effects start to manifest themselves, Jasmik is forced into a battle from within as well as without.

The veteran voice-overs have matured over the years and actually find themselves in roles that complement their range perfectly. In addition, this cartoon is a total screwball festival with a possible chance of working as a sit-com on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.

Not everything is honky-dory here, though. The sound quality is debatable, being compressed and muffled like crazy. It has some popping that kind of detracts from the experience, as well as the score. The soundtrack scoring, derived from a few public domain orchestras and some copyrighted stuff, could have used some royalty free material from the Audio Portal. The author has also forgotten to credit his voice-overs so that we know who's speaking the parts. Finally, the author skipped over the pre-loader/replay screen entirely, making the movie loop even though a scene selection could have improved the presentation a great deal.

However, "AaJ 2: Testicle Trouble" is a silly romp, worthy of a few viewings and possibly even Front Page status. Mation-Moron can make this into a series... more often than before, anyway... but does he have the chutzpah to do it?

[Meme]

This is What I Wish the INTERNET was Like!

Some Memes are hilarious... to an extent. Others have lost their purpose, or rather, their meaning. And a few have become so repetitive that they provide a very convincing argument in favor of censorship to the point of burning digital mainframes and harassing anybody caught proliferating such memes.

Meme is a diatribe of wishful thinking, short in length and file size but compensating with poignancy and chilling frankness. The explicit definition of its seething undercurrents is sheer frustration. It wants these things stopped. I say, "Here, here!" because with the recent flood of "Nyan Cat" variations and submissions by the Lock Legion, now may be an appropriate time to reevaluate all these stupid memes, from Troll Face to Rick Astley, All Your Base to Over 9000, and see how they came to be and why they continue to haunt us.

When you watch this Flash, remember that the author's frustration over these stupid Internet gags, as wonderful as an unceasing pop-up ads or as magnificent as watching your mother die of throat cancer, might just be your own.

[Sean and Such Ep. 5]

Sean and Such--Almost Like Watching "Adult Swim"

"We don't have dog grooming...."

"Can you kill my greyhounds instead? I got like four of them...."

"Sean and Such" is another flash sit-com of the type you watch on Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim", and it has equivalent production values. Not to say they're good in themselves, but they can land on Adult Swim without a problem. This episode lacks a plot, but you can identify with the plight that Sean, a pet shop owner, must contend with.

One of the things that struck me was that, while it is fairly contemporary, it is set ten years ago. They chat about Dreamcast and new Mega Man games (one of the exec producers quit Capcom recently).

The voice-overs are well-acted, but obvious that a few voice talents were featured, even across different accents and dialects. The authors seem inspired by "Clerks", or Kevin Smith films in general, which influences the relationship between Sean and Tom. They are virtually analogous to the characters Dante and Randall, in temperament and sensibility. While playing straight against wild is common in comedy, it is no secret what material is getting borrowed from.

"Sean and Such" doesn't quite stand out a whole lot from other episodic flash sit-coms, but it is a nice source of smiles, perhaps potential filler in an Adult Swim time slot.

[LL-Awards]

Give the Lock Legion a Cookie for Good Effort!

At least it ain't spam.

Most crews on Newgrounds get type-casted into delivering said refuse but this is actually okay. It's a cartoon, with a plot, punchlines, tension, and some absurdity.

In "LL-Awards", Samegame Lock has produced a good chunk of flask material but is at odds with the Legion's recognition. Can Sunshine Lock assuage the wounded ego of one of his growing talents?

This is a good demonstration of a sit-com episode and not of a typical crew submission. It is small in size and to the point. It even features a workable running gag, a sort of non sequitur corresponding to a character's perceived involvement and actual inclination. It's a nice callback that served as mortar between all these little bricks, and is a handy example for other flash artists, including those who are leery of a crew's inconsistent portfolio.

Some of the music could have been changed so as not to risk copyright issues but it fit the mood in what I could call "flawless dissonance". Typical "Speakonia" voices dub the whole experience, although I have noticed several instances where the subtitles do not exactly follow what is heard. If subtitles are meant to help deaf people enjoy the Flash, then it better be accurate. I doubt they are intended to be a gag in themselves, judging by their presentation in the Flash. Profanity was pervasive, as if the comedy leaned upon it being like that. While the Flash has the timing and it can crack plenty of smiles and laughs, some might consider an excess of profanity as a writer's crutch and vote lower than they normally would.

Also, the pronunciation of "Samegame" was botched by the Speakonia. I think it's supposed to be pronounced as the two words Same and Game. If that were the case, typing the name with a hyphen between the words might help ("Same-Game"). Then again, I might be wrong in how it is properly pronounced.

In all, "LL--Awards" delivers some good comic mischief in a short run and demonstrates Flash's ability to generate a silly cartoon with just a few props, tweens, and rhythmic timing. There are plenty of flaws, but rough diamonds are worth more than rocks any day.

************************

[Note - the use of the "F" word more than once, along with general pervasive language, demands a "Mature" or "R" rating for the cartoon. Nothing personal here, just adhering to MPAA guidelines. It might be a good idea to switch the "T" rating to the "M" just to better represent the content.]

Courgy responds:

That is one substantial review right there.

Thanks for the feedback bro.