Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Broken Machine]

Savage011 has produced a number of cartoons over the years that, despite lackluster, mediocre artistic merits, contain a great deal of earnest heart. Each cartoon has serious tone and pays homage to various genre films, like summaries of whole bunches of them. For that, they are worth checking out. "The Broken Machine" is a classic example of Savage's signature approach. It's a science fiction thriller that should have debuted on Robot Day with extra polish.

The robot Jones must retrieve an emotion disk able to restore his companion's neural network, but his employer is interested in the disk in another way. He gift-wraps information about who holds it, but are they truly on the same side?

The artwork and sound production are on the low side, but nobody can deny that this emulates a wide variety of sci-fi thrillers that Hollywood produces on regular occasion. It's also a great tribute to the ridiculous fascination Newgrounds people have with robots. MindChamber ought to get a kick out of this. The lack of vocals, perhaps a nod to silent films, is another Savage trademark--he doesn't use dialog to advance a simple plot begin with. Maybe Savage cannot incorporate voices into projects just yes, or does not wish to. In any case, you leave his cartoon with a warm smile from the cozy familiarity of the subject matter and of its treatment. This is a labor of love.

A drawback is lack of artistic flair. Flash is difficult to work with since lines never appear as they are intended without playing with settings or bending and flexing straight lines into desired contours. It's hard to transition from pencil and paper to digital media. Also, despite hints of an art background, particularly with facial compositions, Savage has a long way to go. His is a cartoonish approach that belies subject matter, showing limited routine opportunities to sketch and study the real stuff and transition this into the digital medium.

So, in the interest in helping a solid contributor to the Portal, I recommend investments in the following: Pen Tablet, Document Scanner, Figure Drawing Courses (or just study and sketch or trace photo-realistic images of humans. Carry a sketchbook everyday and everywhere.

Once you get good, you could submit a slideshow Flash displaying your best sketches; Shadman is notorious for his digital sketchbooks (well, notorious in general). Access to a document scanner is required, although a digital camera that lets you transcribe AND trace collected images onto Flash is better if you're otherwise mobile. Snap photos of anything, not just the eye-catching stuff.

Explore some of Flash's features. A Tablet is the biggest transition, though it can be tricky to draw without looking at where your hand is. Actually, this might actually be good. I've noticed long ago you can create beautiful lines without that feather effect if you don't pay attention to where your hand is, but rather where it is going. This can be transmitted to typing as well, not only to fingers but to the screen itself: look elsewhere while typing. I will write in a notepad, prop it next to my monitor, and type what I've written. Create everywhere.

Don't produce in a vacuum--simple professionalism demands being social with fellow colleagues. Don't be afraid to gush and schmooze fellow Newgrounds artists in particular whose work you applaud. Keep it up and stay consistent and enthusiastic every minute with your work. Never be afraid to keep this up, even if you think you suck right now. These steps and more are crucial to the development of an effective cartoonist.

"The Broken Machine" is a nifty Flash and shouldn't be brought down from limited artistic merit. Plenty of heart courses through this cartoon; it's to the point and can teach a veteran a thing or two about pacing and keeping it simple. "The Broken Machine" isn't flashy, but that's another source of charm: it doesn't draw attention to itself. That's got to be commendable, right? 3.5 of 5.

savage011 responds:

this is probably my favorite review of all time, i really appreciate how you looked into this alot, thanks man

[FUZZY TOILET SEAT - choco]

Holy shit, Reno and Elena!

What, hasn't anybody ever played Final Fantasy VII?

Back to the review: Eightsquare composed a cartoon about addiction and inner turmoil devolving into psychosis. And it's colorful.

Esther loves a good chocolate bar, but remember that cacao products contain caffeine, a stimulant and diuretic that humanity happens to utterly rely upon, being completely fucking addicted to everything nowadays. The Straight-Edge types have gone unheard long enough, because the crisis of conscience that Esther's co-worker rouses within her ought to be a wake-up call. A silly wake-up call, but a wake-up call.

Kudos to Eightsquare's hopes of launching a series with "Fuzzy Toilet Seat", a phrase with its own tongue-in-cheek imagery (although let's be frank: isn't it nice to sit on something that isn't a conductor of cold temperature every once in a while?), because the production values here don't disappoint. It's also one of the goofiest things I've seen in a while, and it put a smile on my face. It is a comic send-up of everyone's battle against an addiction, dependency, or vice. It can drive one crazy, which is why buddy system-based twelve-step programs remain popular even today. Though I could advise "progress, not perfection" to our feisty little heroine, it would appear that Esther has truly gone off the deep end.

All I can say is I'm glad to have switched to decaf years ago and stayed there. "Fuzzy Toilet Seat" is a worthy front page entry, though the voice-overs should not be so muffled. That will improve in future installments. I hope.

[Some Words From Santorum]

Well, this is slanted. It elucidates some of the reason why I will register to vote but not go to the polls. Fortunately, we won't have to worry about any one of these crazies taking office (first time or once again) because the world will end on December the Twenty-First. Thank God, He thought of everything.

Well, this is a pretty stolid and one-dimensional send-up of candidate Santorum and his exaggerated brand of bible-thumping.

Like I said, this is slanted. Beyond belief. It expresses one point of view and exudes its own sort of bigotry by branding his staunch religious-inspired conservatism as a barometer with which to judge everybody else. What the hell?

It's also a chatty cartoon with a minimum of effects, yet the file size is a bit larger than a previous submission, "Barney Commercial #9". Meebs should take some hints on adjusting audio bit rates to different levels or optimizing the imagery. Also, the writing is stolid, stereotypical, and stupid. It paints Santorum as a complete monster thanks to confirmation bias (looking for only the things that justify your position while dismissing or discrediting anything that opposes it), girded towards a series of poor-in-taste jokes.

The results is that this falls short of expectations. Consult the "George Bush Show" or "The Kerry Kampaign", the latter by Jeremy Lokken. So "Some Words From Santorum" sucks, but there are cartoons to draw inspiration from on Newgrounds. Another shot, this time exposing an actual hypocrisy as an actual political cartoon, rather than nagging at the subject's viewpoint, makes for a far more entertaining presentation any day of the week. The production is lukewarm but can be improved, now all we need is something worth picking on. Any takers?

[Barney Commercial #9 - Celibacy]

Well, it's intellectual and moody, but I guess it works. "Barney Commercial #9" is another "Fartoon" that pokes fun at public service announcements and toward promoting self-control in regards to sexual behavior. In other words, it's all been done before and it's not that great a thing to behold.

Barney gives a frank and explicit promotion of celibacy that attempts to poke holes in its application just like Sarah Silverman's mockery of racist or sexist inclinations, promotion via irony. That's Barney the Dinosaur. The disclaimer is too long and big to read in the time given, so most people will miss the part where, if they do get offended, they will be hated on back. Taking offense and hating are different things, though one can lead to another.

Anyway, this is a simple cartoon, simple beyond belief. This is Foamy Rant simplicity, so the script should reflect the same level of wit and tenacity given the low visual gags. The ones that do show up are almost non-sequitur and almost expected. And not very funny as a result.

What this turns out to be is nothing more than a Barney impersonation that discusses anatomy and bodily functions completely off-topic to the real reasons one would practice celibacy. Barney is describing involuntary celibacy, a painful self-imposed reluctance to step into a game that obviously has enough pratfalls as it is. The trick here is that you cannot be offended by any of this--it's all been said before. Everything in Ryan Wells's "Fartoon" about celibacy has been done before in some other capacity and is, as a result, unoriginal at best and, at worst, uninspired.

The good news is that there is a bit of professionalism in the voice-over production and planning. It's short and to the point, with tiny file size in these 10+ times, which affords Ryan some respect. Yet, this stuff is a little on the vapid side. It's not quite what you hope for in a Barney spoof, but it's not an unpolished production. Two of Five stars.

[HTBSR ep 8]

Here's a shocker. When did this series come out? I'll have to check.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the good old romantics in us can appreciate this cartoon. It's hard to find a well-acted cartoon on this site that ends on a painful note and comes close to shattering your heart. I don't know why you'd seek one out, but it's like a diamond in the rough around here. Now, this one may be termed Comedy-Original, but only half of that is true. It's more like Bittersweet-Original, or "DRAMEDY" Original. I prefer the former.

"How to be a Southern Roman" is a series that has gone for eight episodes. Who knew? This one deals with an encounter with Michelle's folks, who tempt her with a family cruise but the Roman senses something bad out of this.

You'd expect there to be a rebound or a upswing to events after they unfold, but leaving them as is is even better for two reasons. One, you can't expect a Hollywood ending at every turn, and two, troubles with parents aren't compatible with Hollywood treatments in the first place. This cartoon reminds us that this kind of emotional upheaval does not wash away so easily.

It's well-voiced and acted and it is well-scripted. It's also clean as a whistle so that counts for something amidst most of the sheer tastelessness that comes through Newgrounds. One thing I must add is that there is a certain level of psychological realism in the relationships depicted. This is what we need to see more of in Newgrounds' fare, and that includes the Noir and Serious sections. It's just too bad the cartoon ends so quickly.

Ryardo12345 ought to continue this series from this episode's showing alone. If you haven't seen the rest of it, why not view the other episodes? They might just put a smile on your face.

[TELLIETUHBEEZ]

Wow! This one destroyed everyone's childhood.

Okay, so this is a parody of Teletubbies. You can figure out the rest.

Sound quality is crackling and bad, from a miserable microphone and register. The acting and effects are there, but processed bad. It's all timed good and quick-paced. The cartooning is there, too. And the size of the file won't kill you either. Let's be modest here: we haven't had a good Teletubbies spoof in a while, and the laughs from this one is consistent with Newgrounds fare.

"TELLIETUHBEEZ" and SpeedoSausage are worth checking out, but watch out--this thing is pretty up there in terms of lewdness. Highly recommended for anyone with a deranged sense of humor or who wants to have a deranged sense of humor.

Speedo responds:

Fanks a bunch :D Yeah, the shitty microphone just lets this whole thing down. Ah well, future toons (and hopefully I'll mean it this time) will have proper, good-quality audio.

[bowlin.]

As a reply to someone who actually read a review, I decided to check this little thing out. It's nothing groundbreaking or special, very simple and just a basic lip-synching test. Still, it's a good start, and it's like an overlooked gem.

It's what you expect from live pins and bowling ball, but it gets melodramatic for no reason, going from party atmosphere to war ensemble in under two minutes.

I's a wire test, an attempt at traditional lip-synchronization that misses a couple syllables here and there, but nothing too drastic. It's an admirable first effort, but it's very rough and just a wire sketch. The sound production, however, is top-notch. It's just a shame that the F-Bomb had to be dropped that many times. Voice-Overs are otherwise crystal clear and well-acted.

In other words, Davohsaurus should definitely spend more time working on Flash if his "dick-around" efforts are as good as this. I look forward to seeing more of his stuff in the future. And hey, this did put a smile on my face.

[Minecraft Fail]

Gonzossm has this ridiculous notion that anything is better after a rape scene. In that sense, he's a genuine Alan Moore. Seriously. Look him up. For three--that's three--different graphic novels that he has written (V for Vendetta, Watchmen, & The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen), each and every one of them has a rape or attempted rape sequence. Some sort of abuse on someone else via sexual means. In those cases, it is strictly for dramatic effect, although it can get hackneyed after awhile. In the case of Gonzossm's "Minecraft FAIL" (a parody, "because it hasn't been done before."), it is used for comedic effect. And without a great deal of substance and a whole lot of stereotyping.

So let's get the plot down: this obviously disturbed guy decides to waste our time building a house and protecting it from creatures that may destroy it. In this case, he gets proactive on a creeper's prostate. Disgraced and shamed, the Creeper returns and blows him and his house sky-high in the ultimate vengeful act.

Gonzo enjoys pushing boundaries and here, he sugarcoats the breached barriers with impressive cartooning and parody. Big deal. All that is for naught when it just happens to mask what is obviously a cheap shot at performing a rape scene. I suppose the greater intention is to deter others from making stupid Minecraft parodies. I doubt that will work. We can equate Gonzo with Shadman, whose emphasis on shock value and perversion, pervasive and unrelenting, will always spring up a debate about the ethics behind depicting a rape sequence. Perhaps this is why it is a Mature Rating and not Adult: Gonzo did not actually have us see the dick or any penetration--it's all implied through the reactions of the characters.

Another thing that Gonzo does--something that is part of the whole rape sequence and not in our conscious mind when he does it--is promote sympathy in the audience for the Creeper, among the most vilified characters in Minecraft for exactly the reason stated in the Flash: blowing up your houses. This results in a lot of hate on the creeper, to the point where people have forgotten its purpose as a device that necessitates maintenance and reserving materials in case of emergencies. Most parodies stereotype the Creeper as a pervasive destroyer without a conscience. Gonzo channeled that hatred into the unstable host and player, having him break horrible boundaries, as a means of showing us some of the things we do in this sandbox game can be unethical, unconscionable, and downright hypocritical, all in the name of securing, exploiting, and hoarding natural resources. It is, in fact, very much a satire of the game in addition to the many parodies it has generated.

Rice Pirate has, ONCE AGAIN, contributed all voice-overs for a front page production. I tell you, he's all over the place. There's no sign of him stopping either. This would not be the same without him. Pavelzuk's scoring, melodramatic and heartfelt, should prompt queries about his music. Of course, who can mistake Gonzossm's shiny wet work with the characters, from their exaggerated musculature to their priceless expressions? While everything shows signs of an incredible production, it's still freakish just to watch, gratifying at the end, and yet, not the best thing to have come from him.

"Minecraft Fail", another of Gonzossm's Fail series of parodies, is one of the really Shadman-esque parodies of Minecraft, in the lunatic fringe, but it's not the very best one in the collection. It's just one that goes another angle, crossing lines just to hold up a mirror to all the players. It's frightening, to say the least.