Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Asaroki 02- Encouter]

Far From Perfect

Since I didn't mention much about the initial episode's introduction to the game, I realized that it was inconceivably crucial... far more crucial than this section.

The thing I hated the most is that I missed the misspell of "Encounter". It's not as lackluster an art style that you might think, as it is colorful and classic Anime... very distracting for the eye. Proportions are still an issue, but put it aside--this took a year to finish, top to bottom, and episodes are being released now. The crude tweening and ill proportions are the only things marring up the art direction.

Another thing that got me is both lengthy news report, a "Lecture" that conveys information to an audience in a very dry fashion. In writers' workshops, they use that term because it distracts you from the action. It's also inconceivable that a series of isolated murders, connected or not, could cause a massive panic. It wouldn't be branded an act of terrorism either. It has to be a large series of murders before people start to worry, and despite the work put into the television sequence, it didn't fully explain the severity of the conflict. Thus, it failed in two ways: it spat out facts, and those facts weren't even the correct ones to get Raine out of her comfort zone.

In that sense, Rose better not be a throwaway character. She appears to be the antithesis to Raine in temperament and occupation. This could explain their friendship, but their differing approaches to problems might cause things to go sour, even shatter the friendship. Authors cannot, under any circumstances, leave alone any situation that could be exploited into generating a plot-advancing conflict.

Dialog is generally strained, either overacted or off the mark completely, possibly both. Phone calls are horrendous. If you ever played the U.S. port of Grandia (PlayStation), you'll know that the US localization was critically acclaimed--par excellance, actually--especially the in-game text. However, their voice-over performers utterly destroyed their lines... the vocal clips, of all things! You can't even call it talking, let alone acting! Granted, Grandia is a top-notch role-play adventure, worth its price in blood diamonds (if that's what it takes to secure a copy), but plenty of fans and magazines gave the game flak over that issue.

Asaroki's voice-over work immediately reminded me of Grandia's Curse. Now, should Laura continue to animate and perform voice-overs, then a few suggestions include writing a script through a series of prompts that suggest what conversations do and where they go... then hit record with Audacity in full swing to see where thespians take them. Or, simplify the process and write them only after talking to oneself while Audacity is recording.

Actually, talking to yourself is one of the most indispensable tools of any writer or thespian. Related tricks inlcude regularly performing stereotypical impersonations of stock character voices, testing your range, reading everything aloud (not just quotes) and, if you're totally stuck, seeking advice or networking with Rina-Chan (aka Kira Buckland), EgoRaptor, and Tomamoto, to name a few. Last I heard--don't quote me on it, it's been awhile--Rina-Chan operates a Voice Acting Club.

Last but not least, learn to listen! Listening to dialog, colloquialisms between people, dialects, and altering one's own voice, are all powerful tools to clear up any amateurish voice-over production.

The second episode of Asaroki doesn't generate nearly as much tension as the prior episode, but it is still eerie, and maybe a little girlie. I recommend they make a series entry for this one, and also recommend it to the Serious and Anime Collections... even if it is far from perfect.

[Asaroki 01- The Outsider]

Intro to a Promising Series

There's a dichotomy that occurs in Newgrounds between male and female authors: guys center upon Western conventions and retro, while ladies prefer Eastern, Anime-friendly fare. While Laura Kerger's shot for the gold does not break any molds, her first episode of Asaroki is a great effort for someone so young.

It's far from flawless though. Even she admits to issues related to sound and very, very basic sound editing. In addition to being soft, the background hissing is a major drain and the canned music doesn't rouse enough emotion or spike at the right moments to generate the right amount of tension.

Another flaw circulates around realistic body proportions. The legs always mess people up; even while standing straight, the legs are not in equal proportion to the body, head included. Hands clutch the thighs at the mid-point of the femur. Having to draw and animate limbs through rudimentary motion tweening is half the battle. The other half is won by taking care with anatomy and figure drawing. It pays off in spades.

The hardest flaw of the Asaroki short films revolves around lackluster casting. Harsh it is to admit, but over nine months passed between initial releases and the recent ones... couldn't they do a full re-hash of the soundtrack? Greater diversity of voice-overs, IN ADDITION TO A FEW WHO SOUNDED LIKE THEY ARE OVER THIRTY (where appropriate) would have been worthwhile. Also, a corrupted sound file in this episode in particular, is inexcusable.

Still, what Asaroki has in flaws, it makes up for in strengths. It's a classic horror with romantic dark fantasy elements, bordering on the erotic. Asaroki resembles big features like Twilight or Anne Rice's Interview With the Vampire.

Also, contrary to most masculine-driven NG fare, Asaroki appeals to ladies but may include men in the audience, rather than the opposite occurring. This congeals through our protagonist Raine (revealed in Episode II), who must confront the complexities of her newfound friend while preserving her current relationships, the ones that, since her parents' deaths, are all she has left, artistry aside.

Still, Asaroki is bloody and even freakish, so your jerk boyfriend might like watching Katie squirm.

Women generally solidify their self-worth based upon their connections and relationships. Instead of questing to kill a monster like in most horror movies (done by the guys, no less), this horror contemplates the notion that someone you love is actually a monster, and your level of intimacy may blind you from the truth and, concurrently, bind you from taking appropriate action.

Men generally solidify their self-worth through personal achievements; in a multi-player game, they're more concerned with their own kill count rather than helping their combat buddies survive. It's harder to market horror movies to women if they're written by guys-only screenwriting teams. They often become "Laser Movies", thinly veiled slugfests with explosions, gadgets and occasional boobs (both women and comedic relief).

Take Predator... an utterly masculine example of horror/sci-fi filmmaking. The only thing I got from that was my Draenei Paladin/Engineer, Harkle's line: "GET TO THE CHOPPA!"

The rest I don't remember.

Laser Movie plots often take the backseat next to "Simplicity" or (on bad hair days) "Dumbing-Down", like a port of a late '80s Konami NES game.

If the audience doesn't BOND to that which they're meant to despise and wish dead, then it's just empty killing that's best left to tongue-in-cheek gore-fests like Madness or Celebrity Killing. I equate such fare to the romantic depth of a hardcore porno (acting included). Ladies intimately know the cruelties and horrors of someone they know intimately.

That's why Asaroki works.

Ignore the felons who insist upon a tablet. If it's mouse-drawn then it's pretty top-notch for mouse-drawn fare. The Anime style is consistent and detailed, with fluid lip-synching and animation.

I don't dole out the term "Promising" to every schlub out there--I insist upon these episodes being remade.

[The Pretenders]

A Pleasant Surprise

There were people who got miffed into thinking this is a serious production, but this is exactly how my brothers and I used to play around in the house, if we weren't playing (and endlessly analyzing) video games.

With the exception of jumping around for the advent of delicious grub (we devoured most everything and didn't care as long as it wasn't poisoned), it was dead-on in its portrayal of young kids who take on different roles. To have grown idiots perform the leads makes it funnier, although you could have had someone who knew how to play a father/elder sibling figure for the third character. That was the weakest link, and instead of poor production value, it was a sour actor.

I don't get why ads had to be placed onto the final product, but so be it.

This was actually pretty fun, and it surprised me. I almost overlooked it (mostly due to a few sour reviews before me), but I'm glad to have viewed it. Maybe if I peruse my old entries and reviews, I'll remember the other locale and view it there as well for the best effect.

Fro responds:

Wow, thanks a lot.

I do agree about the father figure, but we had to work with what we had. So instead we used the angry brother.

As for the ads, they are put there because.. we make money from them lol. Why wouldn't you want ads put on a submission?

I'm happy that you enjoyed it and thank you for the well thought out review.

[Trapped in an Escape Game]

Brilliance

Even if it's not for profit, Afro Ninja can market a game through a nifty preview. This is also a fantastic satire about escape-themed point-and-click graphic adventures, with or without the preview.

There were a few idiosyncrasies and even mild foul-ups when mixing the sounds, etc., but since very few designers around here have film experience, "Trapped in an Escape Game" actually set a new standard, the meter-stick with which its successors are judged. I can't think of a better compliment than that.

[Three Wishes]

Feel Like Ceasar

Nice.

Nice.

Not THRILLING...!

But nice.

[Brawl Funnies [dick 3]]

Political Satire is Not a Bucket of Fish

I don't get how, on one hand, people blow their talent on lampooning a popular intellectual property, and the other, others will lampoon those who do the lampooning. It's just bitter, a complete waste of time. There are better ways to address the issue, isn't there?

As for the cartoon, it set out what it wanted to do. It's on the Front Page, meaning someone figured it'd be fun to present something that doesn't amuse everyone. That same person might wonder about the same issue, but the flash is such a joke unto itself that maybe it is a waste of time after well....

There is a written diatribe in the author's comments that doubles as a disclaimer--a statement that covers someone's sorry butt. Such a tactic spells "incoherent" in a critic's eye, since it goes out of its way--all thirteen paragraphs worth--to describe why the cartoon is bad in the first place. If you read the comments, why then must you suffer such a banal cartoon?

The cartoon resembles the shallow intricacies of a political cartoon. The sad thing about political cartoons is that they are fleeting since the currency of the context--the subject matter--fades over time. South Park is a topical cartoon by design as well--Parker and Stone can improvise a new episode in a week's time--but those guys are professionals. They keep at their jabs on a routine basis. This one, in contrast, is nothing but a monochrome, rough-and-tumble lark that lacks artistic merit. In other words, it's done so quickly to make its statement that it put a foot into its mouth in the execution.

Essentially, better effort next time... if given enough time! There are other ways to compete with nerd culture spoofs: create a cartoon or a series... something so enthralling and magnetic enough to make fans create spoofs of it. A political cartoonist should be able to pull that off without a hitch... right?

dreftclub responds:

A few months ago ashford pride made a movie with a foreboding title. It was called "Awesome Grounds".

Well ladies and gentlemen, that's might as well what this site should be called (at least right now), with the top row on the front page slot dedicated to an "awesome" movie and an "awesome" parody, an "awesome" t-shirt in the newgrounds store, and pretty much every "awesome" movie in the top 100, along with han's "awesome's creed".

I can't go to newgrounds with seeing something not about egoraptor or his coveted video game parody series. It makes me wonder sometimes if pursuing anything but half-assed cartoons making mildly funny observations about video games laced with profanity is even worth it. Truly, they are what bring the masses of 13-year olds to this site, and thus increases traffic and competition in the internet world. But you have to ask yourself, with this sort of two-bit audience increasing in numbers, are they really interested in watching anything else?

I understand that it's a dog eat dog world in the online entertainment business, and to compete you have to pretty much put up content that a majority of internet browsers would click on. This includes either women or video games. Things they already know they want. And that's all they want. They sign up, watch more, and come back and do it again later. They're trained to know that what they want is easily accessible and is promoted all over the site.

Original content is often shuffled off to the bottom of the page, or never gets any attention to begin with. Now comes into play the whole 'they won't click on it unless there's a boob for the icon', etc etc. That's because they've been fashioned to think that way.

I'm not saying i have all the mysterious answers to the way people's minds work. But this much is true - if all people click on are breasts and video game icons, and you give them breasts and video game icons, you're not pushing the envelope.

Newgrounds is the epitome of user-generated content. We already have a massive advantage over youtube in the fact that making a cartoon involves so much more creativity than snappily editing your webcam footage. So instead of 200 cartoons coming out every minute, we have 200 cartoons coming out every day. That gives someone a better chance of breaking out and being discovered for his hard work, and a reward for a job well done.

But in the same way that viewers are trained that they don't have to go out of their way to avoid original content they would otherwise enjoy, authors are becoming more and more disenchanted with their personal creations and are turning to nerd culture icons and cheap tactics to get viewers.

I can't tell you how many animators I have spoken to that have shunned their own creations in favor of sub-pop culture parody and disjointed scripts sprinkled with toilet humor and profanity. a cartoon catering to everyone who's forgotten what cartoons are all about. And here we are shoving away everything about cartoons that was originally appealing and magical, because we're pretty much forced to.

I'm not pointing the finger at any one person here. I think it's part of the bigger picture - bigger than Newgrounds, too. But if people really care about the future of cartoons and animation, we wouldn't be seeing this kind of blatant favoritism.

People will find what they want if they want it. They don't need to be spoon fed it all.

For thirty years animators who strive to create something genuinely unique have gotten nothing but a slap in the face. It's sickening and it has to stop someday, before they all disappear.

Lastly, this post is not about me. I'm not writing this out of self-pity, bitterness or spite. I'm being honest. I care a lot about the future of animation, and what I see around me is very troubling. The industry is bad enough, but where the future lies is in the small corners of the animation world. Newgrounds is one of them. I spend a lot of time trying to encourage and teach frame-by-frame animation, and creating your own characters and scripts. That is what is important

[One More Brawl Taunts]

Never Better the Third EXACT Time!

If anybody can make me smile just a little bit right about now, they will have served us all a good deed. I hate to consider what I'd be if I kept at not smiling for a few more days.

The reviews are skewed at a healthy C average across 450 reviews by this point, largely deserved due to the skewed quality. While it is deliberately poor in quality and taste, that doesn't make the authors immune from the eventual sharp eyes (and tongues) of their contemporaries.

I suppose the only good thing is how this is the last one in the official series of Brawl Taunts. I don't see how many more times we're going to see so many homoerotic references without laughing at them. Besides, there are far better things to blow our talents upon.

Unless they can devise a different approach to the material in question, I'm afraid that I'll comply with Patroclous on this one... except for calling it "gay". Gay, in denotative nomenclature, stands for "happy". This Flash wasn't as happy or silly as its previous incarnations. The only good part was its intro, a nod to the prior two but an in-joke that only the die-hard fans will appreciate.

The one thing I do hope for is that Rina-Chan can try other projects out. She used to be one of the only consistent female voice-overs this site ever had, someone shooting for a legitimate professional goal. Since she hasn't actually waned in her delivery (something she takes great pride on), it would be prudent for Rina-Chan to vie for bigger projects... something far more polished.

Perhaps it is irony that I threw a "5" their way, considering all my complaints. Maybe I consider the review scores and batting average separate entities. On the other hand, collaborations are difficult and time-consuming to make. No matter how bawdy, this one is no exception. They have proven capable of collaborating well... now all we need is better material.

[Penguinz Intro]

Pretty Cool

Now this should have been left in the full version of the game. Since the game feels unfinished as it is now, why not include this sequence in the second version (or sequel)?

Jimp responds:

Nah the next game has a back story already planned out. Its gonna be a lot more complete, i think people are gonna love it.

[LEFT4LOL]

Somewhat Better Than Left4Speed

This piece is hot, hotter than the first spoof, Left4Speed due to a number of reasons:

#1. Not as Random
Whereas Left4Speed contained a lot of random absurdity and blatant in-jokes, indecipherable to the common masses and perhaps even to players, this spoof contains better set-ups, it's better planned overall, and it isn't utterly random. Random can be cool, but this one's satire is deliberate and efficient, thereby making it far more effective.

#2: Not as Offensive (relatively speaking!)
Left4Speed had a problem with looking potentially racist, even as its intentions remained pure (and I understand that). Here, the blood, guts, and urine are pretty much the culmination, or climax, in the satire, and thank God it's not in the mid-point where it only proves that the writer started getting desperate. Post-Script: the goofy misinterpretation of the zombie infestation in Act I was priceless and, to a lesser extent, topical (at least for a U.S. citizen who hears about issues regarding unprotected borders).

#3: Set-Ups Far More Effective
Instead of relying totally on stupidity and profanity, this satire targets the foibles of the game itself. Some of the best satire on video games has to target the inconsistencies of a game, from their often deliberate departure from realism to the murderous stereotypes that arise from any genre fiction (most video games can be categorized like genre fiction such as murder-mysteries, romance, and horror, although all video games contain some element of action-adventure to them). Also, the satire is divided according to the specific injustices incurred, and they are written out so that laymen like myself can properly identify with them. That's important; given time and memory constraints in Flash and the site from which this cartoon is broadcast, it's important to remember that a brief setup might be required so the rest of us--who haven't played the game yet--can actually "get" the joke. Left4Speed's only advantage is its randomness, which is only a joke unto itself.

#4: Smaller, Similar Run Time, Improved Audio & Better Voice-Overs
What this means is that the whole production--about one month--ran smoothly and had fewer technical issues. It's two-thirds the size of Left4Speed, runs somewhat longer, has more jokes (coherent ones), the sounds run clear and the voice talent properly enunciates their lines. Also, the mixing (e.g. loudness between music and sound effects) is far better.

Even if done in a month's time with reused images (a necessity--not failing--in Flash productions of this kind), this one stands out as a smoother representation of how a Flash cartoon should be done here at Newgrounds.

Overall: a 10

[Tidbits]

I laughed... hard... so you get a FIVE, buddy!

Clipping bits of sound and animation together into a random pile of absurdity actually worked out better than you might think. The fact that you at least drew stuff fairly well and made an utter fool of yourself would seem to express just how capable you are in making people laugh... which is the point. Anybody who doesn't laugh or at least chuckle to this obviously has no sense of humor, period, and isn't worth you replying in case they send a bitter review.

Now get out there and make a more cohesive flash (I bet you're more than capable of doing it, if only to ring the necks of any detractors that emerge from watching this spiffy blurb).