Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[The Butterfly]

Face it man, that sucks balls.

Give me a break. What is this, a French film of some kind? Everything went downhill once the flick took a tide for the clown gothic (thanks to the poor choice in music). Beginning and ending everything in a pseudo-poetic fashion does not gild the fact that this has no substance. The only redeeming qualities are somewhat decent production with polygons, and the fact that it's SHORT.

[Momma's got her boobs out]

Who comes up with this?

Again, we find someone completely going off the deep end in terms of good taste and any sense of propriety. And it still guarantees some chuckles in the end.

[Fallen Angel: Teaser]

Technically Equisite

This is the Flash Tom Fulp waives his 5 MB limit on. If entertainment looks that good, he'll break his law for us to see it, too.

I must be honest, however: don't let the front page get to your head. From the look of things now, this isn't where I sink a Saturday afternoon viewing, especially since the graphic depictions of violence are grotesque enough, but seem to have no real purpose. The Matrix-trained heroine doesn't seem real enough if her conflict, other than survival, doesn't enter my mind. A teaser without an explanation is worse than no teaser at all. So, I have mixed sentiments about where all this exceptional effort is being poured into.

And the effort truly is exceptional, and has an excellent chance at surviving. It looks sleek with production values involved, and sends chills up my spine. The heroine reminds me of Aya Brea (albeit a little more nimble), and her foes resemble the Golems from Parasite Eve II. I'd like to know whether or not this flash had been inspired by that game or is only coincidence.

Anyway, keep up the good work. I expect no time to be wasted on a plotless slugfest that leave casual viewers scratching their heads. Remember: even with technical expertise, it is bettter to communicate with a work, rather than being merely clever.

[MGS: The Twin Noodles]

The Jesus crack cost you three points

Whoever thought up the last scene's line is a prick who's intestines should be carved out with a wooden cooking spoon. But anyway, everything else is just random craziness, which helps the humor along but not an outsider's understanding of why it's funny to gamers. Even with limited appeal, fans will enjoy this.

El Cid still tops the pack in terms of outright humor, but since you haven't submitted before and have done so with admirable quality, stick to Newgrounds for a while and entertain the masses for a bit. If a request can be made, rip apart any number of role-playing games in the same way: by not concentrating on any central plot, but spoofing all the major scenes.

smiffy-uk responds:

You shouldn't take humour like that so offensivly. Jesus has a sense of humour. =O

Thanks for the review. =)

[YAAFM 9: Michael Moore]

Finally...

After all the time I suspected my sole retainment of conservatism as unique to the internet, someone comes along and rips Michael Moore apart. And I get the feeling The Walrus could be more than reasonable politically, as opposed to leanding on either extreme. Yet, he mocked Bush's verbal ineptitude, while Moore's hypocrisy is attacked.

And never before has Reginold invited anyone to hell through the auspices of the Prince of Darkness himself, which suits Mr. Moore just fine. Nobody else has been "skunked" as a "Fucking Moron" as bad as this guy, and I can help but enjoy it. Thank you, Walrus, you made my night!

[Prowlies at the River]

Utter Brilliance

I've written reviews of your work (all positive, I might add) and insisted you undertake projects of grand scale. This flash responded to such advice, and Tom Fulp stated it raises the bar of quality possible in Flash. He's right.

In spite of a gross-out sense of humor in your work, you could write and illustrate children's books as one reviewer stated. Besides, if your skills are not for profit as well as love, you're missing out, because this one obviously took lots of storyboarding and such.

Frankly, the best aspect isn't just the craziness but the technical option of quality adjustment. Finally, a flash goes to an easier mode at the exact moment something may bog down, allowing a seamless flow of action without compromising the sense of timing required in a cartoon. Such intrepid action scription will eventually become a trend, ensuring your position at the cutting edge of this field. Excellent work overall.

[Minushi - Chapter 2]

Looks Interesting

Although I rarely check out a series-to-be, this one shows some promise. For one, the violence is significantly lower than most Flashes, and the protagonists learn to survive mostly upon wit than their might. On those credits alone, I would recommend this to anyone.

However, I noticed the number of chapters (FLASHES?) in store and I realize just how improbable this will ever be completed. Many flash artists tend to become disorganized, disinterested, or disenfranchised over their own creative efforts (e.g., the man behind the Retarded Animal Babies series nearly called it quits at one point from time constraints hampering his progress). It remains rare for flash artists to stay dedicated, so it is in your best interest to reserve one or two hours a day to this project, regardless of how you may feel. Consistency is key.

But since you're planning this out to be 19 Chapters in advance, that signifies a decent level of production before submitting (a wise decision that allows editing and concentrating), so the viewers shouldn't have to worry. Good luck, and be aware of how disappointing when something as good as this could go unfinished and remain in the portal for five years like a bad penny...

[Mr. Happy Face]

This is Definitely Forced

Everything about this whole Flash, from beginning to end, appears to be a very disgusting concept that is executed poorly. It is bad enough when a disgusting concept (like a thunderstorm turning a happy face to life and killing the target audience) is performed well, but poorly?

This Mr. Happy Face came out a about five days ago (view the profile) and has this gross Cartoon that makes Front Page (almost overlooked?) without any redeeming qualities whatsoever, and he expects viewers to be entertained by his drivel. Therefore, I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt and will blam him forthwith (unless he straightens out).

[Final Fantasy - Real Sh*t]

Another Funny Spoof

And I always knew Seifer's name was pronounced like that! Anyway, there are a few technical issues dealing with sequencing with the bloopers and such, and you may want to redo the whole voice-acting bit (especially with Quistis; there are plenty of lady fans out there you could ask). Otherwise, this whole take on FFVIII is disturbingly funny. It won't cut back on the language, and it makes you think twice about the personal lives of the characters of that epic. I seriously endorse a second episode with this one.

Koivo responds:

Yeah sequencing was a big problem but I has been practicing and have fixed that problem and may add an edited version with better sound. As for voice actors the best thing about making movies about characters who dont speak is that you can make them sound however you want :). But I do have someone to help out with female characters in upcoming episodes. The problem with the next episode wont be the sound, it'll be improving the animation. Thanks for watching and reviewing.

[C.H.A.D.]

Nothing Insanely Prevalent

There are ways to enhance the efficiency of your hard drive in case it bogs down. De-Frag, for instance, reorganizes the raw data in a disk to enhance the speed of data retrieval and exchange. Disk Clean-up and other applications fix things in a similar fashion, but you do it regularly. This is called "general maintenance" of your computer, and if this stick figure caught on instead of reading porno magazines, maybe he wouldn't have pulled out that assault rifle...

Still, this is okay as an animation. I don't like sticks, but this is a rare occasion where its inherent violence doesn't go overboard and look like the others that I hate. Perhaps you should evolve your artistic talents into Flash beyond sticks and kick ass with your ideas?