Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Orgasmic Symphony]

Sick. Evil. Twisted. Funny!

I heard that song from Fantasia! Now it's a "Based on a True Story" Melodrama on Fox about the painful reality of masturbation. Seriously, man, that could have been based on a thousand and one true stories (I guess that's the point, though).

While we're on that subject: I've heard that 90% of men masturbate in the shower, while the other ten percent sing.

Say, guys! You know any good songs to sing in the shower?

No? ....I didn't think so...

And by the way, I don't know any idiot who will ejaculate, accidentally or otherwise, on the picture they're using as a visual aid. If you want to reuse the image, squirt it elsewhere.

A nice, quick joke that should instantly land in the Adult section of the site (we don't need nude women prancing about to make a joke suitable for that section, you know... you just proved that, as if you really had to).

[Shyguy's Flower]

Simply ADORABLE!

This flash is fabulous for a first try! The few problems I found were the music abruptly cutting off in the end (try downloading--for free--the Audacity recording program, and tinker with it a little bit), and the plot could have been presented better. This looks like an experiment, but one with very positive results.

If you liked the absurdity of 8-Bitch 5 and the Final Fantasy tribute by Legendary Frog, try expanding your horizons. Watch flashes made by the author of "Bitey of Brackenwood" and "Prowlies by the River." They will look intimidating for their technical grandeur, but your style, like his, could be seen in a children's story book. That's a lucrative business and your style can immediately capture a young audience. This flash's artwork resembles watercolor paintings. I've never seen that in another flash, so you've already been established as unique.

Great job. Improve the plot for next time, work on the sound, think about adding a narrator or voices, and, in any case, don't become a stranger to the site. You show plenty of promise!

[Barge of a 1000 Bullets 2]

You Like Planet of the Apes...

Admit it: you're into Planet of the Apes. And while the alternate ending is cool, it wouldn't fit. The serious ending is a welcome change of pace in the Video Game Parody/Tribute genre, and reminded me of the Legend of Zelda: Heroic Rage flash series.

To capture Mario's emotions accurately required Jeremy's original artwork combined with sprites. It won't always look right, but the approach is worth the audience's time. Also missing from the first flash are white flashes for gunshots, and that's an improvement.

This is the first serious flash by Mr. Lokken (to my knowledge at least), and a splendor to behold. Humor exists, but seeing Mario triumphantly return to, yes, being a plumber in Brooklyn, was something that no other Mario flash has ever done. In effect, Mr. Lokken has an innovative edge, rather than being merely clever.

Excellent job, Mr. Lokken, and never be a stranger to this site!

[Doofie]

Simplicity, Absurdity, Flat-Out Cruel

Way to comically kill a guy, and in a tight little package, too!

#1: Variation of the classic cliff gag.
#2: Why don't mine carts ever have brakes on them in cartoons?
#3: Don't fool with aliens. Better still, don't fool with yourself!
#4: Ladies pole dancing is one thing, but a guy shaking it?
#5: This'll teach a man not to piss anywhere he damn well pleases.
#6: Another evil pole trick. We don't encourage that behavior.
#7: That's why I won't be a lumberjack when I grow up!
#8: Yo, dude! Want to play a good old game of Duck Hunt? (And I came home after playing Time Crisis at the arcade...)
#9: The good thing in this short is a swimsuit calendar. If he only had some duct tape to wrap around his head, just to be sure...
#10: And now, the GRAND FINALE! Something we didn't expect! Yay!

I enjoyed these dumb little shorts, and they came in ten packs (while buns come in eight). Thanks for making Newgrounds laugh to simple, silly, painful-looking humor and timing! Be sure to submit regularly, now!

[The Legend of Link Intro]

Should be in the WIP section, though...

Normally, these pieces should be reserved in a WIP section, as a preview (it isn't wise to make people anticipate anything).

You've established a good working relationship with a skilled actress in a fan-fic venture that, judging by the animation, probably won't involve lengthy or complex fights. This looks like it centers on a drama, perhaps something romantic, between Navi and Link. That's my guess, at least. The premiere will probably be much different.

Continue with this project. Hopefully the premiere will live up to what Navi was talking about.

midnightstealthxp responds:

ok, I'll tell you first that THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN NAVI AND LINK, lol. well, EP1 will have alot more action, but it will have some good drama and story telling too.

[Searching For Souls]

Nasty, nasty, nasty (but still very funny!)

I can't understand why people don't satirize the Prince of Darkness as much as Retarded Animal Babies, or this flash! I know potheads and pricks-in-general get a flogging. Nobody ever spoofs supernatural entities bent on sucking you into hell for an eternity.

Tomfoolery like crank calls is best paired with animation, especially when THE SOUND IS CRISP AND CLEAR. The Opie & Anthony skits don't come close, particularly in terms of art style or execution.

Just take a soundboard, record it as you repeatedly crank someone, and figure out some screwy animation to accompany the audio track. Homophobic tirades can be devised from the Full Metal Jacket Deluxe Soundboard, for example.

This flash ought to set a trend, and I'll be happy--5 out of 5.

[Magical Trevor2]

A quick, easy joke for the whole family

It's short, it loops, it's funny, and we can sing along (give us a lyric sheet!), it's MAGICAL TREVOR! Okay, while we're discussing the Ragu in Aisle 2, I have a joke for you, too!

Two lovely statues, a man and woman, bordering a fountain in a secluded garden, are magically animated into human form by an angel, who descends upon the enchanting summer scene. They turn to the angel, and she speaks.

"God has granted you a chance to fulfill your desires after centuries of being in this garden together!" The two statues are ecstatic. "Just be quick," quipped the angel. "You only have about fifteen minutes!"

So the giddy statues fly into the bushes, there's interesting noises and all, and they return eight minutes later, looking radiantly happy. The angel smiles, but checking her watch, asks, "Excuse me, but you have seven minutes... go for two?"

"Great idea!" The lady statue said. She turns to her mate and says, "This time, you hold the pigeon, while I get to shit on it!"

[The Media]

Solid concept, bad animation, technical laziness

The Parker-Stone dudes detail issues without technical glitter to interfere, using Paper Cut animation or marionette shows. To emulate that, Afro Ninja and FerociousSpec, inspired by a Simpsons gag (cheers--and jeers--to anyone who remembers the episode and its context) about yellow journalism, create a flash composed, sadly, of uninspired scripting and poor that drag solid voices and concepts down. It's a poorly executed joke, you see.

Though gritty by necessity, that's no excuse for sloppy editing. The gap between two people conversing is between one-half to three seconds, which causes "Dead Air," drags cartoon length, slays the timing of jokes, and prevents the solid voices from resembling actual conversations. And it might be compression, but the sound is badly muffled. This isn't quite South Park grit--it's just plain sloppy.

The subject matter remains ever-poignant. Mass media's abuse of power can be traced to 19th century yellow journalism that sparked the Spanish-American war. They know how they shape popular opinion, but they still might abuse it. It's just a shame this flash couldn't have said it better than it did--3 out of 5.

[FF: Mixed in Balamb2(1/3)]

Excellent Visual Feast Plagued by Poor Timing...

FF: Mixed in Balamb II's stellar production of visuals and voice casting seems to lag with lengthy produciton times, a hackneyed script (with recycled gags), and lengthy visuals that cripple the Flash's attempts at humor.

The 5-7 team pays tribute to Tetsuya Nomura's style, the artist behind Final Fantasy VII, VIII, X, and X-2, with a paintbrush program and their wits. However, this took four months to create stunning visuals. Next time, employ a "Judo" philosophy into production: maximum yield through minimal effort (e.g., purchase an art program, logically divide the labor, et cetera).

And polish the script with total gratuity--one-liner after one-liner. Not a profanity flood. The timing and frequency, the essentials of comedy, were off. Long-winded cinematics, the production's crux, are somewhat to blame. And awesome voice talents struggled with an uninspired script that borrows too heavily from the original.

And regardless of drawbacks, this Flash is STILL worth the fan's time!

Toonimated responds:

Woah, it's nice to know someone who knows about Tetsuya Nomura!
Your comments are very detailed, helps out, yet, don't be so harsh on us! Thanks for your support and by the way, we shall buy a wacom tablet somewhat later, after finishing this, (2/3 and 3/3)
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