Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Square Beanz]

Edward Gorey...

I do not know who this Edward Gorey is, and if your flash is an attempt to emulate his style, then I can't judge the authenticity. What I can say is that it's really on the dark gray side of humanity, and this plotless meandering you do with this guy... is odd.

The intent of the piece lies elsewhere from entertaining a common audience. There is Noir to be seen on Newgrounds, but I don't think this qualifies as that. Square Beanz, in a very basic silent film setting, has the guy take off his pants with his shoes on and dance for joy over performing such a feat. Okay? That's just odd.

You made me smile, here, though I didn't laugh out loud (it probably wouldn't have been appropriate, anyway). There's someone on Newgrounds who believes that Flash animation can be considered a high-end art. Whether or not your intent was "art" doesn't matter--but fifty years will pass and this will be venerated in a museum or archive... rest assured.

[T E R R O R]

Flash as a Political Document?

What others think doesn't matter to the maker of this flash, and that attitude is deadly. Criticizing the American war against terror is one thing, but this flash does so... poorly. Any self-respecting orator of political rhetoric must understand the other side, provide alternatives and evidence, and at the very least show some respect for those who disagree.

This flash fails in all four counts, to a fatal degree. It churns up another tirade against Bush, his supporters, and how they suppress Iraqi freedom (while soldiers die in an attempt at creating a stable democracy there?). This Michael Moore mentality must stop, really. This flash is too one-sided to be believeable.

Both ends of the American political spectrum might not appeal to the newer American generations, but protesting how babies die by American hands in Iraq is how those soldiers will become troubled and hated veterans--that's understood on an historical level. Face it: people will support this war until they have better reasons not to--other than an unpopular president.

PandaStream responds:

A. Micheal Moore is a money making ass
B. Just because it's popular doesn't make it right.
C. I warned you.
D. I love it when idiots try to act smart.

[The Intern]

EXCELLENT!

Now, this is how a flash should be made: long, hilarious, and in minimal memory amounts! The Intern picked up power with each and every joke, eventually making me laugh constantly, and wouldn't END. I expected something shorter with that file size.

Being so talented, you're the first guy I'll ask from this site to collaborate with my brother. He's been diddling with Flash for months and hasn't acquired a consistent, disciplined work ethic (sad, he's a great artist). I won't press anything on you, but I would ask you if you're available, and you ought to take that as a compliment. You're among the elite already.

The techniques used to compress so much in under 1.5 MB would be appreciated if displayed in a summary on the Newgrounds' Bulletin Board System, to be perused by those trying to conceive big epics in little packages. Also noteworthy is sound, which might not be fully clear, but it sings through well-handled voice-overs.

Submit more Flash soon, and know that you're now in demand!

Thatanos12 responds:

Sure! any questions you have or anything, just write to me. But remember that I barely know Flash, and some of the stuff I did was mostly a trial and error thing.
hehehe, and Am I really on demand? that's a first for me :D

[dubliners: the movie]

Three Stars

"The chef's food is great... I give it three stars." Such are the words of a mild-mannered soldier of Guardia Castle, circa 600 AD (that being all from Chrono Trigger, if you didn't realize).

That effectively summarizes my response to this flash: a pleasant diversion, but nothing stellar, and it gave an uninitiated viewer no tangible insight about James Joyce or the classic mentioned.

However, if the quality continues to improve, then this "Literacy Television" would become a fantastic series. Voice acting is slightly inconsistent in quality (the anchor being the strongest link, however), but the slapstick tactics and defiance of the conventions of television advertising grant this flash an average score overall.

[Man Gets Broadband]

Rainbow Animations does it again!

The slow spiral of a man entering the world of broadband, downloading everything at exceptionally high speeds, never leaving his computer and degenerating into a negligent pet owner with poor hygiene, is the ultimate study on "How to be a complete ****ing greaseball." And yes, the ending was just plain gross.

I wondered momentarily where I last remembered the name Jeremy Lokken, but then I saw at the end, Rainbow Animations. The same outfit that provided graphic adventures of Star Trek: TNG and various television show parodies. If I haven't said it yet, let me say to you: keep up the excellent work. And be sure to offer another spoof on John Kerry if you're not terribly busy!

[TLoZ: Prequel of Time]

Link's a Hero Because He's a "Mama's Boy!"

Don't fret, fans. Many heroes in history were mama's boys. Gilgamesh, Sumerian Warrior King, often consulted his mother for advice. General Douglas MacArthur and his mother gave each other pet names (in fact, I believe he married only after his mother died). And who can forget the support Mary gave to Jesus? They're practically inseparable.

Link "digs" Saria because they're not related. She's a step mother he wouldn't mind being "wicked," then. Through her care, she and Link become "very close friends" in a way beyond lovers without having to go there. This Flash explains the emotional tension when Link first sets out, and how he draws out his latent heroism: his experiences with Saria the matriarch taught him to value and respect women, Zelda and Malon being obvious examples. Some think The Legend of Zelda is an emotionally driven tale because of this.

And of course: the Flash is flat-out awesome. Sorry to overanalyze your piece, but keep it up.

[0000000]

An Excellent First-Time Showing

The major problem stems from artwork and sound production. The music is okay and the style flourishes, but the lackluster detail and jerky animation make the project seem rushed. Forgivable, but it is a clear weakness.

No matter how much a cliche this flash is, it has non-stop frantic action, a chaotic world of cyberpunk and over-the-top martial arts mastery like Dragonball Z, which is where it shines. The lack of blood welcomes a wider audience, too. And as it goes over the top, it has a brilliant sense of humor. We suspend our disbelief during the fight with the axe-wielding reject that failed the Mortal Kombat Goro look-alike contest. The elevator scene was also a nice touch.

In all, it doesn't deserve an "average" score. It is a prelude of greatness. Keep it up, and improve the artwork (hint: if you're good on paper and not the mouse, work with Photoshop, an image scanner, and flash).

[yellin' bobby]

Nasty

This guy made me crack up twice, or three times. So, I hope you got that guy out of Indiana University (must be a local-interest Flash, because few people would know what's going on there). It reminds me of the Deluxe Edition Sound Board of Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket. I bet someone can make a Sound Board out of this guy if they recorded enough of him.

[The Butterfly]

Face it man, that sucks balls.

Give me a break. What is this, a French film of some kind? Everything went downhill once the flick took a tide for the clown gothic (thanks to the poor choice in music). Beginning and ending everything in a pseudo-poetic fashion does not gild the fact that this has no substance. The only redeeming qualities are somewhat decent production with polygons, and the fact that it's SHORT.