Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[XIN Session 02]

On Second Thought...

I wrote in the first review on this series that it would be fine as a SERIOUS SHORT.

Unfortunately, someone thought it would be funny to add a miserably hilarious fight scene right before Ghai steps in to ruin the vibe. Ghai's schemes to compromise the authority of the faculty brings complexity to the mix, a precursor to how the blonde dude and Ghai's friend may become at the very end of the series.

I started laughing, and discovered that these guys couldn't keep a straight face when they animated this. Can't they at least try to make more and clean up the more goofy gags in the future?

[XIN Session 01]

HOLY BLANK! THAT'S TOO CRUEL!

This is definitely a series meant for the Serious Shorts section. It's probably there already, if I'm missing the boat. If not, then admin's missing the boat.

Anyway, this is short, but sets the tone for what will naturally escalate. Corporal punishment of this degree isn't ethical for a public school system, but if that had been the case, I would complete OTHER PEOPLE'S HOMEWORK if that would keep them safe... The concept would collapse on itself on network television, but it fits okay with the Newgrounds crowd.

[Moonlight]

Deserves Everyone's Praise

The awards accredited to this masterpiece should not surprise viewers. This is the best "Serious Short" for several reasons:

#1: It makes sense
#2: Top-notch design
#3: Straightforward tale that ties all loose ends
#4: Runs for seven minutes and ends--ONE PART only

About that last one: it does not involve multiple parts of three minutes apiece to get the message across. For three, when the story plays out, everything is comprehensible. The story, though old, is superbly executed by the producers.

By the way: the fairy reverts to a human. I hate to let this go (but justice wins in the end, anyway). Yey, the woman tending the graveyard wears the fairy's colors. Look at it this way: a few Shakespearean tragedies tell the end, but the build-up to how it happens compels you to pay attention. After it is done, I'm sure you'll click a FIVE on this animation as well!

[Now You're a MAN]

You are reviewing: Now You're a MAN

That struck me as funny (the title of the review is exactly what's displayed when you write a review). This flash has an interesting concept, something half-baked while staring at the screen, wondering what to create today...

There is one technical issue to address and, while you're at it, perform a complete overhaul of the concept, enriching the point to the point of lunacy and lengthening the piece. It sounds rough, I know, but it pauses mysteriously close to the end (probably some effect's Action Scriping interferes with everything). Remedy this at least, then resubmit what is already something that puts a smile on people's faces.

[Metal Gear Fiesta]

Go David! Get Your Groove on! It's your Birthday!

Someone made excellent use of technology to spoof the beginning of an intense Game-Cube game right now... and I'm impressed!

I started to crack up as soon as Snake couldn't figure out what "Button" the Colonel was talking about. I suppose Paul Eiding's voice is hard to recreate, because neither the Playstation nor the Game-Cube versions of Metal Gear Solid had him speak in a Southern accent. It matched the zaniness, so it's a positive, not a negative.

This is something you have to watch a couple of times (in case you looked away for a moment). It's that ridiculous. It's that funny. It deserves front page honor as well as moving to the official Video Game Parody listing.

El-Cid responds:

Yeah, true dat on the Colonel's voice. I listened to it several times, but I there was no way I was going to get close so I came up with what you heard. Thanks for the feedback!

[Mighty Clock 3]

Solid... Quite...

I'm no fan of anything Clock, so this definitely made me smile in the end (escecially when it says SBC, or Strawberry Clock, will NOT RETURN!). That also means you have to find something that would fuel and draw from your immense animating talent, because as the last reviewer said, this is Saturday-morning Cartoon caliber. I hope you find it soon, too!

[War of the Retards]

You're Kidding Me...

In the NGBBS, the rules specifically state that nobody should go around, picking on retards. "I mean, COME ON!" For anyone who cares for the material in Howard Stern (as opposed to insanely beautiful women that stroll into his studio for reasons unknown) has got to get a life. Picking on retards is obviously insulting, but not often in a funny way at all. Here is one of those examples.

This should be placed upon a linked pedastal decrying the sort of languid, unimaginative trite that spawns from insulting other people's mental deficiencies. It should be like seeing your personal check posted in the restaurant you pay frequent patronage to--as the reason why that particular establishment does not accept personal checks. When this occurs, know that you are not doing well at all.

Furthermore, although the first one is cool, the rest of the series did not live up to the expectations of its fan base. Overuse of the Matrix techno is about as bad as overusing the techno from Mortal Kombat. Both must be at the low end of techno through their involvement with those movies. Stop using those songs over and over again in Newgrounds Flashes! And that goes for mimicing bullet-time effects, as well.

[DE_aztec]

Pretty Hard to Say Blam...

ChaOtix thinks a "5 year system just isn't fun anymore..." and subsequently ripped my skeleton out of my body with the force of my own hatred. The idea that any game becomes worthless and unenjoyable after any period of time is a smack upside the head, because someone in the world will find even the crappiest game to be entertaining to some extent. Will we give Final Fantasy the smack-down, too? All incarnations follow mechanics devised in the 1980s, you know.

The Flash pays tribute of sorts to the Counter-Strike series' multi-player system that has many loyal fans. All the characters archetypes that orchestrate the chaos are covered in a humorous fashion (they make better sense if viewers follow this series).

Many don't care for stick-figures, but here, they are properly implemented. Can anyone make an elaborately violent flash without stick-figures? Not until that ridiculous memory size cap is unscrewed (5 MB? Has the dial-up crowd switch to a BIGGER WIRE yet?)

[A barking dog is beaten.]

Utterly Pointless

Most Flash cartoons submitted by this guy revolve around violence and excessive blood. The Crookie Monster wasn't too horrible, though. However, Livecorpse should advance to serious work, as opposed to gratuitous brutality.

By the way, the creature getting killed was no dog, but the lead character in the children's Anime Hamtaro, coinciding with how oppressively annoying it is.

From what I can gather, Livecorpse died. Everyone keeps saying "RIP, dude." Either the viewers state trendy phrases reflecting approval of Livecorpse's work, or he is honestly dead, and I'm wasting my precious time blamming his crap for no reason than to cleanse the portal of half-baked entries. Maybe I'm doing him a posthumous service by blamming his entries, which he looks upon with disdain from above. One has to be critical of so much blatant violence without a plot, you know.

On the other hand, if Livecorpse is alive and reading this review, I got a message for you. I'm telling your fans to fuck themselves because they're out of their mind to think that "RIP, dude" is an honest-to-God compliment, even to a guy submitting entries under the alias of an undead creature!

And I refuse to apologize. If this guy submitted so much trash, perhaps the natural course of vengeful nature did you ridiculous jerks a favor.