Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[VEIN]

Unpolished, huh...

Your computer crashed and you lost a whole bunch of this? How many more people do I have to tell off about getting a stinking auxillary hard drive before attempting any serious creative project?

What you have here is objectively okay, though it's far beyond a teen rating--very far. The animation could be tweaked, but what can you say to a man that actually attempts this level of animation? Nude bodies in flash is pretty hard, and your attempt is pretty good.

Still, there's very little rhyme or reason behind this whole thing. There's more than what meets the eye, but the sheer grittiness and randomness besides combine to confuse the audience.

This submission could use some work. I know you're reeling from losing your material to technical issues, but at least you should remember your ideas to redo them. Trust me--with this weird stuff, you'll undoubtedly make a showing of yourself at Newgrounds.

[Willium]

Not terribly clever...

When will these flash artists just grow up? In the Star Syndicate, we can count on a good idea being run completely into the ground, or a bad idea being run completely into the ground.

A previous Syndicate flash derailed "EMO" people. This one derails goth people. You know what? We need more flash that derails Locks, Clocks, and Star Syndicate people... if only to be fair.

If you have to complain about goths, look at it like advertising: the more you ignore it, the more it goes away.

TwoStar responds:

oh arent you the charlie drake

[Final Fantasy 8 Spoof]

Funny 'cause it's stupid

I happen to like Final Fantasy VIII, but when I believe this flash's only redeeming quality is the music selection (The Black Mages... dude), that's pretty damn low.

Are you cosplayers by any chance? The whole setup was quite goofy (the wandering especially), and kind of underscores the fallacies in logic inherent in many role-playing adventures like Final Fantasy. In emulating the game itself in real-time and live actors, you've actually nestled in a bit of charm.

Now if only we can stop other stupid jerks from putting cardboard boxes on their head and burning them (as a response to this flash's utter lunacy)... Anyone smell a live-action Metal Gear spoof coming along, yet?

[Metal Gear Solid STS's 2]

Not that funny!

NOT THAT FUNNY, YOU SAY?

I think you underestimate the power of the Dark Side of the Force.

That was, again, pretty damn goofy--firmly in line with any self-respecting spoof. The coconuts thing seemed a bit out of place, though. I know interrupting your flash for commercials is sort of your motif, especially with that L'oreal ad in the previous Snake Tale, but honestly... coconuts? That was Liquid there, right? That's just dumb. I suppose you're critical of that, but everything else was perfect ("Read... ALL my thoughts? Well...").

Click a five...

Because she's worth it!

CiyFox responds:

Juat s note, not it wan't liquid, he was Coconut man with coconut girl, i had a funny song i did for her, but it would of ment me sining, not a good thing. lol

Thanks for the review.

[Metal Gear Solid: STS's]

Even the censored beeping was poorly done...

Don't kick yourself for attempting Snake when you're a seventeen year-old girl. You're stretching your range off the bat.

But seriously, this Metal Gear spoof is one of the funniest I've seen. Don't feel bad that you didn't get a voice talent worth his salt. In my opinion, the do-it-yourselfer adds a special charm to the piece. Hell, it's the only charm you'd get out of a flash cartoon, period. We're all amateurs around here, and we don't have to kill ourselves over it.

Never forget about Trey Parker and Matt Stone. They make some godawfully funny stuff, and they often ask celebrities to play menial parts, like pigs or other such animals. They do it themselves, voice acting as well. Since you made me laugh out loud, you're getting a five--and that's a rarity from a darkling like me!

[Mortal Kombat Cheerio old]

FUNNY, but still sucked...

A monumental piece of turd that could have done better if it had been revamped, Mortal Kombat Cheerio is laced with misspellings throughout its text portions (which ran longer than the action almost). Still, it was funny to watch. I mean, random guys and cereal boxes were getting battered by two MK dudes, redefining what being a cereal killer truly is. And the obnoxious cliffhanger in the end? Priceless!

However, I know that song--the piano piece--is derived from Lunar: The Silver Star Story, not Final Fantasy. You better get your facts straight before writing the credits, buddy.

Angel responds:

I think i know what music i used in my own flash animation and it is final fantasy and i dont even know what the silvery star story is SO GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!

[MGS: True Sneakyness Redo]

Still got a long way to improve...

You better not be satisfied with what you have here.

First of all, it drags. You didn't cut out dead air, or when characters are moving slowly, resulting in a pathetically slow pace.

Second, you didn't optimize this at all, huh? The file size was big for a cartoon with just a few gags. It's probably because you used practically the complete theme from MGS2, and failed to incorporate enough gags for the sequence (you filled it in with plenty of dead air, though).

Finally, let me make something clear: I admit Snake is hard to perform, but you never bothered to perform multiple takes--you did it in one shot, I bet--and never revised it. And everyone heard you loud and clear, especially the distortion that comes from yelling much too close to the microphone! Even digital ones do that. Clearly, you didn't give much thought about the voice acting part, including the guards.

I gave you a zero, because you failed to deliver on a potential that people assume deserves a three or four. Even your art style is from an outside source. Sorry, but this means you need more practice. Savor the green while you can, I doubt that I can stomach it myself.

[Zelda's PRIDE force]

Ha, Triforce, huh?

I don't believe nobody would dare to entertain the silly concept behind this flash, Nalem. Here's why: fans, one dozen for a dime, would jump on the chance! Mentor is a good friend to take the chance, anyway, because the concept had to be done well.

I think I've seen your stuff before, and they happen to be nice. The adult themes are flat-out cool, and everything about this demanded a clear-cut production. Nothing artistically fancy, but you score well particularly in sound and comic timing, both of which are crucial.

You proved to me today that there is a God. I still say that Link is into cowgirls, and that Malon is much too eager for her own good...

[Email!!]

Reminiscent of "Rejected!"

The independent animator-styled aspects of this silly cartoon reminds me of the Bitter Films series, the most popular of which is the "Rejected" cartoon that people have ripped out of cyberspace. It's nowhere near being dark like "Rejected," since your flash is happy-go-lucky and pretty much goofy, rather than harsh or sadistic.

Since you reminded me of "Rejected," a hilarious cartoon, I will remember your flash fondly!

[Mario vs. Bowser]

Wise to Stand Out...

At first, I thought this was going to be yet another reenactment of a glorious video game battle, sprites and all, by a flash artist that knows choreography but can't draw in flash for crap. It's almost like those Civil War buffs that go to untold lengths to emulate painful battles fought in their area.

And then a supposed newbie does this. And I must ask: are you really a newbie, or am I dreaming?

The "adult" touch at the end makes it stand out. It's genuinely funny, and captures everything about Mario that we love with that special twist only flash artists can provide. I laughed out loud, and you should be honored for that.

Still, the fight drags somehow--it seems slow. Maybe if you skipped a few beats, it would get the pace straightened out. So, I thought it would be mediocre, until I checked out the humor at the end. What is presented here remains solid overall. Great job!