Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[HAGGAR'D Episode 5]

Original Approach to Sprite Spoofs

Now, I am torn. This is actually a nice, goofy example of merging real live footage with sprite characters. To be honest, I happened to smile. I'm sure people have done it before, but it is rare. I'm not sure how much Flash was involved with this, however.

[Garbodor is Ugly]

Dddun Dddun Dunnunuuun....

Sounded a lot like a Slayer intro to serve as an outro. Always a nice touch.

For something made in eight hours, this was actually pretty amusing. It has a single joke, good set-up, and decent timing. If it was accomplished in eight hours, think of how mint it would be to create a whole string of episodes featuring these characters.

Or be a lazy bastard. Your choice, really.

[HTFM:2]

No Improvements over Previous Episode

Yay, they get killed in a freak accident. Yay.

This sucks.

tacomanworld responds:

have you every watched HTF?

[HTFM:1]

Dull

Obviously inspired by idiots who ride shopping carts, as well as Retarded Animal Babies.

Kind of blah and lackluster... not to mention the lack of a replay function.

tacomanworld responds:

hey guess wat u suck donkey balls and go out with your mom and have to sell all ur stuff to get ur brain bigger so somehow u have the brain power to speak dumn ass

[Bio-Metal Episode 01]

Science Friction

The first episode suffers greatly from a lack of good pacing. True, the outer space shots are interesting and visually good at first, but they drag on too long. The color scheme (on the Planet Earth shots) is rather poor, like Web 216 colors. Still, there are a few tweening effects--some very subtle--in the backgrounds that prove effective. Use of alpha in the clouds is dull, but the idea of an opening shot from the sky and downward is interesting.

In terms of the story, it is dully presented. Clifford (never named in the episode itself) eats a leftover grinder and sees an unusual object in his backyard, which zaps him when he gets close. All this and no replay button or pre-load screen.

Art design is wonky in certain aspects: Cliff has big hands, for instance, while the lip sync could have been far less complicated and still achieve the same effect. There were far more frames of lip sync than there were syllables in his speech. Usually, it's either a one-to-one ratio with a few extra frames on the side.

The premise wasn't even established. No hook, or reason that we should care about Clifford's fate, or even an indication that he's alive after what happens. So for a first episode of a series, it is one of the weakest I have ever seen. There is some glimmer of decent production value being poured into it, but none of that matters if the audience doesn't care!

One can only hope that future installments of "Bio-Metal" will transcend the shoddy beginnings and give us a science fiction tale worthy of the genre.

[A SlapHappy Quickie #11]

We Will Give You The Best Sex Ever

That damn song is in my head.

For a Flash made in one day, this is kind of okay. It's a random blurb, but hey, not every cartoon has to be a masterpiece.

Doesn't stop it from sucking major.

tehslaphappy responds:

WHA

[Jimothy Sprinkles Ep. 2]

Electrical and Fiery

Man oh man, this is deserving of Front Page. Whoever drudged this sinkhole up was gunning to clip the tires of all the animation snobs who think everything has to be clean lines and feasible. This is highbrow-turned-lowbrow and I loved every minute of it, being a cross between David Firth and Junkyard Animations, with a very black humor and incredible sense of timing with the jokes. Production values are low, but who cares?

This is all about the impossibility of such a supernatural creature in Hugo Boss with a penchant for gutting women into pig chow and wearing people's scalps as masks... and getting away with it every single time no matter how outlandish. Therein lies the brilliance of this dark comedic horror show: it exaggerates the presence of evil in everyday life until it becomes an elephant sprawled upon the loveseat in your den.

While Jimothy Sprinkles Ep. 2 isn't groundbreaking or trendsetting on its own, one thing is certain: it is one of the highlights in John Sanderson's disturbing repertoire of cartoons. This is recommended for any lover of the macabre, or anyone out for a cheap laugh punctuated by horror movie overtones.

jackthetrippr responds:

This is the best review I've ever recieved. I'd give you a handjob if I could.

[Rebecca Black - The Movie]

Satire on Modern Horror Movies

It is that, besides being another stab at that pop singer. The premise is weak but that's what adds to the charm: it's a horror movie. They're generally of a weak premise.

Most of the time, any animator who overextends the Body-English of a video game player on the couch, Wiimote or otherwise, loses points in my book. Only during momentous occasions in the game would anybody do that. We don't pull a guy's attention away if he's bouncing around like that, even in this setting. It's just stupid, since he wouldn't pause the game just to look at a stupid YouTube movie. I have seen the same mistake about Body-English and video games in movies, television, and especially commercials for years now, and I'm pretty sure it's due to a lack of observation on part of the artists. The Body-English can happen, but it is far more subdued and most of the time it is merely subtle. Few guys jerk around quite like H.M.V.* #1 did.

Anyway, another issue lies in the fact that this might actually scare the little children. Really. Some cartoons can do that. This is one of them. There isn't a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am spook moment, but the general ambience and creepy chanting might send a mixed message. It isn't supposed to be scary, but it could be. I recommend raising the rating to T, just in case.

If TeamBeatman or some other crew ever did create a full-length series of cartoons based upon this premise, we really wouldn't be able to call it "Rebecca Black - The Movie", or even "It is Friday". They're misleading, first of all. Second of all, they aren't that scary; some kids might even think she's okay and just getting lots of undeserved negative feedback. While it spoofs her music video through and through, the movie doesn't really have to include her in the title. There needs to be some ambiguity. May I recommend "Thirteenth Friday", or "Friday, Thirteenth Friday".

For a movie of this length and size of file, this packs in a good deal of entertainment. The issues that are brought up are minor in reality. Just keep up the good work, TeamBeatman! Oh, and change that guy's ringtone. That song sucks so bad.

...

*: Horror Movie Victim

[Donuts]

A Bagel Will Never Understand

The doughnut rambled a bit, which made it hard to articulate his grievance, but that added to the charm. An even greater irony is how most people go to a doughnut shop to purchase coffee, which can be a health risk in the same fashion as a doughnut. I digress.

This cartoon is short, simple, but well scripted, acted, and not even half an MB to top. If "[KK] NWP Expletive Collab" could not get Front Page, then perhaps this will. This one is far more deserving, to say the least.

[One Wish Upon a Star]

Cartoon Quality

Reminds me of Looney Tunes. All of it. THE WHOLE SPECTRUM OF IT.

If you lose this round, TOFA is gimped.