Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[BIG IRON]

Nice Tribute

Seems to be a sort of abstract wild west with clock characters. This allowed a simple art direction to convey a classic Marty Robbins song.

There are two things that result from this. First, I could show this flash to my mother and she would get a kick out of it. She would not get the Clocks or their history on Newgrounds, but as it goes this is a good depiction of the story of the Ranger with the Big Iron on his hip, and she knows the old songs like the back of her hand. Second, it is a rare instance where a Clock Crew member does something that is reasonably clean, and thus is an anomaly that could be featured in the Crew's collection page that reflects well upon them.

Even though the production values are far from stellar, "Big Iron" reflects well upon its author and ought to receive a slightly better score than this.

PS - It ain't made in 1956.

PatriotClock responds:

thanks

[TEKSI - Part Two]

Brilliant!

If I may suggest an "alternate ending," make different cut of this cartoon where it just loops the taxi sequence. That's what I thought would happen, at least.

[Clayos - ZOMGIES]

Halloween Collection! (NO! Zombie Collection....)

Should have waited for Halloween or something if the voice-over crew was being lazy. If most of it was already finished, something else could have been released in the meantime.

Still... it's okay. It's only a personal slight of mine to think that zombie movies and games are grotesquely overrated, but I did chuckle a little bit. A little. Meaning nobody could be that stupid and be featured in the final battle in a zombie movie. It was impossible to maintain a suspension of disbelief, which is required if you want someone to laugh with the joke.

Production values are up there, of course. The look is cartoony, the female voice-overs are well-portrayed and their recordings are sharp as ever. Trouble is... Mr. Price's voice-overs suffer from being too distant in comparison to the ladies', so some mixing issues have to be cited.

The F-Word got dropped twice and there is a fair bit of gore. According to the MPAA's criteria, you're allowed one F-Word for a PG-13 (or T Rating around here) but beyond that is an R rating. Not like us Yanks are picky about such things, but it might warrant a revision in the rating, just to be safe.

One last caveat: when you shoot a firearm with a bent wrist (like if you were shooting your head), you shatter your wrist in the process due to the kick-back of the gun. It'd be better if she discharged the gun with her thumb, so she only blows the head away and keeps the wrist intact. I make the assumption that she's going to get up and want to feast on brains, and a limp wrist would only be a liability to her survival.

Overall, Clayos' ZOMGIES is a good demonstration of how to create a cartoon in Flash: short, sweet, and loaded with black humor. Next time, scout for a more reliable voice-over and consider the feasibility of a joke before you insert it.

Kreid responds:

Very... technical there :P

[Daughter of the Cosmos]

Interesting Effect

There's this old game called Miner 2049er that had radioactive creatures that glowed a lot like this. Of course that game was on the Atari 400, while this is easier on the eyes. I actually kind of like it, though obviously it's not general Flash Portal faire.

In that case, have you considered submitting to the Art Portal? You couldn't do this effect in a .jpeg (maybe a .gif but I'm not sure), but you seem to have some credible skill about you. It's also nice that you decided to submit something after two years.

Nice job. Don't be a stranger!

[Evolution !]

Forced

What started as a fun picking apart of a scientific revolution went south with the sheer speed of the shots and the excessive text. Would make far more sense if a narrator voiced everything instead.

Also, it is just another one of those miserable topical cartoons, the type that shoves its opinion all over the narrative and floods the audience with what they should think. I already had a headache from the text moving by too quickly, and I'm sure I couldn't read it all.

Finally, it's just difficult to follow. In addition to moving too fast, it moves in multiple directions all at once. Everything comes together in the end, but by then I had a horrid experience in keeping track of things that I just didn't care anymore.

And to be quite honest, with the way history operates, it goes in direct defiance to what evolution is theorized to correct over time. People can improve, but not nations. I still say the message in this hard-to-follow cartoon is forced.

[MvC3: Dante]

Silly, Sunny, Sexy Romp for the Ages

They make a wonderful couple!

.............

Actually, to be perfectly honest, this looks better than all the other "rejected MvC3 ads" that anybody ever made. It's also funnier and actually cleaner than the rest, with some amount of class.

Did the admins add an extra collection to enshrine these yet?

[Salad Fingers Episode. 9]

Anti-Climactic

Well, that was quick! It took forever for one of these to debut, and that was what we get?

Salad Fingers looked and felt very cool... way back in 2004. I suppose it would never get a face-lift, it being ugly on purpose. These days, the kids will just yawn and click on something with a higher body count.

An episode like this appeals only to fans, no--hardcore fans. Everyone else will be left scratching their heads. Mr. Firth will likely consider that a triumph. Perhaps this epitomizes everything that is "Salad Fingers"... just one short, surreal ramble of dry-rot.

[Mid-Air Mexican]

Crude

I'm not sure if I should label this as racist, because it reinforces Latino stereotypes but doesn't appear to be hateful. You can insert a lot of ethnic stereotypes but they are not racist by themselves. They're in poor taste, though.

Citing an issue in the Author's Comments suggests a defeatist attitude. It also prevents good scores because the audience becomes biased before the movie plays, scanning for the problem as a means of determining how much it affects the experience. Next time, trust in the audience's ability to pick your material apart. They are less prone to sympathize with one who appears only to shrug and blink.

Now, if the sound quality is low and you know it, solicit suggestions on how to remedy it. Post it on Dumping Grounds, send some friends the link, and ask about how to fix things. If you have a sound editor program, you can mix the voice track better. There are also options in Flash that allow you to manipulate the sound output of vocal elements. Under no condition should you blather about something that could have been fixed prior to release.

Finally, "E"-Rated means G or PG, so minor blood only. The amount of blood spilled here is enough for a "T" Rating, so consider revising your content rating.

While this didn't make me laugh, it's a cartoon more or less, better structured than some of the garbage and practical jokes floating around here. Strive to improve and try to pick better subject matter; you can alienate some of the really sensitive types from watching your stuff well before you have something worth watching.

[Jerry 2]

Dishonors the Original

"What's the deal with burning in this pit for all eternity?"

You fuckin' missed that part, Max. That was the point of the original cartoon: watch this idiot suffer and die and burn in eternal burning. He has to crack wise about that. He didn't. So you lost a point.

Big deal.

The only reason I watched Seinfeld was Cozmo Kramer. Crazy schmuck made me laugh more than Jerry ever could. That sentiment continues to this day. Even with my bias, this didn't make me laugh. It just got annoying. The only good part about it was how short it was.

Remakes always manage to suck somehow. When it's deliberate, there is an imperceptible groan throughout the entire audience, because either something was lost in translation, or everything but the soul is there.

[Party Time?]

Yep, Pretty Much a Horrible Blight Upon the Earth!

For a do-it-yourself job, it's pretty... bad. There is some wit to be had in this piece, although that music will freak people out and I'm sure the visuals can cause epilepsy.

I know a guy in Australia, his name is Jon. When he composes a Flash he makes a note to count the number of hours it took and how many weeks. His material is incredible, but some take close to 100 hours of time to compose. Give yourself that amount of time, spread across several days, before you come back with a new Flash for us.

marmph responds:

Thank you for the very thoughtful review. Don't worry, this will never happen again.

The fact is, I have worked (and am working) on some games that are months-long projects. I just thought it would be interesting to see people's reactions to this kind of animation.