Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[How I rescued my girl]

Cheesy, but Clean and Somehow "Cutting-Edge"

Well, that was pretty cheesy. This doesn't have to be a Valentine's Day submission. One can only hope the girlfriend was impressed. A good bonus is that the cartoon is clean enough for General Audiences, almost unheard of around Newgrounds.

What stands out is the ability to watch the movie in color after watching it in silent film mode once. I don't see too many people talk about making an attempt, or how, since it looks like such a hassle to change all the colors. Is it an AS trick we're not aware of? Or it's something really simple, like restoring the saturation of the camera so that every layer beneath it has color again. Oddly enough, "How I Rescued My Girl" is "Cutting-Edge" in adding this feature. The viewer response between the two versions is likely to be different.

Nice work overall!

EugeneToons responds:

Oh, I simply converted the movie to a movie clip and changed saturation so that it turned to black and white. Before that I spent a lot of time looking for a way to change the colors to black and white.

[Chefmaster]

Immature and Unfunny

Randomness does not always equal funny. In fact, it often doesn't. Even the lamest, weirdest sprite short of under ten seconds has to have a plot of some kind. For instance, the two Abobos from the NES version and the Arcade/GBA version of Double Dragon, meeting at long last. One says, "WHO THE **** ARE YOU!" and the other says, "Hello." just before getting kicked off the building. It's a strange encounter that horrifies one of them.

As for "Chefmaster", this is just a series of stupid things happening that don't amount to anything. Zombies attacking the Great Wall... now where did we pull that idea out of? Screaming "Father!" at the end did not make anymore sense than anything else in the cartoon. Worst of all, some amount of effort was placed into a cartoon that failed to make a better portion of the audience laugh.

This is the turning point where an animator either smartens up and starts to communicate with their projects rather than being merely clever, or ends up being criticized for being a repetitive hack. Those Ass-Duff movies were okay for their time, but at some point, you got to grow up.

[Singing Flaming Gerbils]

Kinda Sucks, but Still Trippy

Okay, this is just messed up. Okay? Messed up. It's not great, but doesn't have to be. Nice work, you finished something for someone. Now go make another, far better flash!

BigAlex responds:

Heh, yeah. I knew it was pretty bad upon submission. I'm still new to flash, but I hope to do something with this when I'm more familiar with action script.

[Chalie's Anatomy]

Imbalanced Breakfast

Okay, let's get one thing straight: when they're spotted, they're sweeter and great for baking bread with them. And they're extremely sweet. If they're completely brown, that's the iffy point.

This is a goofy cartoon, but it didn't make me laugh. Also, it lacks a replay button. Looks like this was meant for You Tube but sent here for a wider audience. In fact, the whole thing was kind of... I don't know... STUPID.

For a Dramedy, this was technically okay, but the writing smelled more like cheese than fruit....

[An Interview]

LET'S DO THIS AGAIN!

Fucking hell, I hate it when goofballs upload their stuff twice and I have to review it TWICE.

Okay, like I said before, the file size is a bit big, but the writing is improved--short, sweet, and satirical--and recommended viewing for anyone living in the nine-to-five grind.

By the way, that used car salesman wink-and-smile interviewer with the killer sideburns resembles Tom Fulp in a bad way. Since it sounded as though the character wanted to drink piss from a cup, I'd tell the author to watch his butt, because I hear Tom has a serious lack of any sense of humor....

Thank you, and take care while uploading submissions!

[The Glop (1978)]

Campy

Knox, eat your heart out.

[first try at madness]

FEED ME THE MADNESS SEYMOUR! --Bill Murray (attr.)

Good God, that Madness protagonist would be dead in the first four seconds. Instead, the 1337 crew guys have worse aim than the French. They don't even bother to shoot! No wonder scores of these doofuses get greased. Or was it a case of deplorable pacing?

Meanwhile, little things like foot animation suffer because actual tweening tricks used in Madness cartoons are disregarded (or sailing over the author's head). It's so bad, in fact, that the author inserts self-deprecating comments in the flash, as though they can endear sympathy from the audience. Speaking of audible, the only sound effect I heard was a gunshot, which is why the katana-wielding guy never swung once even in close range. Logical?

Yeah, so "first try at madness" is a grotesque disservice to the franchise. Krinkels, if not dead from watching this thing, is already dead from some other cause and is currently rolling in his grave, beating his skull-dust against the urn (in case he got cremated). If he survived somehow, he is already contemplating his afterlife, in addition to his countless imitators'.

So why did I give this a ten?

Because it's hilarious in a bad way, thus making me laugh out loud. THE OTHER SUBMISSIONS RELEASED TODAY DID NOT DO THAT FOR ME.

[The Hell Are My Legs 35]

Stop

This is just stupid.

Just... no.

For three years, "The Hell Are My Legs" has been a staple of a nutritive Newgrounds diet like Cheetos are for a pirate on a long sea voyage. Hopefully the joke becomes old in the author's mind and we can all miss this series like a heaping dose of throat cancer.