Neophyte-Ronin's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[LIFE + DEATH]

Haven't Improved a Bit

Holy shit, why am I still watching this?

This series debuted years ago and was a deliberate suckfest. For three years, nothing happened, until the author decided to resurrect his grand vision and treat us to another fine deliberate suckfest. Can't say I'm thrilled.

Jerryjackson responds:

U ONLY DONT LIKE IT COS UR WILLY = SMALL AND U R A BIT OF POO

[Man Snake Alarm]

Experiment Gone Wrong

This sucks. The author could have used a loop from his existing audio catalog in the AP but chose to add a really annoying sound effect instead. This thing could use some work, but it might be better if we just forgot it existed. That's how piss-poor it is.

The only good thing about pencil neck is that the tweens and masking layers are put to use. Good thing, because this snaggle-toothed welterweight is fugly beyond belief. He probably chokes on the shrooms he tries to eat with that wavy... thing.

Ah, it's not a horrible little experiment. It's just a horrible flash. At least Father-of-Death has the tact to warn about his shortcomings with the audio synchronization.

Father-of-Death responds:

lol holy shit...

You took this shit way too seriously, you angsty little fuck. What ever happened to practicing and having fun while doing so.

I'm a beginner at this flash stuff so cut me a break asshole.

I'm all for criticizing but god damn that wasn't criticizing at all, that was just some random hate mongering load of shit comment. This wasn't spam and i'm sorry if it you saw it that way, I guess I'm done posting flash on NG if I have to make the BEST flash ever when I'm just starting out.

[punk auld lang syne]

Fun Music Video

This is a compact but ridiculously fun music video. The client ought to be happy. I'm sure the Newgrounders around here should agree, too!

[Do Not Remove]

Everyone is Having Shane Dering's Babies Now

Short, swift, evil and to the point... with under 1MB.

This author is a Flash god.

[Saved by the Horn]

No Hope for Rescue by a Horn with THIS Garbage!

Let's be honest. This sucks, deliberately so. A bad sitcom like "Saved by the Bell" is a bulls-eye for us punks in the portal, but good lord!

Performing all the voices on your own tends to frustrate a few who can't figure out who's speaking. It's the same voice... for every character... with no variation whatsoever. Either we are meant to laugh at the author's seeming lack of talent or get frustrated with hearing the same voice essentially talk to itself. If the accents were varied and exaggerated more, then it would not get old so quickly.

Also, this cartoon has a long run-time but not much actually happens. That's part of the joke, although authors have accomplished that effect in less time than this. A long running time is only good if there is SOMETHING HAPPENING.

Not astonishingly (due to lack of any real effects or talent in the art direction), the file size is low... something that affects whether or not your flash (if funny or a stand-out) gets posted upon the front page. The simplicity and overall poor quality of the artwork and effects, including voice-overs, is a marketing decision.

Overall, this is lukewarm in its efforts and full of misses. Many misses. Saved by the Bell is a bulls-eye, but one would think fish in a barrel would be easier to shoot for "Saved by the Horn". I recommend more effort on the author before I would recommend others to watch such his half-baked drivel.

[Flying Pigs!]

RICHARD! NOOOOOO!

Couldn't you include a "Replay" Button at least?

It still made me smile.

Solrac responds:

Thanks Man! It's an Honor to be reviewed by an NG user of 2003! I tried to make the Replay button, but failed misserably........

[Snowy's Christmas]

How Adorable!

The way you tortured that little toy was so sweet I almost vomited! Great Job!

[Hydroelectricity]

HYDROELECTRICITY IS CRYSTAL METH! LOL

I would have reported this as stolen from the jerks behind "Powerthirst", but the sound quality was way off. The NG wiki and related sound tutorials can patch those crackling problems up. It made me smile, though. Anything that can make me smile has to be worth holding onto.

Still, it's pretty crude. Keep submitting, no matter what the critics think, and eventually you'll have a hit in your hands.

[StarWars: A New Knight I]

Fun Idea, but where can you go with it?

HA! A nice twist... actually kind of humorous. The highly detailed digital artwork lends a certain crispness to the experience. Still, the cartoon is very short for its file size. I suggest that the next episode run longer, though I am loath to devise how using audio exclusively from the films can hope to create a plot worthy of this concept.

In any case, you tickled my ribs, which happens rarely here at Newgrounds, so congratulations on making life a little brighter for someone.

the-fridge86 responds:

I didn't expect it to be humorous so that's a nice surprise! It is short but and unfortunately, the file size is a consequence of the highly detailed images and the music (I reduced the size of both as much as possible). I agree that it's a challenge to create a decent plot with my limited skill and resources but that's the enjoyment of it for me. The plot is the product of suggestions on the intro clip (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/vie w/549038) and my blog (http://mustusepowers.blogspot.com/20 10/09/star-wars-new-knight.html).

Glad to have entertained!

[Zelda- Link and the Pig]

Made Me Smile

The only real complaint I got is the lapse between development, completion, and release times. It's still a great cartoon. Anybody notice how many issues Link has with livestock of all kinds?