Neophyte-Ronin's audio Reviews on Newgrounds

[Gangster JeAnz]

Mean as Fuck, but Quite True

Okay, now if you broke into the music industry, most of your gangsta ghetto spoofs would be on the B-Side as novelty songs... ON EACH AND EVERY ALBUM!

Little history behind these low-hanging jeans that are, in fact, an affront to tasteful fashion: in prison, they remove your belts and other long straps and shoelaces and everything that could lead to someone's baneful suicide via hanging or asphyxiation (or as weapons to subjugate guards or other prisoners). Hence, your pants, if you lose weight, will be low-hanging. When stories spread, the underclass adopted the look as contemporary street fashion, and presto. Anybody who knows the history behind certain ghetto fashions won't even have to pick on them via a funny novelty rap from who is obviously best-suited toward heavy metal. At least someone will consider making a music video out of this one....

And yeah, in addition to trying to rap on the first playback, I voted 5....

4.33 / 5.00 (+ 0.025)

Bad-Man-Incorporated responds:

Haha, thanks man. Thanks for the history behind them. Makes sense.
I was thinking of making a fun video for this, but I"m so lazy. haha.
Thanks for the awesome review!\m/

[Arpegio Study No. 2 - Reich]

James Bond has a Mullet

...And you're to blame, asshole.

....

....

....

As if that's a horrible thing!

Eternalreich responds:

Skeeter Bond

[Narcistic Deathtrap]

Please Never Ever Stop Playing Guitar, Never Stop!

First of all, even a song this short needed vocals, but this guy put more than what a nine minute-long song would have. That's okay--the more, the merrier (as long as he doesn't trip on his words!) I always say--so what else is new?

Well, I don't know, but maybe the bass could use some extra chunk. It's just a personal preference. Not to nit-pick, but the biggest strength, those excellent melodic rhythms, might be hiding something.

Now, this guy is just plain awesome. There are a few trips on his words, just to make sure his voice is consistently harsh. However, the lyrics are just plain psycho--very reminiscent of (and I feel like such a fucking game geek for bringing this one out) Delita Hyral from Final Fantasy Tactics, or perhaps the creeps he allegedly serves--and since the song loops without any struggle, it makes for the best damned melodramatic boss fighting music, like if someone around the portal designed an online-ready 2D fighting game with medieval fantasy themes... then this would be the Black Fell Knight Motherfucker final boss character.

Overall, there isn't much to complain about, and even if there was, we're too busy headbanging to the song without realizing that it loops flawlessly and transforms the thing into twenty minutes of migraine joy. Excellent work.

Eternalreich responds:

Wow dude what an awesome review dude. I agree that schlief is a fucking psycotic ass singer and this fucking two minute song has crazy long lyrics and they work. He just never stops singing, it's pretty metal.

As for the bass, there is none. It needs it and better drum production. Maybe someone can add some bass to it. And a FF tactics reference is totally cool with me man, that is one of the best games ever.

Thanks for the killer view!

[Eternity'sBloodline-ReichDemo]

So Finish Aleady....

It loops perfectly and so far it has the workings of a main menu death metal melodic style screaming through every note. If you finish this soon, then I can conjure up something that would best use every last note of its brilliance, because it is brilliant already.

Excellent work so far... some sections could use some more emphasis as the guitar work does bleach the background away just a little. The performance is solid but the balance just seems a little off. If you make the synthesizer a little meatier and change up the drum programming (or make new drum tracks if you use real drums), then this should start to shine a little more clearly.

Eternalreich responds:

Cool dude i hope to get with viceshark soon for a totally revamped version with better mixing, riffing n whatnot. I kinda drowned the synths out a little with my guitars but the drums wouldn't have been loud enough if i didn't. I just recorded over his song as a demo fer him n shit. And some drum variation would be for the better. Well see what happens.

I would love to be involved in the music for a good flash, new creation or otherwise. Keep me in mind duder!

[Dragon Skin]

The Synth

The "synthesized" aspects of the song make it sound... I don't know, flimsy. That's what I use to describe the song. This one could use more than a little work.

It also hurts when the riff sounds very close to "Decisive Battle"--part of the Final Fantasy VI soundtrack. This is the sort of fluffy stupidity that deflates all seriousness and gives power metal a disdainfully bad name.

However, I can envision (hear?) a remastering of the initial few moments of the track--or sections of the track--and creating slick video game loops out of them. If anything, the music lends itself to an arcade feel that would be ideal in an action game of old school nature, say a run'n'gun Metal Slug or Contra clone. I know the recent game "Infiltrator" utterly lacks a musical score, which sort of deflates its appeal since you sort of expect some kind of background music in a run-and-gun!

In any case, this needs to shed more than its skin to achieve greatness. The drum samples, for instance, need to match the loudness of the guitars, and beef up the bass. That can always use some boosting! If anything, shelf this baby for a rainy day, then list all the mistakes you hear and correct them one-by-one. It isn't like this song has no potential at all. It couldn't be defined as power metal without that.

Kor-Rune responds:

Wow, yeah, I just now noticed how lame the bass aspects are volume-wise to this song.

But I'm not sure anything can give power metal a worse name than Dragonforce, lol.

Thanks for the fantastic review, we need more people like you as reviewers!

[When The Time Comes Instrmntal]

If I had a sister...

...I'd grant you full range, boy.

This song is THAT good.

In its current state, it is definitely a background music piece, especially in a Flash production. In its projected full version, it'd be the music during the credits. Either way, it's win-win for you. Also, this song is actually well-mastered, and that is often an obstacle for many musicians at this site, when their material sounds cloudy and noisy, therefore useless in a Flash. And of course, beyond Flash, this thing sets out to become an effective piece to listen to when you need something in the background to listen to... something DECENT.

Again, if I had a sister, you could fuck her and I wouldn't whine about it.

Kor-Rune responds:

Haha, thanks man. I still have many mastering problems, but this one went a little more raw, easier, and light-hearted with the production.

I just wish a decent vocalist would come along so I could have the full version and this one as some background music, best of both worlds with a strong melody and chord progression.

Thanks for the review!

[The Rapture - Monolith]

Brutal, Psychotic, and Lovely

Compared to some of the tracks produced by your group, this one sticks out as well-produced... that is to say, your talents shine through a good recording of tracks. This can be considered the definitive demo for your group.

Now, if I may ask, could you post lyrics? Like all black metal, you can't possibly get around the power-metal-high-pitched-operatic-and -then-back-to-doom-metal-growl sort of stuff that your vocalist expertly provides. At some point, there will be something missing in translation, hence a request for lyrics to be posted isn't a horrible one. Surely you can understand, from a fan who utterly enjoys the song enough to bother asking?

Hail Satan. Actually, fuck him, he owes me cash and he'll never deliver. Fuck him in his goat ass, motherfucker.

Eternalreich responds:

Lyrics? no problem ill have them soon and send you a pm.

[The Paladin]

Wait a Minute, What the FUCK?

Exactly why did people hate on this one? I mean, you're crossing into Weird Al territory when you take somebody's song (in this case, a Kenny Rogers song) and redo all the lyrics to suit your intentions. This is one of the really good WoW spoof songs I've heard. It doesn't matter if you're vocal chords aren't behaving perfectly, because I've seen the "That's the World of Warcraft that You Play" song on YouTube and I believe THIS SONG IS FUCKING BETTER!

3.00 / 5.00 (+ 0.017)

Who had the fucking audacity to Zero-Bomb this one?

SkyMarshall responds:

Haha well you made me laugh at least. And yup, first time ever this has been over the 3.00 mark. Thanks for that :) The fact that at least you "understood" the whole idea of this thing, makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. So thanks for the little motivational boost ... and ofcourse the 10 =) Appreciate it!

[Fragger]

Excellent Work

I always enjoy someone who delivers a sense of humor in anything he or she creates. This is one of those moments.

Keep showing up with this stuff dude.

SkyMarshall responds:

Thanks man =) I do treasure that 10!

[Spring Me From Hell (preview)]

3.93 / 5.00 (+ 0.078)

Don't worry Mr. Bad Man, we'll drag this motherfucker out of Zero Bomb Hell. The title certainly fits. We're all doing the best we can with our RESPECT clicks, all of us (if not then we can use their heads as stepping stones across Purgatory's lava).

In any case, this is faintly reminiscent of early metal before thrash became a defining attribute. You could say it's the equivalent of the Load/Reload era of Metallica, but most people would consider that an insult. Not every song needs to be impossibly fast or lacking the original attributes of psychedelia that pervaded most of our progenitors.

Devastus is right about the drums. I understand that, being new for you, they're sticking out of your songs of late. What we'd give to hear from a drummer who submits material around here, swear to God....

Still above and beyond most of the Two-Girls-One-Cup fans' metal submissions, though. Continue destroying civilization as it continues to displease the lot of us.

Bad-Man-Incorporated responds:

Haha, thanks for your support and review, man. I'm not a huge fan of the "garbage can" snare for sure. I've already reverted to trusty and true for the final music. :D
I've never really been a speedy player, I like the slower drudgy bone crusing riffs, myself. :D

Again, thanks for the kick ass review, man.\m/
You line the fuckers up, I'll smash the skulls.