Neophyte-Ronin's audio Reviews on Newgrounds

[Fortress Of Doom]

Been a while, but hey, it's funny

This is pretty goofy. It's irony is how it doesn't sound particularly spooky but has the sound effects to make it so. The mood of the playing is just way off... deliberately.

Originality: 7 (you've done this satire before).

Clarity: 6 (okay, a few sounds overpower the others, making for a hard-to-follow experience, but your voice doesn't snap or pop on the microphone--not as much, anyway)

Diversity: 8 (I'm not sure what this means, but I bet it has something to do with how many techniques you pulled, and pulled well. I'd say this one combined decent sound production with a good guitar technique--not showy, but reflecting good form)

Effort: 8 (I insist you make more).

Overall: 8 (I still insist you make more).

[Lift Me Up]

A far-out moody, hi-tech cyber-punk epic

Citing the poor review (not damning... just poorly written) I figured you needed one of these. The ambient tracks in your collection, albums and otherwise, are quite mellow and worth a good listen. This is no different; for what it is worth, it is both transporting and interesting.

Originality gets an eight because you took time out and showed your lady the ropes of your business. Cooperating together, even if it seems subpar, is great for a relationship! I also like how her voice sample--muffled in the background but ethereal in a sense--juxtaposes the obviously technological sources of most every sound. Place in the heartbeat for subtle humanlike flair and you have what I call a cyber-punk adventure in under two minutes. Very strange...

You got Diversity a 6. There aren't that many sounds, and it seems thin, but there's enough going on that you don't really pay attention to the number of sounds or whatever.

Clarity gets 4 because her voice is muffled. That might be intentional--correct me if I'm wrong.

Effort gets a six. This doesn't sound like it took a great deal of effort, considering what it is.

Overall, you should get a six. But I play nice and grant an eight. This song is a testament to playing cool in a relationship and makes for an unusual device that might make it into a flash game.

Gillenium responds:

Dang! Such a great review for such a mediocre song :) Thanks though. I didn't put a whole lot of effort into this one. I just wanted an intro for my "album" so I made it real quick.

[~WuSchell - DIABLO 2 TRIBUTE~]

Very Close to the Original

Listening carefully, a player of the original can figure out that this is not anywhere near the original tracks of the game. This track is perfect ambience and uses stereo and even a surprise at the end--a good surprise. It builds up like a nightmare, after all.

This is definitely fodder for a grim wilderness or horror fantasy flash (taking out the small joke at the end, of course).

[Your Mom Sucks]

Very Funny

Your Mom Sucks.

I mean, come on. That's not terribly original.

Then again, I did laugh because quite frankly, this is impromptu and also meant for cheap laughs.

[Dude WTF?]

Worse Than Chicken and Biscuits

You even begin, wondering "WHY DID I DO THIS?" Thinking the out-of-tune music would go well with a good vocal track, and for some reason, it does.

Once I get a Flash set up, I'm asking you to voice-over a character. You got the perfect fucking voice and flair for someone cool and crazy.

[Deaths Upon Deaths Upon Deaths]

No, We are NOT!

"I'M SO FUCKING HARD!"

Made in twenty minutes, huh? That means whatever is supposed to be going on in the background... what was that? Music...? Yeah, right.... Maybe it's not coming in properly...?

But the strongest link has to be the vocals. A few things don't come out just right, and I can't make them out. But after they blow over, you hear about killing kids, going to Wal-Mart for peanuts (BECAUSE THEY TASTE GOOD!), and being so fucking evil he scares himself. Even the title is hilarious.

Definitely great for a cheap laugh every now and then. I tend to think those death metal guys need some tenderizing around the waist, and I don't mean from the MSG in their egg rolls....

[Chicken And Biscuits]

...Food Network Material

Chicken and Biscuits?

Make a version where the music is there but the vocals aren't. But the vocals are fun to listen to. This is possibly the funkiest commercial theme song I've come across in Newgrounds.

[30,000 Feet]

Create the soundtrack of a flash series!

Today I discovered you in the Audio Portal. You are the reason why I began reviewing audio. Take this as a blessing; you're interesting, compared to most authors in the audio portal. You got a snazzy sense of humor, and you're not showy, making for music that can be used in some really cool flash.

I'll keep this song. It's bad, but admits to it. The beats are okay and everything, but there's no need to be defensive about being white; you and I are both white. I gave this a five for being a parody. You wanted to joke about rap, and I laughed constantly. Poking fun at the genre while picking on yourself makes for light-hearted fun. Though you used the "F" bomb enough to extinguish a small country... anyway, it's important to laugh at yourself as well as other people. Otherwise, you're just being a total dick.

You may never get it out on a CD and sell it to people (but it'd be funny if you actually did!), but as a submission to the audio portal, it's designed chiefly to be part of a resource from which to construct a Flash project. Certain flashes can benefit; use as a nasty credits theme for added 'zest' in a comic flash, or perhaps a really bad song playing on the radio. Hell, I dare anyone to make a music video out of this, and make it good.

The tune is contagious and you'll replay it a few times before it's worn; once a few weeks pass, replay the thing and you're on the ground again. Anything that can get me to tear up and forget about work or pain for fifteen minutes ought to be worth a few plays.

So quite frankly, I enjoy your style--you make music but you're not terribly serious. The beat and the style are okay, and you can endeavor with something serious once you feel like it. In the meantime, keep making these wonderful little crazy blurbs. And don't be afraid to pick on yourself.