Foundation for an Excellent Song
This is a grim tune about psychiatric disorder and suicide, right? The lyrics don't need the touch-up. The music has enough class and groove to warrant a female vocalist (bear with me on this idea!) to get the pitch and octave up a notch. Next thing I would touch up is the emotion. It really has to sound like the vocalist is about to break down and cry over this senseless death.
Other than that, this has the workings of a prog-rock classic. It's terribly spooky, I'll give you that. It's also smooth and unsettling, a difficult combination accomplished only through jazz genres. In that sense, it is safe to say that you're giving yourself an excellent range that nobody can deny. Now all you have to do is get a willing lady vocalist and collab endlessly. If you don't like your vocals, either take voice classes or recruit someone who not only does, but others like also.
Voted Five (the song is above and beyond most submissions here, anyway).